Child, why do you lie?

I was chatting with a friend a few days ago, and she mentioned that her 3-year-old baby is very good at \”lying\”. He said to me worriedly: \”A child at such a young age has begun to lie. What do you think he will do when he grows up?\” Indeed, from a moral perspective, lying is unacceptable and immoral behavior. Most people even believe that lying should be punished. But from the perspective of child development, what I want to tell you is: research has found that children’s lying is not an isolated behavior. It is universal among children and increases with age. It is generally believed that children\’s lying behavior increases from the age of 3 to before adolescence, and only declines after adolescence. Traditionally, we all think that lying is a very bad behavior. But for children, lying is of great significance to their growth. A child who lies does not mean that he will grow up to be a liar. By understanding the truth behind lying, we naturally view the behavior with a relaxed mind. You may even be happy about your child\’s \”lying\”, because a report points out: \”Lying is a stage that every child must go through, and it is a symbolic progress in intelligence and brain development.\” I believe parents will be very concerned about it. How to guide children not to lie. First of all, parents need to find out the reason why their children are lying, and it is important to prescribe the right medicine. It is generally believed that children\’s lies are divided into: imaginary lying, intentional behavioral lying, and self-defense lying. The so-called imaginary lying refers to the fact that children cannot distinguish between imagination and reality. Children before the age of 3 have weak generalization and abstraction abilities. They cannot distinguish between actual things and inner imagination, and often mistake imagination for reality. In particular, sometimes children will say things they desire very much or things they often imagine in their minds as if they were real things. For example, when a child sees that other children have interesting tank toys, they will say, \”I have one too. My mother bought me one.\” But in fact, the mother did not buy it for him. This is just a desire in his heart. It\’s just an imagination. Parents don’t have to worry about this type of lying, let alone blame and criticize them blindly. Doing so will only increase children\’s confusion, and parents should fully satisfy their children\’s desire to express their imagination. You can encourage children to make up their own stories or adapt them, and you can also often play \”role-playing\” games with them to release their imagination and creativity through games. The so-called intentional behavioral lying refers to the behavior when children deliberately lie in order to realize a certain wish. For example, some children like a toy but their parents do not buy it. At this time, the children may deliberately lie to their parents and say that the teacher asked to buy it. This is intentional behavioral lying, in which children rationalize their wishes in the hope that they will come true. For this type of lying, parents should actively communicate with children and guide them correctly to express their needs. Such as discussing with parents, obtaining through labor, etc. The so-called self-defensive lying refers to children lying in order to avoid accusation or punishment. This type of lying behavior is also considered a natural human behavior. If parents are too strict with their children and criticize them when they make mistakes, they may evenA big fight. This will cause them to have a strong sense of fear, and out of self-protection, they will lie to avoid punishment from their parents. There is a very classic example of a child breaking a vase at home. When his mother came back and found it, she asked: \”Who broke it?\” The child replied: \”It was a kitten.\” This is a typical attempt to evade responsibility. And lie. Regarding this type of lying, parents should reflect on and correct their own education methods and treat the mistakes made by children correctly. Let children understand that it is not terrible to make a mistake, but the terrible thing is not to admit it. At the same time, children should be helped to establish the belief that they can correct their mistakes, have the courage to take responsibility, and win everyone\’s respect. This allows them to tell the truth more. Use effective communication methods to help children understand lying behavior, and at the same time, use some rewards to help children correct themselves. Yes, what we emphasize is not to treat people in a punitive way, but to reward them in a diversified way. For example, if a child tells the truth, parents can use physical rewards (kisses, hugs, etc.) or material rewards (delicious food, fun toys, stickers, etc.) to reinforce the child. In this way, children will understand that not only will they not be criticized for telling the truth, but they will also be rewarded. Of course, everything should be done in moderation, and parents also need to be careful when implementing reward methods. Every child\’s growth process needs to be spliced ​​together through fragments of this kind. It is important to find the reasons and guide them. It is also important for parents to maintain a normal mind. So if your child lies, don\’t worry or blame yourself. Just treat it as a normal thing during the growing stage.