What to do if your child is addicted to mobile games

Summer vacation is coming soon, and mobile phones and games have become a major concern for parents again. It should be said that almost every parent is worried about their children being addicted to mobile phones and games. In fact, it is not just children, adults, including parents themselves, find it difficult to free themselves from mobile phones. In addition to the time we think of as working and studying, we spend too much time watching videos, playing games, and using mobile phones every day. Children\’s self-control is weaker, and when he is able to use his mobile phone freely, he is more likely to lose control and become addicted. In addition, mobile phones are now available everywhere, and there are even mobile phone rental businesses next to schools, making it even more difficult for parents to manage their children\’s mobile phone use. To solve the problem of children being addicted to mobile phones (games), we parents must understand the following aspects. Why are children addicted to games? What psychological needs do children have in games? How to meet these needs of children? What kind of parents and families are likely to raise children who are addicted to mobile phones? What are the solutions to children’s addiction to games? 1: Why are children addicted to mobile phones and games? When ordinary people encounter pressure and setbacks, they always need a way to vent their emotions. In today\’s world of advanced information and technology, if children\’s depression and grievances cannot be resolved or vented, games are often their favorite way. Children who study for the sake of studying, don’t know the meaning of learning, face a lot of high expectations and anxiety from teachers and parents, and lack interests and hobbies are the most likely to become addicted. Because for them, the game world is a refuge where they can temporarily forget their worries in the real world, and it is also an amusement park where more \”dopamine\” can be secreted. Why are games so attractive to children? The reasons are roughly as follows: 1: Playing is a child’s nature, and games on mobile phones meet the physiological and psychological needs of players for the most basic reward-punishment. From a medical and psychological point of view, the human brain has a natural reward mechanism. When we receive valuable rewards, the brain will secrete a neurotransmitter called \”dopa saddle\”. This neurotransmitter will make We develop pleasant feelings. In layman\’s terms, it means that when you do something and get corresponding financial, physical, mental and other stimulation and rewards, the secretion of dopa in your brain will increase, and you will feel good. On the contrary, if you don\’t do this well, you will lose something you care about, your dopa secretion will decrease, and you will feel unhappy. If something can provide these two mutually reinforcing forces at the same time, it will be fascinating. Game developers often take this reward and punishment mechanism to the extreme. If you win, you will get a prize, which can be cashed out immediately, allowing you to experience dazzling upgrades and help you change your skin and equipment. This is what is called timely positive reinforcement in psychology. If you lose, you will not be downgraded immediately, but you will be reminded: \”Level protection is on, and you can get rewards if you continue to work hard.\” This will make you feel that if you work harder, you will not only receive the reward you long for. , and avoid that annoying loss. See, even though there is no reward if you lose, there is no punishment either. Strengthening is still being carried out. Let me ask, like thisCan you resist the temptation? Obviously, for some children, compared with the boring and maddening study, the amount of dopamine stimulated by games in their brains is not of the same order of magnitude at all, not to mention the constant criticism and accusations from their parents and teachers. With so many unpleasant experiences every day, it’s no wonder he tries his best to play games without eating or drinking. 2: The real environment meets or supports the material conditions for children to play. In the past, games were only available on PC, and it was a bit inconvenient for children to play. Especially due to the government’s supervision of minors visiting Internet cafes, the time and place for children to play games were relatively controllable. But now, the development of mobile games and the easy availability of smart phones for children have allowed children to play games more frequently, for longer periods of time, and in a more casual way. For example, there are too many mobile phones at home now, and children can buy a mobile phone casually if they have too much pocket money. Now many schools have mobile phone rentals nearby, and children can pay a little money to play with them. Mobile phones are so easy to get and playing games is so convenient. And for today’s children, almost all their peers and classmates are playing, so games have even become a social tool. If you don’t play, you will have no friends. Children who play well will be admired and sought after. In order to integrate You also need to play to join the team. This large environment has also seriously affected children, causing more children to become addicted to games and mobile phones. Therefore, there is a saying that goes like this: It seems to be a human problem, but in fact it is an environmental problem. Children cannot resist this kind of environment. 3: Today’s children are under too much pressure to study and have nothing to do but study. Empty and bored children seek spiritual sustenance on mobile phones and games. The game reflects children\’s dreams that cannot be realized in the real world. The game has the characteristics of pursuing fairness and clear rules, giving many children the opportunity to realize their dreams outside the real world, and the process of realizing their dreams is full of a passionate sense of accomplishment and value. In contrast, the real world faced by children is often full of competitive pressure and adults\’ eagerness for quick success. Many times they work hard for a long time, but still can\’t get the score up, and then their parents become even more anxious, with Tang Seng-like nagging in their ears. In this comparison, games are naturally much more enjoyable than studying. 4: Games comfort children’s disappointment in the real world and help them gain value recognition that they cannot get in the real world. Online games are a virtual world that is completely different from the real world. Here, you can choose different careers, use your own efforts, and use the resources and connections around you to get what you want. You can enjoy the ever-increasing pleasure, and that pleasure is completely visual and can be perceived most directly. As soon as you succeed, you will get flowers and applause immediately, and the loot you get from destroying the opponent is high-end equipment dropped everywhere. Some of these equipment can be exchanged for real money in the real world. In online games, you will also find that you always have higher goals to chase and achieve. This process will cultivate and strengthen several mentality of children: First, according to the established rules, you will definitely get rewards. Second, get rewards and you will become stronger and stronger. Third, the stronger you are, the more you will be thererecognized by more and more people in the world. This is the kind of affirmative praise and recognition that many children don’t get in the real world. Therefore, a game producer said: A truly powerful game attracts players on the level of self-identity and self-realization, not just on the level of profit. You said, how could the children refuse such a high-level reward? How could you refuse? 5: The game creates a wonderful teamwork and fair competition environment that is difficult to achieve in the real world. In addition to providing the ultimate visual and auditory experience, the double secretion of doba saddle, and the affirmation of self-worth, the game also has a fatal attraction, that is: it creates a wonderful and almost perfect world in which A level playing field that is almost impossible to achieve in the real world. And this kind of environment brings an almost perfect team collaboration experience and the resulting sense of accomplishment and pleasure to the pinnacle of experience. Let’s take a look at how much children care about whether teachers are fair, schools are fair, and parents are fair in real life. Let’s take another look at how much adolescent children care about their relationships with peers, and how many children’s psychological problems are caused by peer relationships. We will know how attractive fairness, teamwork and recognition in games are to children. 6: Games satisfy children’s psychological needs that cannot be met in reality. For example, the child’s sense of autonomy, the child’s sense of competence, and the child’s sense of belonging. In the process of pursuing fairness, teamwork, and self-realization, children fully feel their sense of autonomy. I can decide what game I want to play, which team I choose, and when I want to play. What a great feeling it is. Children cannot feel this sense of autonomy in real life. In the game, you and your companions cooperate with each other to complete battles again and again in a beautiful background. Your teammates will move forward bravely because of your support, and you will also gain a lot of achievements because of the cover of your teammates. You find a sense of competence and worth that you are capable of doing anything. You also find an unprecedented sense of belonging in the battle of life and death: I belong here, I matter. These feelings are difficult for children to find in school and study, but they can be found in virtual mobile phones and games. Then, the game can really make children want to stop playing. The above 6 points are important reasons why children are addicted to games and mobile phones. Let’s talk about the psychological needs of children next. 2: What psychological needs do children have? How to meet these needs? Today\’s children have their basic material needs met since childhood. Therefore, the most basic physiological needs are no longer within their consideration and pursuit. What they need to meet are more advanced psychological needs. 1: The right to autonomy and the psychological need for respect. Today\’s children need to have a sense of autonomy, a sense of self-control, and feel that they can decide their own behavior. Not everything is decided by parents. This requires the most basic premise: parents must recognize that children are independent individuals and have their own corresponding abilities. To satisfy children\’s sense of autonomy, parents need to respect their children\’s choices and decisions. Give your children space and allow them toIndependent activities, and parents cannot force their children in various ways. But in real life, parents claim to give their children the freedom to choose, but in fact they do not. Once a child\’s choice does not meet the parents\’ expectations, the parents may respect it on the surface but will keep nagging, hinting and expressing their choice and conveying pressure not to do so. The children know it well, and in the end they are so annoyed that they have to give in. . So children really rarely follow their inner choices. Children know that in the end they have to listen to their parents. If the child cannot win the sense of autonomy, the child will no longer trust the parents, and the child will also develop learned helplessness and habitually give up. The child gives up his rights and his responsibilities. In games, children have a strong sense of autonomy. They can decide what games to play, how to play, who to play with, and how long to play. They can enjoy the success brought by their own choices and bear the consequences of their own choices. . So he is his own master in the game, and that feeling is very, very good. There is a strong contrast between reality and the virtual world. What do you think children will choose? Therefore, it is very important for parents to recognize that their children are independent individuals, give them space, respect their choices and decisions, and do not force or force them. Our son often says something like this: Just say what you want to say, and don’t get personal stuff in the middle. 2: The psychological needs of a sense of value and competence. The sense of value is that the child feels that he is useful and valuable to others. A sense of competence means that the child feels that he can do it and that he is competent. But in our real world, children are often criticized, blamed and beaten by their parents and teachers. Children who are roughly compared with other children by their parents will never meet their parents\’ high demands and expectations. It is difficult for children to have a sense of competence and value. So in today’s schools, we see more and more children showing low self-esteem, withdrawing, lying flat, breaking things, and even committing suicide. For those children who drop out of school and are tired of studying, their sense of worth and competence is even lower than in the dust. He says every day that he is useless and a waste. So how can we establish children’s sense of value and competence? It is the affirmation, praise and approval of parents and teachers. Discover your child\’s strengths anytime and anywhere, and affirm and encourage him in a timely manner. We should neither have high expectations nor no expectations for our children, but should have reasonable expectations. This is really done well in the game. When you win, there will be flowers and applause immediately. The dazzling pictures and shocking sound make the children really excited. And if you fail, you will not be severely punished immediately, but will be given opportunities and help so that you can advance again. Children fully feel a sense of competence and value in the game. How could children not like this mechanism in their hearts? 3: Psychological needs of belonging and love. Adolescent children, on the one hand, want to be independent, but on the other hand, they urgently need love and help. On the one hand, they need to show their individuality, and at the same time, they also need to be recognized and accepted by their peers. This is the child\’s need for belonging and love. In reality, our parents often don’t know what their children need, which leads to tension, indifference, and confrontation in the parent-child relationship. The child cannot feel love, and the child has no sense of belonging.Children who lack a sense of belonging may develop puppy love, join bad social groups, run away from home, or in extreme cases commit suicide. Of course, more children will be addicted to games. Those who stay in Internet cafes all night long are children who lack love and a sense of belonging. In the game, these children fight together, sharing life and death, honor and disgrace. They find an unprecedented sense of belonging: I matter, I belong here. This is what we parents need to learn. We need to accompany our children patiently, communicate sincerely and skillfully, have a good relationship with our children, and truly let our children feel loved and belonging. Let him know that he is important in this family. When he knows that he is important, he will naturally adjust his behavior and take on his own responsibilities. The game is not a scourge, it is also a mirror that allows us to see ourselves. Let us know what psychological needs our children have and how we should satisfy them. Three: Under what circumstances are children more likely to be addicted to mobile phones and games? Children\’s addiction to mobile phones is closely related to their parents\’ companionship and education. After our long-term observation, the following five situations are most likely to cause children to become addicted to mobile phones. 1: Parents are too busy and have no time to spend with their children. Many parents will give electronic products such as mobile phones or IPAds to their children to play with, which over time leads to the emergence of electronic mothers and children\’s dependence and addiction. Or leave the child to grandparents or nannies at home. They can\’t control the child, and they don\’t have good companionship and habit-forming methods. In order to keep the child\’s mood good, they can\’t control the child\’s use of electronic products, which ultimately leads to the child\’s addiction to mobile phones and games. dependence. 2: Parents are strict and controlling. Many children who are addicted to the Internet and mobile phones are controlled by their parents. It is normal for children to want to play with mobile phones, as long as they make an agreement and give appropriate guidance. But many parents are very strict, regard them as scourges, and strictly control them. If your child doesn\’t get it, he will try his best to get it. The more you resist, the more persistent your child will be. This is how your child\’s Internet addiction and game addiction are controlled. In our consultations, many mothers have been fighting with their children in this aspect since they were very young, setting passwords, hiding power cords, cutting off the Internet, cutting off power, etc. In the end, the children\’s sense of lack is stimulated by the mother. , if a person lacks something in his heart, he will keep chasing it. This is how Internet addiction is cultivated. 3: Indulge pampered children. Pampered children have no rules or boundaries in their hearts, nor do they have the awareness of awe and delayed gratification. Therefore, when exposed to games, under the stimulation of the pleasure of ultimate rewards and the peak body, it is difficult to control themselves and get out of the game. Stopped in the middle. 4: Discord between husband and wife or single-parent family. In families with discord between husband and wife, most children in single-parent families suffer from a serious lack of security and a sense of belonging. They may think that their parents\’ discord or divorce is caused by their own faults or other reasons. They lack a sense of accomplishment and worth. They can\’t find these in real life, but they have them in the game, so they get stuck in them and can\’t extricate themselves. 5: Parents are addicted to games. children\’s learningLearning, very important is imitation learning and observation learning. Parents are the most important imitation and learning objects for children, so we often say: parents are children’s first teachers. If parents are addicted to games, then their children will follow suit and have a high chance of being addicted to games. Therefore, parents must set an example when they return home. If you want your children to use mobile phones less, stop using them first. If you want your children to study well, you should read more at home and cultivate a good family atmosphere. Therefore, our two-sentence action plan for the team is: to change your children, you must first change yourself and be the best role model for your children. Four: Eight ways to solve the problem of children being addicted to games. Earlier we talked about the reasons why children are addicted to games, and analyzed them from the perspective of psychological needs. We also listed the situations and families in which types of children are prone to appear. The phenomenon of addiction. So, is there an effective solution? Next, we introduce several solutions for your reference. 1: Develop growth-oriented interests and hobbies. Growth-oriented hobbies are relative to recreational interests. What are some recreational hobbies? For example, watching TV, scrolling through Douyin, and playing games. And growth-oriented hobbies, such as: playing music, chess, calligraphy and painting, sports, reading and speaking, cooking, telling stories, making handicrafts and making models, etc. These are all hobbies with a goal, which can promote the growth of people\’s mental personality and abilities. Socrates has a famous saying: The best way to prevent the land from becoming overgrown is to sow it with seeds. When we have growth-oriented hobbies, it is not easy to be addicted to mobile phones and games. 2: Cultivate real-life friends. Because I lack a sense of belonging and love in reality, I look for it in the virtual world. To get out of the game world, you must have such people and experiences in reality. Therefore, parents should encourage their children to participate in some offline clubs and organize some speaking activities or competitions. When our son was in international school, several mothers organized a similar offline company for their children. During that time, every weekend the children would discuss and plan and implement projects together. It was really hard work. Being serious and focused, they all gained a lot. Later, the children all went to study abroad, and the project came to an end. 3: Outdoor sports guide children to get out of the house and not become a \”fat home\”. Parents should encourage their children to travel, get in touch with nature, and learn about the customs, history, and culture of various places. Let your children take part in more sports, such as basketball, football, tennis, table tennis and other sports. By moving and getting more \”dopamine\”, children will naturally use less mobile phones and games. ​4: Accompanying and actively paying attention to your parents must be sorted correctly and allocate your time. Spend a certain amount of time to accompany your children and do meaningful things with them, so that your children can feel valued, loved and valued. Some psychological experts have divided this companionship into four levels: first, the person must be there and the heart must be there. This is the highest level of companionship. Second, the person is not there, but the heart is. The third person is here, but the heart is not. Fourth, when the person is absent, the heart is absent. So, parents, do you care about your children’s company andAt what level do you focus? This determines whether your child will be addicted or addicted. 5: Doing housework is a small chore that makes a big difference. Children who often do housework will experience the hard work of housework, be more considerate of their parents, be more grateful, and be more motivated to learn. In the past, many of our parents ignored this point and only emphasized and paid attention to learning. They did not know that doing housework is not only the cultivation of a mentality, but also the cultivation of abilities and the cultivation of a sense of responsibility. I don’t know how relevant it is. Among the children we come into contact with who are tired of school and are tired of studying, they basically don’t do much housework. Those who can cook well and do all kinds of housework by themselves have not been found to drop out of school. 6: Set realistic goals. Children who have ideals, direction, and goals are more capable of self-control and action. We parents need to help our children set realistic goals. Pay special attention to your high expectations. It must be set by the child himself. It must be something that the child feels is feasible and promising. High goals are worse than no goals, which will severely damage the child\’s confidence and weaken his sense of competence and value. 7: Strengthen communication and establish a good parent-child relationship. We have repeatedly stressed the importance of the parent-child relationship. If the relationship is good, the farts will smell good; if the relationship is not good, everything will be zero. Without relationships, there is no influence and no education. Therefore, when parents are addicted to their children, they do not try to reason or accuse them. Instead, put yourself in your child’s shoes and empathize with them. Empathizing with your emotions does not mean agreeing with your actions, but empathy can lead to improved relationships. Only when the relationship is good will your children consider you, a reciprocal relationship model will be established, and changes will occur. 8: Parents set an example. We have talked about parents setting an example before. In family education, there has always been a saying: parents are the originals and children are copies. This means that the words and deeds of parents themselves are important. As their children\’s first teachers, parents must set this example. If you don’t want your children to do it, then you must not do it. Whatever you want your children to do, do it first. Of course, in addition to these methods, many of our parents also have their own unique and effective methods. Please leave a message to share. For children who are tired of studying, games actually have many positive meanings, and are even crucial to the child\’s health and life. Next time we will discuss the game from different perspectives.