How to cultivate children’s inner drive

I checked my son\’s homework last Friday night and found that there were a lot of mistakes and omissions. On one page of exercises, only two of them were correct. As a last resort, he was required to review the content during the day. Unexpectedly, my son tried his best to delay: he memorized a five-character quatrain over and over for more than an hour, memorized it for a while, and dazed for a while; he dragged his feet on a math problem that could be completed in 10 minutes for an hour. In anger, he cursed and threatened with force, and his son burst into tears. Thinking of my best friend’s children, they always complete their homework independently and their grades are among the best, as if they are born with excellence. I asked her for advice, but she only said one sentence: \”Stop interfering with the children.\” I was puzzled: I am already in charge of this, why can\’t I go to heaven if I don\’t care? ? After pondering for a long time, I remembered what Li Meijin said: \”Children are like flaming mountains. Parents always interfering with their children is equivalent to watering the volcano. If things go on like this, the children\’s motivation flame will definitely go out.\” And 90% of parents are using Urging, helping, and arranging quietly erode children\’s internal drive. The more diligent the parents are, the lazier the children will be. Behind every \”lazy and procrastinating\” child, there must be a micromanaging parent. My next door neighbor is a very hard-working stay-at-home mother. My son is in the first grade. He picks up and drops off the child every day, and the child is not allowed to carry his schoolbag by himself. When he goes home to do homework, his mother sets out the homework and keeps an eye on him the whole time. Whenever his son makes a mistake in his homework, she has to rush to help him wipe it… In short, he is so diligent. No need for children to do it at all. For this reason, I can always hear the neighbor shouting from the balcony: \”Mom, help me get my homework.\” \”Mom, help me clean the table.\” \”Mom, I got this question wrong. Come and wipe it for me.\” , I can’t write without erasing.” I heard a saying: “The reason why children become lazy is because parents unintentionally take away the responsibility of children in life and study.” A child without a sense of responsibility for learning will have no motivation. , naturally study poorly and are too lazy to study. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Therefore, when parents are annoyed that their children are not learning well, it is better to reflect on themselves and see if they are too diligent, causing their children to lack a sense of responsibility and internal drive. The more arrangements parents make, the less efficient their children will be. I have heard a saying: \”Children who are arranged to be older will have to subtract step by step in life.\” A netizen on Zhihu told her troubles: Since she was a child, her study and life have been dominated by her parents. arrange. Her parents arbitrarily helped her transfer from her favorite school to a so-called first-class school; she trusted her cram school teacher and asked her to use a set of templates for homework and exams; her parents arbitrarily helped her choose a science subject she didn’t like in the high school’s liberal arts majors;… …This kind of template-based learning resulted in her learning efficiency being very low, and she was unable to draw inferences from one instance to other cases. During the exam, many of the questions were obviously very simple but she could not get high marks, and she had no own way of solving the questions. Now that she has entered the society, she still cannot live her own life well. Having no independent opinion, the leader cannot make up his mind when giving a job; he is inefficient in doing things, and sees good opportunities being snatched away by others. There is nothing wrong with planning ahead for your children. But if it is too full, it will overflow. If parents take care of and arrange everything for their children, the children will only become less and less capable. bodyAs parents, we should let our children slowly learn to plan for themselves through proper planning and learn to be independent, instead of using our own arbitrary decisions to cut off their children\’s wings. Making too many arrangements for children in learning will only cause them to lose their ability to take initiative, slowly regress, and become inefficient and incompetent. The more parents push, the clumsier their children become. I saw a doctor and blogger complain about it, and saw a young patient who was only 7 years old and suffered from anxiety. During the understanding process, the doctor learned that the child had been urged to grow up by his mother since he was a child. Urgent to do homework, to go to school, to go to cram school, to eat, and to sleep. When the child is urged at first, the child is obedient and does as she is told. However, as time goes by, when the child hears the mother\’s urging, the child\’s hairs stand on end, feeling fearful and anxious, and unable to concentrate. Sometimes I act stupidly, as if my brain is short-circuited and I don\’t know what I want to do. In this way, a child who was originally very smart became more and more clumsy and eventually suffered from mental illness. Brain scientist Lin Chengzhi once said: \”Pushing is a forbidden action to cultivate a smart brain and cultivate concentration.\” Childhood is a critical period for brain development. Neurons are establishing connections, generating synapses, and receiving countless incoming information every day. brain. Parents\’ urging greatly interferes with brain activity. In a panic, the brain only receives what parents urge and cannot receive the external information that should be freely explored. Over time, children become accustomed to not using their brains and lose their internal drive, which reduces the space for the brain to grow upward, and the child\’s intellectual problems appear. Children are different from adults. As parents, we cannot always demand children at the same speed as adults. Parents\’ urging behavior disturbs children, causing them to lose their inner focus and become increasingly stupid. Parents of children with overwhelming internal drive have tips. If you, like me, interfered too much with your children in the past, you destroyed your child\’s internal drive. So the following 3 tips can help you reawaken your child\’s inner drive. 1. \”Rules and laws\”, let children pay attention to learning. Qian Wenzhong, a professor at Fudan University, once said: \”If you want your children to become outstanding, you must set rules for them.\” If there are no rules in a family, and parents do everything for them and interfere, the children will inevitably have no problems. Make a fortune. Parents must learn to put away their doting heart, throw away the unnecessary \”diligence\”, set rules for their children, and let them do what they can. For example, help children set a regular study schedule, instead of studying if they want to, and not studying if they don’t want to; create labor plans for children, let them clean their own rooms, help with housework, experience the reality and hardship of life, and let children understand Good days do not fall from the sky, but come from hard work. Only in this way will children understand the meaning of learning and take learning more seriously. 2. \”Encouragement method\” to make children proactive. Psychologist Carol Dweck has a theory about mentality: when students have a \”fixed mentality\”, they will think that they are poor in ability when they make mistakes, and they often accept their fate. In contrast, when students have a \”growth mindset,\” they focus on their own efforts and learn better. Students with a growth mindset pay more attention to the meaning of learning itself rather than simply caring about grades. They have developed a kind of internal motivation. She proposed that fatherMothers must learn to praise their children for their practical efforts to solve problems and listen to the various ideas they come up with, instead of urging interference and allowing children to solidify their thinking. For example, \”Mom thinks it\’s great that you have such curiosity\”, \”I can see you working hard to prepare for the exam\”. Rather than \”I didn\’t do the questions well, I was thinking blindly\” or \”I have been preparing for so long, why did I still do this in the exam?\” Using \”encouragement methods\” to let children focus on their own efforts is the key to children having a growth mindset and the key to self-motivation. 3. \”Consultant method\” to make children independent. The book \”Self-driven Growth\” points out: If you want your children to gain more control, you have to give up your own desire for control. The role of parents is not to solve all their children\’s problems, but to help their children learn to control themselves. Most parents don\’t know how to educate their children, and either appear authoritarian or let things go, which is not conducive to their children\’s learning and growth. Child psychologists once proposed an educational model: authoritative education. They pointed out that achieving this model requires parental support rather than control arrangements. To achieve authoritative education, parents need to learn to use the advisory method to treat their children. For example, instead of asking the child to do homework directly, we can say: \”Do you have any homework to do tonight? I want to know about it so that I can plan my time in the evening.\” Make your position clear, be non-authoritarian and intrusive, and give your children time when they need help. This model will inspire children to make effective responses and develop children\’s competence. Once children can make their own decisions about their studies, they will naturally catch up. The book \”The Gardener and the Carpenter\” points out: Loving your children does not mean choosing a destination for your children on your own, but providing supplies for your children during the journey. Excessive interference will only create a \”good child\” who has no self and is not considered a \”good child\” in the eyes of his parents. Only by igniting the torch in the child\’s heart and providing the child with an endless supply of motivation will the child have the enthusiasm to improve his or her own path in life and fly higher and farther. Click \”Like\” and wish every child can grow a pair of powerful wings, love learning and life, and be able to fly freely.