Li Meijin: Before the age of 12, parents must teach their children these three abilities

We often say that children’s growth is irreversible, and if you miss it, you will never get it again. As a parent, when is the best time to educate your children? Professor Li Meijin of the Public Security University of China once said: \”Before the age of 12, it is an important period for children to develop their character and conduct. The results thereafter are the seeds planted by early education.\” In other words, if something goes wrong with a child after the age of 12, The root cause is that there are problems with the parents\’ education methods before the age of 12. As Dr. Montessori said: \”Everything we do to children will bear fruit, not only affecting his life, but also determining his life.\” No matter how successful a person is in his career, it cannot make up for the failure to educate his children. Shortcomings. The laziness of parents in their children will be reflected in their children one by one. It makes you regretful but unable to recover. Therefore, before the child is 12 years old, parents must \”force\” their children to develop these three abilities to benefit them throughout their lives. The first ability: independence, the soft power with the greatest growth. I once saw this sentence on the Internet and was deeply touched by it, \”If you can\’t support me all my life, why have you been so pampered to me since I was a child?\” Parents are unwilling to withdraw from their children\’s lives. The child will never grow up. CCTV recommends over 500 high-scoring excellent documentaries. Children will become addicted to self-discipline after watching it. If children want to be independent, parents must quit in time. This is a compulsory course for all parents. Parents who can take the initiative to withdraw from their children\’s lives have devoted thousands of times more affection than they do to their children. Someone once conducted a survey and found that the earliest batch of post-00s who left their parents generally had the problem of \”being unable to take care of themselves.\” Self-care ability seems simple, but in fact it has a huge impact on children\’s growth. Parents who love their children must have long-term plans for them. One day, a child will leave his parents, and he will eventually have to make his way in the world on his own. Do you want him to be cared for like a flower in a greenhouse, unable to withstand the baptism of wind and frost outside; or do you want him to survive independently and be able to deal with any problems calmly? As parents, we have two tasks that we must do well: first, accompany him to grow and establish a close parent-child relationship with his child; second, teach his child to take care of himself and promote his independent growth. Dr. Montessori said: \”The highest goal of educating children is to make them independent, not dependent on their parents either mentally or materially, and to be responsible for their own thoughts and actions.\” Before the child is 12 years old, he must be allowed to develop independent self-care abilities. You cannot just care about his studies. No matter how good his academic performance is, if he does not have the ability to take care of himself and the basic ability to live independently, he will eventually be eliminated by society. If the previous love was love for the sake of love, then the current love is love for the sake of leaving. Precisely in order to allow children to live a good life after leaving them, parents must actively withdraw from their lives. Children must be encouraged to do things they can do on their own. It is better to let the child do it once than to do it a thousand times. I forget when I hear it, remember when I read it, and understand when I do it. The second ability: Frustration resistance, the trump card in life. When educating children, many people have this misunderstanding: We always encourage children to get 100 points in exams and get first place. We always teach children to succeed., but children are rarely taught how to face failure. In the eyes of many parents, they only see the joy when their children succeed, but ignore their children\’s feelings when they face failure. \”It\’s okay, just do it well next time!\”, \”Take the first place next time\”, whether it\’s chicken blood or chicken soup for the soul, adults don\’t care about children\’s psychological endurance when facing setbacks. Long Yingtai said: \”We worked hard to learn how to successfully sprint a hundred meters, but no one taught us how to fall with dignity when you fall.\” Parents ignore it again and again, and the \”knot\” accumulated in the child\’s heart becomes It will get bigger and bigger. Children with poor mental endurance will always be at a loss and desperate, which will only cause endless sorrow in the end. Professor Li Meijin said: Frustration training is very important for children’s character formation. Without frustration resistance, children will become timid, withdrawn, or even collapse when they encounter a slight setback, leading to an irreparable tragedy. A 17-year-old boy in Shanghai was criticized for having a conflict with his classmates at school. His mother drove him home and said a few words to him, but when he passed the Lupu Bridge, he took advantage of the pause in the car to open the door without hesitation, ran straight to the bridge, and jumped off without looking back. . A 14-year-old girl ran away from home because of an argument with her family. She was in the rebellious stage and ran away on the national highway alone at night. Fortunately, the police on duty found her in time and took her home safely after understanding the situation. It is really urgent to cultivate children’s ability to resist setbacks! Life can never be smooth sailing. The sooner children are allowed to experience setbacks and learn to regulate their emotions, the sooner children can accumulate a sense of normalcy in the face of failure. There is a saying that the measure of a person\’s success is not how high he reaches the top, but how hard he bounces back when he hits the bottom. Resistance is the best gift parents can give their children, and it is also the source of their strength to make comebacks. The third ability: abiding by rules, the best self-protection ability. As children grow older, their desire to explore continues to increase, and collisions are common for children. What parents have to do is not to restrict their behavior, but to teach their children to follow the rules. This is the best self-protection ability for their children. For children, they must understand the rules and achieve the following two points: first, the awareness of obeying the rules, and the second, having a sense of boundaries. 1. Rule awareness What are rules? Let your children understand what they can and cannot do. You must not harm yourself, disturb others, or damage the environment. What you say, do, and do are in line with the common standards of group life. For example, when crossing the road, running a red light, no matter how many times the teacher tells it, there are always some children who violate traffic rules after school. And once you are accidentally hurt, whether serious or minor, you will feel distressed for a while, or even for a lifetime. These are all injuries caused by taking chances and violating the rules. Only by teaching children to understand and abide by the rules can we ensure that they grow up healthily and happily. Dr. Montessori said that freedom based on rules is true freedom. You can give your children freedom, but it must be based on rules, unrestrained, and no questions asked. That is not raising a child free-range, but allowing him to grow \”barbarically\”. If you love your children, you should give themEstablish rules. If you don’t set rules for your children, no matter how good the education is, it will be useless. 2. Boundary awareness: When people get along with each other, they only care about two things: their own business and other people\’s business. This means that everyone will have certain boundaries when getting along with others. It is important to teach children a sense of proportion and boundaries. There are safe areas between people, people and things. Once borders are crossed without restraint, it will cause countless troubles. Don\’t think that just because you are close, you can be unscrupulous. Sometimes it is just an inadvertent sentence that makes the other person feel disgusted or even hurts the other person, causing the collapse of the intimate relationship. Parents and children also need a certain sense of boundaries. If there is no sense of boundaries, it is easy for parents to go \”offside\” and take over or even replace things that their children should do by themselves. This not only \”infringes\” on the child\’s independent growth space, but also affects the parent-child relationship between each other. Hellinger, a master of psychology, once said: \”A good family must have a sense of boundaries.\” What many families lack is often this sense of just the right boundaries with their children. Parents pay too much attention to their children, do too much, and tire themselves out. In the end, they only impress themselves and delay their children. Russian writer Bondarev said: \”The root of all human suffering is the lack of a sense of boundaries.\” Especially for children whose minds are not yet mature, a sense of boundaries is even more important. Don\’t underestimate the education of \”sense of boundaries\”, because it is the root of whether a child will have a \”harmonious and intimate relationship\” in the future, and it is also the confidence for a child to dare to say \”no\”. Psychologist Sylvia said: \”All love in this world aims at gathering. There is only one kind of love that points to separation, and that is the love of parents for their children.\” When children are young, all the pressure is shouldered by their parents. , but the child will grow up one day and face life independently. If you really love your child, you must \”force\” him to develop these three abilities. This is the best education for your child.