What should parents do when they can’t help but get angry with their children?

A colleague told me a story: a little boy went out with his mother. On the way, the boy chattered and asked all kinds of questions. At first, the mother could answer a few questions, but eventually she got tired of the questions and shouted to her son. : I’m so annoyed. Just play when you go out. Can you stop asking me all the time? On the way home, the little boy saw a toy he liked and made a request to his mother, but the woman rejected it: I will buy something as soon as I come out, and I will never take you out again. After returning home, the boy happily played with his toy gun. As a result, his mother, who was disturbed by the gunfire, couldn\’t bear it and roared at the boy again. The boy didn\’t know what was wrong with his mother. He just accumulated a whole day of grievances that made the child cry no longer. But this time, the boy was left directly outside the door by his mother, who asked him to \”reflect\” before going home. After telling the story, my colleague said to me: \”This story is inexplicably familiar to me. That child is just like me in my childhood. When I was a child, I don\’t know why, but everything seemed to make my mother angry.\” Why do parents always like to get angry at colleagues who are 35+ and still single? They dare not have children because they are afraid that they will be like their mother and that their children will become another version of themselves. She is still wondering, why is her mother always angry? I think my mother probably doesn’t know why she is always angry. Maybe it’s because of the pressure in life, maybe because she’s in a bad mood, maybe her colleagues were naughty when she was a child, or maybe she doesn’t know the right way to raise children. But these scattered factors all come down to one thing: Mom can\’t control her emotions. In the book \”Cognitive Awakening – The driving force behind self-change\”, the author Zhou Ling describes that over hundreds of millions of years of development, the human brain has developed three brains: the instinctive brain, the emotional brain, and the rational brain. The instinctive brain has existed the longest, followed by the emotional brain, and the rational brain has existed the shortest. When encountering something, although the rational brain is relatively advanced, its power is weak, so it is often occupied by the older emotional brain. Therefore, when we see angry parents, no matter what the reason is, the most fundamental reason is that reason cannot defeat emotions. The angrier the parents are, the quieter the children will be. When the emotional brain takes over, the parents\’ reason will be squeezed out, and their love will suddenly disappear. Momentary impulse can cause great harm to children and even affect their lives. 1. Children are getting quieter and quieter. Children are naturally lively and active. They feel that everything is new and are full of curiosity about everything. Therefore, children’s behavior will exceed parents’ expectations and they will inevitably make mistakes. But most parents don\’t allow their children to make mistakes. Whenever their children make a mistake, they scold them. Slowly the lively child became taciturn, timid and cowardly. This is because children have been psychologically suppressed and feared for a long time. Children do not know what to do to make adults happy. They can only close themselves, become quiet and cautious, in order to \”protect\” themselves from being scolded by adults. 2. Children are getting more and more dull. One thing that has troubled me for a long time is that the voices of parents scolding their children are always heard from next door. Every night around 7:30, the scolding and crying will follow one after another. His child is about the same age as my brother. His parents have high expectations for him, but his academic performance is generally not good.go. In order to improve his grades, adults took great pains, but it became commonplace for boys to be scolded. The boy\’s high expectations and constant scolding from his parents made the boy increasingly dull. Unfortunately, the parents didn\’t know the reason and just thought it was because the boy didn\’t study seriously. Brain research has found that children who are often scolded will have a deterioration in intelligence. In fact, a child’s logical thinking and efficient action depend on the function of the prefrontal lobe of the brain. But uninformed adults always scold and yell. This kind of behavior is dangerous for babies to see. Once they hear an adult\’s voice, their brains will sense danger coming, thus activating the amygdala in the brain. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! It is not a good sign that the amygdala is activated. It will suppress the function of the prefrontal lobe, causing children to become less and less thoughtful, work slowly, and always look dull. Seeing children like this, adults may become even more angry, and children may become even more frightened. 3. Children become more and more irritable and rebellious. Adults yelling at children for a long time will suppress the child\’s nature. In order to release the inner depression and pain, teenagers will be particularly disgusted with their parents\’ scolding, and even develop to the point where they hear their parents scold them. The sound is to the point of being angry. There is nothing wrong with parents educating their children, but if the method is wrong, it will cause teenagers to develop a rebellious mentality, become irritable and rebellious, and seriously hurt others and themselves. If parents do this, their children will be grateful for lifelong education. Punishment is not the purpose. The purpose is to enable children to understand their own problems, accept them and become better. Therefore, parents must be clear about the nature of punishment. Parents who really understand education will usually take two crucial steps when faced with their children\’s problems. Step One: Understand Patience. It is mentioned in \”Cognitive Awakening\”: Those who are patient will win the world. It can be seen how important patience is to a person\’s success, and the same is true for educating children. The patience of parents is the key to the healthy growth of children. I remember there was a scene in \”Super Mom Bringing Up a Baby\” where Hu Ke taught Xiao Yu\’er who was holding dog food in his mouth. She didn\’t immediately get angry and knocked the dog food out of her son\’s hand. Instead, he patiently guided Xiaoyuer step by step. Dog food is food for dogs, not for humans. She did not yell in a hurry, but patiently guided her step by step, making Xiao Yuer realize her mistake. This kind of education method can be described as a \”parenting textbook\”. But when faced with the same thing, some parents fail to do this step well. The difference is patience. If you want to guide your children correctly when they make mistakes, patience is the foundation. Step 2: Learn to respect the stories told by colleagues or my own experiences, including my neighbors and many families around me who are used to yelling at their children. All have the same drawback: disrespect for children. In their eyes, the child is \”mine\” and I can do whatever I want with it. In fact, everyone is an independent individual. They are just themselves and do not belong to anyone. Kahlil Gibran wrote in \”To Children\”: In fact, your children are not your children. They are children born of life\’s desire for itself. They come to the world through you, but they are not your children.They are not here because of you. They are by your side, but they do not belong to you. Therefore, when educating children, adults should treat them equally and give them enough respect. Imagine if the other person was a close friend of yours and they made a mistake, would you yell or scold them? When you yell at your children, you are just thinking that they are \”weak\”. The authority of your parents prompts you to lose your temper at your children at will. But this method will not produce very good results. When you respect your children, to a large extent, you give them freedom and the possibility to release their nature, then there will be fewer and fewer mistakes, and the children will become better and better. Years of experience in working with children have taught me that the louder a parent yells, the greater the harm to the child. As parents, our children\’s first teachers, we need to provide correct guidance instead of losing our temper randomly when we are in a bad mood or when our children make mistakes!