The dangers of parents’ suppressive education

\”Why is my dad always like this, never standing by my side, always talking about me!\” \”He always denies me, denies easily! I don\’t ask him to empathize, but at least trust me?\” This scene is In the TV series \”Twenty Not Confused 2\”, the girl Liang Shuang accuses her father. Because he was misunderstood at work, Liang Shuang\’s career fell into a low period and his mood collapsed. I thought my father, who came from out of town, could give me some comfort. Who knew that as soon as the father came in, he would indiscriminately ask his daughter to apologize to the boss and keep her job. Liang Shuang was aggrieved and unwilling to compromise. As a result, she was immediately strongly criticized by her father, saying that she \”always puts herself first in everything she does.\” He even taught her a lesson in the manner of a veteran, accusing her of being \”too proud\”. The two eventually broke up, leaving a room full of embarrassed others. Countless netizens felt the same after watching it and said: Liang Shuang’s father is really scary, he is exactly like my father. It’s so exciting to hear her dad talk! ! ! ! Suppressive education is really suffocating. The key is that parents are still unaware of the problems with their own methods. In life, there are many such parents who always like to use the banner of \”loving their children and being good to their children\”. When the child is the saddest and most in need of comfort, he clings to the problem and makes sarcastic remarks without saying a single good word. They think that \”suppressive education\” is good for children, but they don\’t know that this kind of education often brings only harm and no education. How do parents suppress and how do children get hurt? A survey conducted by China Youth Daily showed that among more than 2,000 young people aged 18-35, as many as 90.6% of the respondents admitted that they had been verbally hit by their parents. In fact, it is not uncommon for parents to be sarcastic, belittling, like to compare their children, and frustrate their children. There is such a video on the Internet, which has touched the hearts of countless people. The girl in the video has always been denied and beaten by her parents since she was a child. When she saw a lot of toys in her neighbor\’s house, she was very envious and wanted one. But her parents said, \”No one is good at studying and they won\’t buy it for you.\” Later, she worked hard to get good grades, and every time she was more than 100 points higher than others, but her parents still said: \”No one else is obedient and good.\” When she revealed that she was being bullied, her parents not only refused to stand up for her , instead asked her: \”Why didn\’t you talk back, why didn\’t you tell us, you deserved to be bullied.\” Later, she earned money by working on her own and bought a new mobile air conditioner for her family, but her father still made all kinds of sarcastic remarks: \”The things you bought are really rubbish. I really don\’t like the things you bought.\” Girls who grew up under this kind of percussive education live in fear and worry about gains and losses. So much so that when she was scolded when she was in love, she mistakenly thought \”this is what love is like because she has never seen the standard answer.\” In reality, countless parents like this take it for granted that their children cannot praise them. If they praise too much, they will only become proud. It is better to suppress them more so that their children can learn their shame and then become brave. As a result, not only does this fail to make the child better, but it actually makes the child feel worse. Remember the little girl in \”The Young Man\”? She has worked hard enough and studied seriously, but her mother will always give her nothing but denial.Even when she mustered up the courage to ask her mother to take a look at herself, her mother\’s answer was only one sentence: \”I think your character needs to be attacked. If you don\’t, you may be a little drifting.\” Psychologist Dr. Susan Forward In \”Family of Origin\”, he wrote: The harmful effects caused by the blows from parents are not limited to the immediate moment. It runs through the years, like a needle, piercing deeply into the hearts of children. For children, this kind of day-to-day suppression often brings huge emotional pressure and psychological burden. This so-called \”criticizing you for your own good\” is not love at all, but a kind of harm in the name of \”love\”. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! It is difficult to regain a child\’s confidence after it has been knocked away. There is a question on the Internet, which attracted thousands of people to leave messages: \”What happens to children who are always ridiculed and suppressed by their parents?\” The top answer is: low self-esteem, sensitivity, and dare not love. It is also difficult for others to love themselves. Some people say that she was severely suppressed by her parents when she was a child. She felt that she was finished when she got third place in the exam. She felt that the whole world was going to scold her, and then she became afraid to go to school. Some people say that because they have never heard a single kind word from their parents since they were little, when they go to school, every time they see their classmates smiling at them without saying a word, they feel that they are secretly saying something bad about themselves. Some people also say that after being confessed by others, they still don\’t want to believe that the other person really likes them. All \”sweet words\” are extremely hypocritical, and they always feel that they are not worthy. Why do simple words from parents, \”You can\’t do it\” or \”You\’re bad\”, bring so much harm to their children? There is a \”suggestion effect\” in psychology, which means that people tend to accept information sent by other people unintentionally and respond accordingly to the information. In other words, if parents hint to their children that \”you are terrible\”, the children will feel that \”I am not good at anything and can\’t do it well.\” If parents keep telling their children that \”everyone else is worse than you\”, the child will firmly believe that \”I am not as good as others in everything and have no value at all.\” In fact, children\’s inferiority, sensitivity, and unlovability are all hidden in the mouths of their parents. Too many negative hints, denials and suppression from his parents made him accustomed to looking down upon himself and lacking a sense of self-worth. Even if he achieves great results when he grows up, some people will appreciate him, but deep down in his heart, he will always retain his parents\’ negative evaluation of him. Once you don\’t do well, it\’s easy to blame yourself in the same way as your parents: \”Look, I\’m so bad, useless, terrible.\” Even if you want to change yourself, the feeling of powerlessness that has penetrated into your bones since you were a child will Let them fall into a \”self-pua\” vicious circle. This low self-esteem and low sense of worth make them lack confidence and self-motivation no matter what they do. Children need encouragement just like plants need water. Professor Fu Peirong said: \”If a person does not have a good family environment, it will be difficult to start a normal life.\” Children who have lived in criticism and accusation for a long time only learn to condemn; they have always lived in hostility. Children who are aggressive only learn to belittle themselves. Only children who are accepted, understood, affirmed and encouraged by their parents have the opportunity to thrive. In \”Brother Overcoming Troubles 2\”, Wu Jianhao\’s sharing was particularly touching.Heart. He once couldn\’t find a job and moved seven times a year, sleeping either on the sofa or on the desk in the office. When he was at his lowest, his mother came to him, held his hand, and told him: Brother, if you work hard, your mother will work hard with you. You can do it for sure. A few simple actions and words made him feel confident all of a sudden. Since his mother believes in him and thinks he can do it, he also has greater willpower to believe that he can do it. Three months later, he received the script for \”Meteor Garden\” and quickly became an instant hit. Today he still lives a positive and optimistic life. In fact, whether a child can be strong, brave, and independent depends on whether his parents can give him enough love and confidence. It’s not that most parents don’t love, but they love in the wrong way. If you want to express true love, please give your child more encouragement from now on. First, learn to listen to what your child has to say. When a child encounters a grievance, don\’t rush to talk to him. Listen patiently and give him a chance to express himself. You can ask like this: \”Have you encountered any difficulties? Tell dad/mom about it. We are listening.\” Only when he feels that his parents are willing to accompany him and understand his mood and feelings will he be willing to express it and seek more help. help. Secondly, respect your child’s choice. Deng Yaping\’s son liked to play e-sports for a while and even thought about becoming a professional player. To this end, Deng Yaping personally inspected two professional e-sports clubs and shared the information obtained with her son for reference. As for her son\’s choice, she completely respects it. Smart parents know how to treat their children as independent individuals and respect their thoughts and actions. Only when children are understood and allowed will they have the courage to continue trying future challenges. Even if he falls, he will not panic or be afraid, but can build up a strong heart. Finally, stand with your children from the bottom of your heart. When the educator Hei Youlong and his wife learned that their son was regarded as a thief in the supermarket, although they were anxious, they still calmed their son\’s emotions first, and chose to believe in his son, telling him that \”his son is not bad at heart.\” No matter how mischievous and rebellious their son may be, they still accompany him attentively and kindly, guiding him to slowly progress and grow. Later, with their trust and encouragement, his son finally \”enlightened\”, studied hard, and fought back all the way. Psychologist David Elkind said: What children need to know most is that they are important to their parents and will always be surrounded by love no matter what. So please tell him that when he needs his parents for anything, just ask and don\’t be afraid of troublesome parents. He also told him that no matter what, his parents would be his safe haven and always give him support and strength. As parents, everyone wants to give their children the best in the world and find ways to help them grow up quickly. But in the process of raising children, they accidentally ignore their children\’s feelings and place too many demands and conditions on them. In fact, children don\’t want much, just as the writer Sanmao said in the letter to his father: The sorrow of my life is not that I have not earned the whole world, but that you appreciate me. A word of appreciation and a look of affirmation are incomparable rewards and blessings for children. Click \”Like\” and all the encouragement from parents will become children\’s armor to face the world and help them surviveSurvive the coldest winter in life and welcome the joy of spring.