\”I burst into tears when I opened my son\’s bedroom door in the middle of the night\”: Are you still treating letting go as waiting for the flowers to bloom?

My best friend called me and said, crying, that her son was in the second grade of junior high school and his grades were getting worse. The teacher said that he might not be able to pass the high school entrance examination. What made her even more devastated was that one night the mosquitoes were rampant. She wanted to light some mosquito coils for her son, but she quietly opened the door and went in, only to find her son playing computer games! In order to prevent his parents from finding out, the son blocked something around the crack of the door. From the outside, he thought the room was dark and the lights were dark. My best friend burst into tears, \”Every child is told to wait for the flowers to bloom. His father and I gave him full freedom, but what he got in exchange was not conscious learning, but degeneration.\” \”Every child is a flower, but the flowering period is different. That’s all.” It seems that this popular chicken soup has really harmed many children! In fact, there is nothing wrong with the truth, but parents only see \”waiting for the flowers to bloom\” and ignore \”working silently\”. With the diversification of culture, many Chinese parents have begun to imitate foreign \”free range\” education. Live peacefully every day and \”respect\” your children everywhere. Children want to be happy, to be free, to release their most perfect nature, and to grow independently and freely. It looks beautiful, but in reality it is terrible. Many parents are not \”free-range\” at all. What they see as free-range is actually giving up and indulging. \”Free-range\” is restricted by certain rules and has a bottom line; \”Indulgence\” is different in that it is not subject to any conditions. For example, if a child jumps around and shouts randomly on the subway, after receiving complaints from others, Parents turned a deaf ear; their children disobeyed discipline in school and talked back to the teacher. After the teacher gave feedback, the parents enjoyed it, thinking that this was a manifestation of the child\’s liberating nature, and these are all \”indulgence\”. The real \”freezing\” is the release of thoughts. , What you develop is a habit, not that parents just let go. On the contrary, \”free range\” education requires parents to invest a lot of time and energy in cultivating their children. The children educated in this way are truly upright, physically and mentally healthy, and positive. , independent, independent and courageous. Many people like to talk about how free and advanced foreign education is, and how respectful children\’s wishes are. However, they intentionally or unintentionally ignore that there is another thing before this freedom. There are clearly visible boundaries, some things can be done, and some things must not be done. Parents should give their children freedom, but this freedom is not unrestricted, unregulated, or uncontrolled, nor is it indulgence or inaction. It hurts the child! There is an episode in \”Family with Children\” where Liu Xing and Xiao Yu blame their mother Liu Mei for not enrolling herself in a hobby class to develop her talents. Liu Mei, who has always respected her children, felt aggrieved and said, \”I enrolled you in this class and that class when you were a child.\” , I want you to learn, but you don’t learn it yourself! Liu Xing argued: \”I don\’t want to learn, so you won\’t let me learn?\” I was still young at that time and I was not sensible. Are you also ignorant? You should have trained and educated me since I was a child. You should have forced me to learn from a young age… There were only a few words, but every word was so heartbreaking that my mother Liu Mei was speechless. In fact, Liu Xing\’s \”wrong theory\” has been played out in many families. The son of an eldest sister expressed the sentiments of many people. In high school, he didn\’t study English well and had a conflict with his mother. Dad felt that he was an adult and knew what he liked and didn\’t like, so he didn\’t have to act like a child.Just take care of him. When he was looking for a job after college, he discovered that his favorite jobs all required foreign languages. Feeling regretful, I asked my mother why she didn\’t force myself to learn English in the first place. Seeing this, you may say, that’s not right! At that time, I obviously forced the child, but the child didn\’t listen! When children are young, parents have the need to make decisions for their children, and sometimes even let them do things they don\’t want to do, especially studying. Mr. Cai Kangyong said something that I agree with very much: when you were 5 years old, you found swimming difficult and gave up. When you were 18, you met someone you liked and asked you to go swimming, and you had to say \”I can\’t do it.\” When you were 18, you found English difficult and gave up. English, when a great job comes up at the age of 28 but requires you to speak English, you have to say, \”I can\’t do that.\” If you don’t want your children to regret growing up, parents must take more responsibility, step in front, and be the guide for their children. Free-range education is really not easy, but the most difficult. It is a kind of wisdom! Many parents have misunderstood \”free-range education\”. The mother\’s \”invisible education method\” below is worth learning by all parents. This is the true \”free-range education\”. There is a child who has always been puzzled by a question: Why did his deskmate want to be first in the exam, but he suddenly became the first in the exam; and he wanted to be first in the exam, so he ranked 21st in the class. After returning home, he asked: \”Mom, am I stupider than others? I think I listen to the teacher and do my homework as seriously as he does, but why am I always behind him?\” Mom didn\’t know how to answer him. It was another exam, this time the child got seventeen points, and the son asked the same question again. Mom really wants to say that there are indeed levels of intelligence among people, and the people who take the first place in the exam have smarter brains than the average person. But she knew that if she told her, the child might think that she was a stupid person. My son has graduated from elementary school. Although he still has not caught up with his classmates, his grades have been improving. His mother took him to see the sea for this reason. It was during this trip that the mother answered her son\’s questions. Later, my son was admitted to a prestigious school with the first score in the school. His alma mater asked him to give a report to his classmates and parents. Among them, he talked about an experience when he was a child: \”My mother and I were sitting on the beach. He pointed in front and said to me, look at the birds competing for food on the beach. When the waves hit, the little gray finch can always move quickly. They take off and fly into the sky with two or three flaps of wings, while seagulls always look very clumsy and it always takes them a long time to fly from the beach into the sky. However, they are the ones who can really fly across the ocean. \” A mother\’s education can be called an art. She leaves no trace in the education process and educates her children in a natural and harmonious way. In any educational phenomenon, the less children can feel the educator\’s intention, the greater its educational effect will be. Parents should be good at concealing their educational intentions when educating their children, put down their parents\’ airs, and play an influential role in the process of communicating with their children as equal interlocutors. If you see other people\’s children writing well, please believe that there must be parents behind them who have insisted on reading picture books before going to bed since childhood to cultivate his imagination, perception and emotional resonance. When you envy other people\’s children for being so thoughtful, so many plans, so creative, but you ignored that when he was a child, you never opened a window for him to see the richness of the world, and you never planted any seeds in his heart. The passing of a seed gave him expectations and longing for his future. We are used to talking about \”other people\’s children\”, but which other people\’s children are born so \”good\”? Every \”ideal child\”, their growth, every stage of life transformation, physical development, spiritual development… As parents, how to lead is what needs to be discussed behind the \”ideal child\” topic. As children are independent living individuals, we cannot design or interfere with their lives, but at every critical stop in their early growth, we should be there, not making decisions, but only telling them: Our advice on this matter is: …When the child’s vision and structure are not big enough, he needs our guidance. Only when he has enough vision and strength, it will be up to him which path he chooses and how far he chooses to go. And what you have to do at that time is to turn around, silently bless and miss him. Regarding education, it is much more difficult to control education in a principled manner than to let it go without principles. There is no such thing as letting nature take its course. Perfect education only makes children feel that \”everything is let nature take its course.\” Behind this, the guidance of parents at key points, the long-term value environment created, and the influence of a thousand pounds are truly a test of parents\’ skills. When you see other people’s children being good enough, please believe it because other people’s parents have worked hard enough.