How to have a good relationship with your children

Allowing children to participate in setting rules is a prerequisite for family education. Many families have rules, but these rules are decided by mom and dad. Good rules must be formulated jointly by parents and children. Parents must have dignity and credibility, and start by setting rules in the family. When children and parents make rules together, and when children and parents sit down and discuss issues as equals, the rules can truly take effect. A director of the Education Bureau told me a true story: There was a very outstanding child in their local area, and the child’s father was a computer engineer. There was a time when the child was taking online classes at home, and his father installed a monitoring software on the computer. It turned out that in 3 of the 6 classes the child attended, he secretly played games after checking in. Because the evidence is conclusive, the child cannot deny it. But no one expected that after being scolded by his parents, the child actually jumped off the building. In fact, parents might as well set up rules with their children in advance and tell him: \”You can play games, but when do you play every day and for how long? Let\’s discuss and communicate together. If you do it, I can reward you; If you can\’t do it, you have to accept punishment. You can tell yourself how to reward and punish specifically…\” This can cultivate children\’s self-disciplined behavior and learn self-management. Rules are actually contracts. A good social manager relies on two things: one is morality, and the other is rules and laws. Since ancient times, punishment and education have gone hand in hand in China: education is more about the discovery of conscience, good character, and allowing oneself to grow better; behind punishment are rules. Therefore, I think it is a very important experience for children to learn to set rules and obey them from the beginning, and it is also very important for establishing a good parent-child relationship. In fact, our parent-child relationship is often unequal, and rules are imposed on children by adults. If the child cannot do it, he will break the rules secretly. If the rules are negotiated between the child and his parents, he will feel that I have set the rules myself, and I have to keep my word. Then, children will abide by the rules better and let the rules govern them instead of being governed by people. The so-called human rule means that if parents are happy today, it doesn’t matter how many hours their children play; if they are unhappy tomorrow, their children cannot play for a minute, that is, there are no rules. We cannot let children feel that their parents are capricious, or that their parents have no rules at all, or that what their parents say are rules. Such education is meaningless. It is very easy for parents to make their children feel loved. The theme of an annual meeting of the Family Education Professional Committee of the China Education Society is \”wisdom love\”, because only \”wisdom love\” is true love. Love is a spontaneous instinct. We have seen too much love from all kinds of life and animals. Human beings are sometimes inferior to these loves, but only humans can have truly intelligent love. Because only humans know how to love children scientifically, love in a measured way, and love in moderation instead of doting. We must let our children feel such a love, an incomparable love, a love that only parents can give that is thicker than water. When your child truly believes youWhen you love him selflessly and unconditionally, he will definitely repay you with more love. Why are the relationships between many children and their parents so tense, and some even go to the point of no return? Because he doubts love and does not believe in love, I think this is a big problem in our education. Therefore, how to establish intelligent love in the family is an issue that requires serious consideration and repeated study. As parents, we should not be busy thinking about how to educate and score points, but should first establish a good relationship with our children. Once the parent-child relationship is established, education begins. Children can educate themselves and grow up in a good relationship. Establishing an equal, harmonious and good parent-child relationship is the cornerstone of family education. If the relationship is good, the education will be good; if the relationship is good, the children will be good.