4 magical mother-child laws

We all have this deep-rooted idea that there is a special bond between mother and child. Pregnancy, nurturing, and careful raising will make the relationship between mother and child closer. However, many times it backfires. As children grow up, some children will become more and more alienated and indifferent to their mothers; some children will enjoy their mother\’s kindness with peace of mind, but will harm their mothers unscrupulously; some children will become more and more disgusted with their mothers, and even treat their mothers badly. Mothers develop hatred; In these precarious mother-child relationships, many mothers feel deep pain but never find the reason. After reading the following four mother-child laws, you may be able to find the answer. Download the full version of the first full episode of the Chinese classic cartoon Oriental God Baby: The Hedgehog Effect: Love has no boundaries, it turns into harm. There is a mother in \”Centimeters of Love\” who is willing to give the best things in the world to her son, but she Only he is unwilling to give his son space and freedom. Her biggest wish is: \”I want to spend my whole life taking good care of my son. I have only one purpose, which is to let my son live a good life.\” Therefore, she gave her son meticulous care and wholehearted devotion, hoping that he could Make up for the son\’s lack of fatherly love. Even though her son has grown up, she still takes care of her son in every detail. She was worried that her son would not be able to eat well, so she ran to the hospital where her son worked and opened a room to make soup and cook for her son. She was afraid that her son would not get married, so she kept introducing partners to her son. However, when her son\’s relationship was in full swing, she couldn\’t stand his son\’s indifference to her, so she tried to break up her son\’s love again and again. Her son was driven almost crazy by her, and she still complained full of grievance: \”You don\’t listen to mom? I just want to be a good mother…\” In the end, both mother and son were severely injured by each other. The philosopher Schopenhauer once proposed a \”hedgehog effect\”: \”Hedgehogs move closer to each other to keep warm when the weather is cold, but keep a certain distance to avoid stabbing each other.\” In fact, a mother and her child are like two hedgehogs. A mother\’s love has no boundaries and can easily hurt her children and ultimately herself. For the child, the mother\’s airtight sense of control and meticulous dedication are like shackles in the name of love, causing the child great pain. Actor Tong Dawei said: \”The love we give our children should be a ventilated wall that can not only protect against wind and rain, but also allow wind and light to pass through.\” A truly good mother does not imprison her children in a cage of love. , but appear in time when the child needs it, and withdraw in time when the child is not needed. Only by learning to let go, clarifying boundaries with children, and giving children freedom can children gain true happiness and the mother-child relationship will not be imbalanced. Law of reflection: Mother is a mirror to the child. My best friend once confided to me in pain: \”When I was a child, I secretly swore in my heart that I would never become a person like my mother. However, a few days ago, I suddenly discovered that I My husband and son have violent tempers, they talk indiscriminately when they are angry, and they are hysterical just like their mother. They even take advantage of others, are stingy, and eat food.They have the same bad habits such as mouthiness and not liking to do housework. What’s even scarier is that I discovered that my son’s bad habits are actually upgraded versions of my bad habits. Thinking of this, I really feel terrible. \”I remember Jung once said in \”Child Development and Education\”: \”Parents are the unconscious reflections of their children. Many children who feel least like their parents when they are young often find that the shadow of their parents has never existed in the long years of their growth. Get away from us. Moreover, whether they show opposite or identical tendencies, they are essentially a copy and reproduction of their parents’ will, moral character, personality, preferences, and interests. \”This is actually the \”law of reflection\” in educational psychology: that is, the mother\’s shadow can be seen in the child. Because the child\’s earliest learning mode is imitation, and the mother is closest to the child and is also the easiest object for the child to imitate. . The way a mother behaves, speaks, and even the way she interacts with people around her will profoundly affect her children. Children see it in their eyes and remember it in their hearts, and it will unknowingly be reflected in their future behavior. Hu Shi, a writer in the Republic of China, often Praised by people: He has good looks, good knowledge, broad vision, and broad mind. He once wrote in \”My Mother\”: \”In addition to reading books, he also gave me training in life. At this point, I My mentor is my loving mother. If I can learn a little bit of good temper, if I can learn a little bit of kindness in dealing with others, if I can forgive people and be considerate of others – I am grateful to my loving mother. \”Children are a mirror of their parents. Problems and strengths in children can all be found in their parents. Parents should strive to be the kind of people they want their children to be. Only when parents set good examples can children have Follow the same example. Bebo\’s Law: Giving blindly will only raise an ungrateful child. I often see some news like this on the Internet: A little boy who looks like 7 or 8 years old kills his mother on the street. He fell to the ground and kicked his mother while yelling at her. A freshman girl\’s monthly living expenses of 2,000 yuan was not enough. She hoped that her mother would give her 4,500 yuan a month. After her mother refused, she posted a complaint online. Every time Seeing such news, I feel deeply sad for these mothers: Although their parents have paid so much for them, these children do not know how to understand their parents, and they always feel that their parents have not paid enough. A psychiatrist once used a bowl of eggs The face-to-face test revealed two different levels of family education, which is thought-provoking. The premise of the story is: When my mother was making breakfast, she found that there was only a small handful of noodles and one egg left in the house, which was just enough to make a bowl of egg noodles for a family of three. How to divide the noodles? In the first group of families, the mother felt that the child was the youngest in the family and should enjoy the best in the family, so she pushed the egg noodles to the child and asked the child to go to school as soon as possible after eating. In the second group of families, the mother Divide the egg noodles into three parts, one for the child, one for yourself, and one for the father, and tell the child: You have to go to school to grow in shape, and your parents have to work hard to make money. None of you can go hungry. This half bowl of egg noodles Although I don’t have enough to eat,But none of us will go hungry. As a result, the children from the first group of families naturally finished the noodles alone, while the children from the second group of families learned to understand their parents\’ hard work and learned to share and shoulder the burden. A small bowl of egg noodles contains countless educational philosophies. Beibo\’s law says: \”One-sided blind giving will not only fail to get the expected return, but will also make the other party feel accustomed to it.\” If parents blindly give unilaterally, they cannot bear to let their children experience the hardships of life from an early age and do not know how to respond in a timely manner. Asking children for things can easily make children regard the responsibilities they should bear as their parents\’ obligations and ask for them as a matter of course. Only when parents are willing to use their children and let their children endure hardships will their children develop a sense of responsibility, learn to be considerate of their parents, and become a filial person. A 7-year-old boy in Xi\’an saw that his parents were having a hard time running a dumpling shop, so he got up at 5 o\’clock every day to help his parents roll out dumpling wrappers. He can help his mother roll out 600 bun wrappers every day before going to school. The reporter asked him: \”Are you tired?\” He said seriously: \”Why should I be tired? My parents work for 9 hours a day, and I only work for one hour.\” The psychologist said: \”A person can only work when he is needed and given. Only then can you feel your own value, and then understand love and develop a sense of responsibility.\” If you are willing to use your children, let them know how to share and take responsibility from an early age. Even if you ask your children to pour a glass of water or carry a pair of shoes, you can guide your children to become a person who knows how to take care of their parents. people. Only by loving without being dissatisfied can we reap the perfection of the parent-child relationship. Hawthorne Effect: Only when you see the child\’s heart will the child be willing to change. I have read a story about a mother who attached great importance to her child\’s education, but she failed to raise her child. how did this happen? When the boy Xikun was young, he was a child who was particularly curious and eager to explore. He likes scientific experiments very much. When he talks about it, his eyes light up and he talks clearly. However, his mother has high expectations for him and is always focused on correcting his shortcomings and making him better. Therefore, no matter how resistant and anxious Xikun was, his mother insisted on forcing Xikun to go to a language training class to practice his interpersonal skills. He was forced to perform in public, forced to attend summer camps, and forced to take various teaching and training exams. Under the heavy pressure of his mother, Xikun, who was originally sunny and confident, became more and more withdrawn, inferior and sensitive. As a teenager, he would use a bed sheet as a refuge and hide in it without coming out. He told his mother: \”Mom, I want to go back to your belly, and it will be more comfortable.\” Psychologist Li Xue said: \”When a life comes to the family with great love and trust, he will eventually What they long for is to be seen.\” If a child is not seen and accepted, he will be swallowed up by the anxiety, fear, confusion, helplessness and the resulting anger in his heart, and become inferior, sensitive and Twist. This is why many mothers put in a lot of efforts in education, but to no avail. A mother wants her 11-year-old son to continue learning Taekwondo, but the son is a little reluctant. On the way to send her son to school, her mother said to her son sincerely: \”Dalin,You continue to take kickboxing classes and I will love you. If you don’t take Taekwondo classes, I’ll still love you. \”After listening to his mother\’s words, the son smiled instantly. He decided to continue taking Taekwondo classes and has been persisting until now. This corresponds to the Hawthorne effect in psychology: \”When a person realizes that he is being watched or observed, Sometimes, some behaviors and verbal expressions will be deliberately changed. \”That is to say, when a child feels that he is seen, noticed, and valued, he can have a good feeling and be willing to accept the teachings of his parents. Every child needs to be seen. Seeing is healing. Parents see their children Only when children feel their feelings, accept their emotions, and let them feel love and warmth can education truly achieve results. Kafka said: \”If you work hard to get something, in fact, as long as you are calm and realistic, you can easily get it without knowing what is going on.\” achieve the goal consciously. And if you use too much force, make too much noise, are too childish and inexperienced, and just cry and scratch, like a child pulling at the tablecloth, you will get nothing. It\’s just that if you pull all the good things on the table to the ground, you will never get them. \”The same is true for mothers\’ education of their children. The complete works of Master Xiao Song can be downloaded from Baidu Netdisk [720P high-definition full 100 episodes] If you want to get the love of your children in return, you must first let your children be nourished in love rather than consumed; if you want your children to grow up If you want your children to be the way you want them to be, you must work hard to cultivate yourself and influence your children with your words and deeds; if you want your children to learn to be grateful, you must withdraw your excessive maternal love and be more cruel; if you want education to be truly effective, you must see your children\’s In your heart, give your child the influence of love. To educate children, you need not only love, but also superb educational wisdom. Only by loving with restraint and method can you raise a good child who is sensible, considerate and excellent, and make the relationship between mother and child better. Forever affectionate.