99% of parents don’t know that doing so will kill their children’s resilience

One day after work, I met a relative. She complained that her son would shrink back when encountering some difficulties and that he could never afford to lose. I play games with my friends, and every time I almost lose, I stop playing. The same goes for studying. When you encounter a difficult problem, you stop writing. When you fail in an exam, you don\’t want to study anymore. In short, when I encounter some setbacks, I kneel down. I have no mentality to face the difficulties at all. It is all the behavior of facing the difficulties. Why do some children become full of energy and full of energy soon after being frustrated, while other children become discouraged and unwilling to try again when they encounter a little setback, such as my relative\’s son. After reviewing the parenting history of this relative, I found that her children encountered a situation that other children with poor resistance to frustration often encounter, that is, they were deprived of the opportunity to solve problems in person. When he was a child, he failed to build the blocks and burst into tears. His mother would say, \”It\’s really useless to cry over such a trivial matter\” while helping him put the blocks together. I was playing checkers with my friends. When it was his turn, he took a little longer to think about it. When his mother saw it, she would say, \”I don\’t know how to do this, so stupid.\” Then she started to help him play. In short, when his children encounter problems, their parents will always solve them for him while instilling in him \”you can\’t do it.\” In this way, it will inevitably damage the child\’s self-confidence, making it easy for the child to feel that he is not good enough when encountering problems on the way to growth, and then avoid them. Parents complain that their children shrink back when encountering difficulties, but they never realize that they have strangled his resilience in the cradle. As parents of children, we always hope that our children can withstand the wind and rain. As small as it is, you can try to solve problems by yourself when you encounter some problems. As big as, when you grow up, you will lose love or something, and you will not seek life and death. But I forgot to let the child go through his own problems since he was young. When he fell down, let him figure out how to get up. Tell him that he can face setbacks. This frustration resistance, that is, our ability to face setbacks, is like a protective sleeve that protects us from rising from the fire instead of being burned. So how should children’s resilience be cultivated? Research shows that one of the most important factors in developing resilience is self-efficacy and a positive, optimistic and brave heart. Self-efficacy is a concept proposed by psychologist Albert Bandura, which is a person\’s degree of confidence in his or her ability to complete a certain target behavior. People with high self-efficacy have a positive attitude towards their abilities, are able to make greater efforts, and are more able to persevere in difficulties. People with low self-efficacy are more likely to avoid difficulties and magnify difficult situations. In other words, people with high self-confidence have strong resistance to frustration; people with low self-confidence have weak resistance to frustration. I want to cultivate children\’s resilience and improve their self-efficacy. The first thing we need to satisfy is the child\’s desire to act independently, so that the child can have the belief that he can independently decide on his own behavior. For example, a two- or three-year-old child is asked to choose his own clothes. Even if the clothes he chooses are indeed not beautiful in the eyes of adults, he might as well let him make his own choice. Let him or her feel that he or she is trusted. It doesn\’t matter whether the choice looks good or not. What matters is that he can bear the responsibility after the choice.Accompanying and guarding their children, watching them complete tasks independently, parents try to control their impulse to intervene. These parents\’ \”not doing anything\” may allow their children to grow, change, learn and conquer new things. challenge. There is also no need for additional frustration education. As long as parents give their children the opportunity to solve problems on their own when they encounter problems while growing up, they will have a sense of competence. If a child fails to build building blocks, accompany him and encourage him to build it by himself, so that the child can experience his own strength, believe in his ability to cope with difficulties, and believe that there is great strength in his small body. You must know that the difficulty of building blocks as a child is far lower than the difficulties encountered in work and love as an adult. Don\’t be afraid of your children failing. It doesn\’t matter if you fail. The key is to face it. You must realize that after crying, you still have to deal with the problem, and you have to climb out of the pit you fell into. Even in the face of loss, you can calm down your emotions and know how to accept it. Let children understand that when dealing with setbacks, they must have inner courage and believe in their ability to face them. It is every experience of children solving problems independently that gives them confidence and courage. So, let the children solve their own problems. As long as we parents play the role of companion, encouragement and support, resist the urge to \”do something\” and try our best to \”not do anything\”.