Parents who don’t understand how elementary school students speak cannot become expert negotiators.

Compared with childhood, school-age children will undergo great changes, especially in communication. Children in elementary school often encounter the problem of making friends. Children of this age often believe that they should be \”independent.\” Most of the problems encountered by children in junior high school are how to get along with peers in groups. Some children are particularly sensitive at this age and will conflict with their peers about anything. At this stage, parents need to understand their children\’s communication characteristics, communicate with school-age children skillfully according to their characteristics, and guide their children to negotiate with others. Communication characteristics of school-age children The communication methods of school-age children (6-11 years old) have these characteristics: School-age children begin to see the world with complex eyes. For example, they begin to think about abstract things and are able to use logic to reason about what is happening in the world. They begin to think about the cause-and-effect relationships between things and can look at things using objective standards. School-age children\’s speech becomes more purposeful. They will be more organized before doing things and will plan before acting. Their communication style is mostly command-oriented and driven by their own desires. The attitude of school-age children towards their parents begins to change. Sometimes children want to be more independent and rebellious, but sometimes they are very dependent on their parents. Children this age can cause a lot of headaches for parents because they start to need personal space. Sometimes they need their parents, and other times they throw tantrums. If parents still treat them as children, they will be very angry. School-age children begin to question and doubt their parents. Children of this age begin not to view their parents as authorities. This is normal as children start to think more critically. Sometimes parents feel hurt because their children seem to be getting further and further away from them. School-age children begin to speak and look and begin to change their communication methods according to the situation. Very young children always communicate with people in the same way, no matter who they are communicating with or the occasion. But school-age children already know how to adjust their speech to suit the occasion and the target audience. They also easily learn new ways of speaking from television, peers, etc. School-age children who begin to close themselves off become reluctant to open up. No matter what the relationship was with their parents when they were young, school-age children begin to slowly close their minds because they have slowly begun to have a life outside the family. Starting to become more humorous School-age children begin to have a more mature sense of humor. School-age children begin to learn to tell jokes, puns, and play more complex games. They begin to understand television programs for adults, and they can begin to understand and analyze the premise of game rules. How do parents communicate with school-age children? Regarding the changes in school-age children, how do parents communicate with school-age (6-11 years old) children? Here are some tips: Find the right time. After the children start school, they may not have so much time to talk to their parents. Then, he may gradually begin to be unwilling to tell his parents everything about him. Therefore, as a parent, you need to find the right time to communicate with your children. Stop treating him like a child and treat him in a mature wayWhen communicating with your child, stop treating him like a child. School-age children want others to treat them as adults. If their parents still talk to them the same way they did when they were children, they will feel embarrassed and hurt. For example, you can use a suggestion method: \”I hope you can start studying as soon as possible. When do you plan to start doing homework?\” rather than a command method: \”How many times do I have to tell you before you agree to do your homework?\” Respect your child. Ask your child what he thinks and understand his needs. Don\’t make a fuss if your child hides something from you. Your child can have his own secrets, so he will feel you respect him. Ask Specific Questions Ask your child specific questions, don’t ask ambiguous questions. Don\’t ask: \”How was school today?\” You can ask: \”How did the teacher comment on your essay?\” And don\’t ask leading questions, such as \”Do you think this is the right way to talk to me?\” You can say: \” I feel bad when you talk to me like this.\” Don\’t deny your children without any basis. Don\’t deny your children without any basis. Instead of saying, \”That\’s ridiculous, how is this possible?\” Say, \”Really?\” Your comments to your child should be specific and well-founded, not vague or personal. Paraphrase the child\’s words. Paraphrase the child\’s words in a mature way. After the child has finished expressing, you can repeat the child\’s question again and ask him, \”Am I right to think so?\” In this way, you show respect for the child\’s thoughts and make the child feel that you understand him and listen. His, so that the child will be willing to talk to you more. Use humor to resolve embarrassment. Admit that you will make mistakes, but you can do so by joking. Sometimes humor is the best way to resolve a dispute or make a request, and it works for both adults and children. If you are willing to admit your mistakes with humor, your children will look up to you. Stop giving orders and letting your children set their own rules. Stop giving orders to your children. For example, you can let your children set their own time schedule, and you can make some suggestions on the side. School-age children need more freedom from you. Don\’t be cold-blooded If your child doesn\’t want to talk to you, don\’t be cold-blooded. Sometimes your child suddenly loses trust in you, but don\’t get angry with your child, as this will make the situation worse. Sometimes children say harsh words to you, but don\’t take it seriously. This is their way of asking for independence and personal space. How to teach children to negotiate with others So, how to teach children to communicate with others? Professor Roger Fisher, director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, believes that successful negotiation skills can allow both parties to obtain the best solution. Professor Bruce Patton, one of the researchers of the Harvard Negotiation Project, believes: “When children establish social relationships with others and better understand each other’s interests, their own needs will change, and it will be easier to find solutions at this time. \”When teaching children negotiation skills, we need to make them realize that the idea of ​​winning everything or losing everything is detrimental to both parties. The most important thing is to understand the respective viewpoints of both parties and then reach an agreement that everyone can accept. plan. Here are someAdvice from parents: Don’t always try to be first in everything. When your child is calm, you can tell him that he doesn’t have to strive to be first in everything. Although children all want to win and don\’t want to lose, they don\’t need to be the first when negotiating with their peers. They should understand other people\’s positions. Parents should not blame their children blindly if their children do not obtain the best results through negotiation. The child was put under a lot of pressure while the adults were watching the child\’s negotiation. So when educating your children, don\’t start with critical words, such as \”You lost, you are really hopeless.\” If you say this, the child will be in a very low mood and may not listen to your teachings. Look at disputes from the perspective of a bystander. If your child has a conflict with a peer, you should first calm down the child, and then let the child look at the dispute between himself and his peer from the perspective of a bystander. Children need to realize that the two parties just have different opinions, but do not escalate the problem to the level that the other party is \”sick\” or has a \”bad personality\”. Parents can help their children express the problem in their own words to ensure that their children\’s opinions are fully expressed. But be careful to set a rule: \”You cannot attribute all the reasons to the other party.\” Find \”common interests\” Parents should help their children realize that resolving disputes requires the joint efforts of both parties, and everyone must consider the other party\’s position. Parents can encourage their children to solve problems in different ways. One way is to find \”common interests.\” For example, the common interest of children in preschool can be \”let\’s continue playing together\”; the common interest of children in elementary school can be \”let\’s be friends\”. Common interests do not have to be an object, but can be friendship, peace, or something else. What parents and teachers have to do is help children realize this. Negotiating becomes much easier when you realize your common interests. Negotiations in the adult world are often like this. National leaders must find common interests—protecting the environment and preventing war. Creating ways to safeguard common interests encourages children to \”brainstorm\” solutions. For example, if two children want to play with the same iPad, parents can guide the children to come up with a method together, such as taking turns to play, or exchanging iPads with mobile phones. Of course, this assumes that the children have calmed down and realized that both parties have common interests (such as \”we all want to play together happily\”). Use objective criteria to evaluate things. All negotiations must rely on some criteria. It is not easy for young children to distinguish the difference between subjective and objective, and they often think that what they think in their minds should be understood by people all over the world. Parents can guide their children to list \”fair\” standards, such as \”when everyone expresses their opinions, others cannot interrupt\” and \”no hitting or swearing\”. Children can also use these rules in future negotiations. If both sides agree to such rules, then they can begin peace negotiations. Professor Roger Fisher believes that parents should be careful not to use \”bribery\” or threats to force their children to agree to a certain rule, such as food or punishment. Sometimes it is very difficult to calm children downIt is difficult, even for high school students, to quickly calm down in a heated argument. At this time, parents should wait patiently for their children to calm down. For example, they can wait for the children to rest for a night before discussing solutions. Prepare Alternative Plans Sometimes the two parties cannot reach an agreement. At this time, parents need to help their children find alternative plans. For example, they can ask both parties to list a list of solutions to see if there are multiple alternative options. For example, if the other party insists on playing with the iPad first, you can ask the child to take out the football and ask the other party if they want to play together, so that you can use alternative methods to resolve the conflict.