What should I do if my child is addicted to games and refuses to read?

Parents often complain to me that their children are addicted to games. When I get home every day, I finish my homework and then play games until late at night. If you force him to sleep, he will get up in the middle of the night and play in the dark. Some children play more enthusiastically as they approach important exams. The parents saw this, and their anger kept rising. They threw their mobile phones, pulled out the network cables, and made all kinds of tensions, but with little effect. This isn\’t too bad. Some children stay home from school and lock themselves in their rooms every day to play with their mobile phones. They play around day and night without recognizing their relatives. Parents are anxious but afraid to have an attack, worried that their children will have an overreaction. It is normal for children to like playing games, but if they cannot control themselves and become addicted to it, it will become addictive. There are many reasons why children are addicted to games. Today I will only talk about one of the more secret reasons: children are addicted to games, which is probably because they lack the ability to self-soothe and regulate their emotions. In the inner psychological structure, this area is underdeveloped. Because when a person feels stressed, encounters setbacks or is depressed, his heart is empty, isolated and weak. This bad feeling is very intolerable, and you will subconsciously look for something to fill your heart and seek comfort, such as games, food, tobacco and alcohol. In other words, when our inner ability to self-soothe is insufficient and we rely too much on external things to fill our hearts, we are prone to addictive behaviors, such as addiction to games, alcoholism, overeating, etc. 02Why do some people lack the ability to self-soothe? It still has to go back to one’s childhood. Anti-drowning safety education for primary school students, etc., 100-lesson audio encyclopedia for comprehensive protection of children\’s safety. When children are still babies, they need meticulous care from their parents. When the baby is hungry, peed, bored, or cries, the mother will come to comfort the baby. Timely responses time after time, comfort and satisfaction time after time, over time, the child will have a sense of security in his heart. He knows that the world is safe and his needs will be met. At the same time, he will also internalize his mother\’s role as caregiver and comforter and develop the ability to self-soothe. In this way, even if the mother sometimes cannot respond in time, the child will try to self-regulate and take care of himself. For example, a child wants his mother to tell him about a picture book, but his mother is busy and has no time to tell. Although the child is a little disappointed, he will try to read the picture book by himself and tell himself a story. In this way, the child\’s ability to self-soothe is gradually developed. However, if the parents do not give their children enough attention and care – for example, the parents are absent and rarely accompany their children; or the parents themselves are depressed and unable to take care of their children, or they are more emotional and cannot give a stable response; or they ignore, By ignoring the needs of children, or even suppressing, denying, or blaming them, children will be unable to internalize their parents\’ comfort, and will not be able to develop the ability to self-soothe. In other words, if a child does not have a role model to learn from, he will not know how to deal with his own emotions, especially strong and negative emotions. He lacks a stable and warm object in his heart, and he is easily confused, fragile and depressed. 03 If you pay attention and observe, you may find that some children are easier to talk and talk when things happen.reason. For example, if the family planned to go to the amusement park, but the temporary plan changed and they could not go, the adults explained the situation to the children. Although the children were a little disappointed, they agreed. Some children, on the other hand, are not very reasonable when it comes to things and tend to get into trouble. You said that the plan had changed and we couldn\’t go to the amusement park, so he stopped and started acting like a fool: No, I\’m going! Go ahead no matter what! Parents are often frustrated. In this situation, it seems that the child is being unreasonable and unreasonable, but the underlying reason is probably that the child is unable to deal with his own disappointment and cannot soothe himself – in his view, only by letting things go according to original expectations can he be able to Assuage his disappointment. When a person\’s inner ability is weak, he will rely more on external stability and hope that everything will go as he wishes. Once there are fluctuations or dissatisfaction in the outside world, the inside will be shattered to pieces and have nothing to rely on. When I was a child, I could act wildly and let my parents satisfy me, but as I get older, I can\’t ask the outside world to satisfy me. At this time, it is very likely that you will retreat subconsciously – retreat deeper into your heart, retreat to your home, and stop going to school; or you may escape and escape to a calm place. 04For example, games. On the one hand, games become a hiding place for children to escape their inner anxiety, frustration, frustration, meaninglessness and other negative emotions – once they start playing games, all those unhappy things are forgotten. On the other hand, children find good feelings through games and experience their own sense of existence, creativity and achievement. Through games, children soothe themselves and give themselves something to rely on. Games become children\’s self-help behavior. However, this method is to drink poison to quench thirst. Because once you exit the game and return to real life, all the problems and emotions will come to you again. what to do? I can only escape into the game again. At this time, what the parents see is that the child is addicted to games. He plays games all day long, and plays more energetically at critical moments. He is only in a good mood when playing games… 05 After understanding the underlying reasons for addiction to games, we should How to do it? If your child is still young, start now and try to be a stable, warm, and regular mother. Let your child learn the ability to self-soothe and regulate emotions from you – this is the heirloom you give him, and it is his basic ability to cope with storms and setbacks. If your child is already older, please realize that children\’s addiction to games is not just a problem with mobile phones, nor is it just a behavioral correction, which will only make things worse. Instead, go deep into the relationship level and re-examine your relationship with your children and your family atmosphere. Take a look to see what kind of image the child has as a parent in his heart, and whether he has internalized a stable and supportive object image. Go a little deeper. There are two underlying logics in solving the problem of children being addicted to mobile phones and various parenting issues: 1. The problem itself is not the problem, the problem is the child\’s solution, and it is an opportunity for children and parents to grow together. 2. We cannot just focus on superficial problems, but must consciously cultivate children’s underlying abilities by solving problems.Such as the ability to self-soothe, the ability to regulate emotions, etc. When we have this crosshair in our hearts, our cognitive landscape will open up, our mentality will be more stable, and we can respond to various problems more intelligently and flexibly. And this is also a watershed, which determines to a large extent whether the child will be less troublesome to raise, or the child will be more troublesome to raise.