All the reasons for setting rules for children are hidden in this simple traffic light

One day while driving home, at a very large intersection, the traffic light was broken. I felt panic in my heart. Facing the passing vehicles, I didn’t know whether I should grab the right of way or give way. There are no rules for driving vehicles. They move or stop depending on their mood or skills. For a moment, I feel very helpless and even a little scared. Yes, chaos makes people feel insecure, and safety is the first need of human psychology. After having this experience, it was like an epiphany, and I suddenly understood how to set rules for my children. In the past, when I talked about setting rules, I always felt that I was wronging the children, as if we as parents were forcing them to adapt to this society. Only then did I realize that setting rules for children was more about making them live more calmly and comfortably in this society. How important are rules to children? Setting rules for children is like building traffic lights one after another at the crossroads of his life. If you don\’t tell your child the rules of the game, the world will be like a chaotic crossroads to him, disordered and unstable, which will make him live in fear of not knowing what to do. And the \”rules\” that we think are some kind of confinement can exactly give children a sense of security. Only by knowing what can and cannot be done can a person feel safe, confident and happy, and develop himself better. Like an intersection with traffic lights. When the light is green, you ride as fast as you can, fast or slow, fast or urgent, and you always know that you are definitely right. And when the light is red, no matter how anxious and anxious you are, you always know that you must not break through and can only wait patiently. Use your bottom line to create a safe world for your child, where he can have fun and roam as he pleases. Set rules and don’t compromise because of crying. After one year old, the baby has self-awareness for the first time. He is using his little wisdom to start testing the laws of this world. He wants to explore as much as he can and master all the laws within his range of activities. If you think something is wrong and try to stop him, he will cry to you immediately. The standard process for children to test adults\’ bottom line: being stopped – crying and acting – understanding that it is impossible to get – calming down – finding another opportunity to test – confirming that it is really impossible to get – understanding the rules and never trying to break them again rule. The only difference between different babies is the intensity of crying, the duration of crying, and the number of repeated trials. Don\’t compromise just because your child cries. Crying is an inevitable process for children to accept reality and adjust themselves! If you give in because of crying, he will cry even harder next time until your bottom line is tested. How to set rules like a traffic light. Because of this, you must think deeply before setting rules. Face your children\’s various requests and do not easily agree or refuse. (Red Light District) On issues of principle that cannot be compromised, don’t give in from the beginning. For example, in the safety category, you cannot touch sockets and must sit in a safety seat; or in the habit category, you must brush your teeth, etc. If your baby resists and refuses to sit in the seat, or if he cries, he doesn\’t need to brush his teeth, then all your energy and patience in the future will be spent on bargaining and tug-of-war. Some time ago, a mother asked about safety seats. CC likes to sit in an safe seat.All seats? What should I do if my baby doesn’t like to sit? My answer is that CC is willing to sit because she has to. I basically drove her on the road alone. I drove fast and violently, and I didn\’t dare to take her out without sitting on the seat. If they have not had the habit of sitting before, 90% of babies will resist at first because they are not comfortable and free to hold. But if parents persist, 99% of babies will eventually adapt. When it comes to safety seats, parents are actually tested. If you want him to sit, he will definitely be able to sit. If your rules are ambiguous, the child will be in great pain, because he will never know. If he continues to try and cry a little, you will compromise and have to use more intense testing to confirm. (Green Light Zone) Non-principled issues that can be compromised should not be blocked from the beginning. We don\’t need to discuss those absolute green light areas. Let\’s just talk about the situations where a \”green light\” is required under special circumstances. Try to think through it before saying \”no\”, and evaluate the negative consequences and whether you have the patience and energy to carry it out at the moment. If not, you might as well be a good person. If you have a lot of things going on and are in a bad mood right now, maybe allowing your child to watch an episode of cartoons or eat a piece of candy is a better choice for you. For example, tonight, when you saw it, it must have been last night. I was writing three articles at once, and I was a little overwhelmed. At this time, CC asked for another ice cream. I refused out of habit, saying that if I eat more, it will be right for my teeth. Oh no. At this time, she started to compete with me, asking me to eat or play other games with her. My thoughts on writing a sentence were interrupted by her three times. I understood that she was asking for attention. After thinking for 3 seconds, one finger was much cuter and there would be no problem eating another one. But if I continue to refuse in such an anxious state and cannot meet her other needs at the same time, she will definitely get angry, and so will I. The final result may be my unhappy compromise. So I agreed directly and generously. The reason was that CC was very good tonight. I knew that my mother was a little busy, so she played by herself without disturbing me. Mom thanked CC, so I will give you another one. Give the green light occasionally, but the frequency must not be too high, and you must give reasonable (but not necessarily true) reasons to let the child understand why this time is OK. There are many similar situations, such as allowing children to eat sweets on a plane because they are afraid of disturbing other passengers. It can be said that I helped my mother carry her luggage today. Thank you, baby, you can have one more candy. For example, while I was answering a call from my boss, I allowed my child to watch another episode of cartoons in order to calm him down. It could be said that I had a great dinner, so I could watch another episode. This is not entirely a lie, but in order to make the rules go more smoothly in the future, you need a little knowledge. (Yellow Light District) CC went to kindergarten and I discovered a lot of yellow light districts. I also think that this is probably the fun part of raising a child. We are not teachers, who say one thing is black and white; we are mothers, and from an emotional point of view, we are destined to have yellow light areas. For example, last night, when I was sleeping with CC, I was in a hurry to write the unfinished manuscript, so naturally I wanted her to go to sleep as soon as possible, but she was not in a hurry. One moment, she let me sing a nursery rhyme to her, and the other moment, she let me sing a nursery rhyme to her, and then she gave it to the little doll she slept with.Change the order. I couldn’t help but ask: Aren’t the children in kindergarten taking naps by themselves? yes. If the teacher doesn\’t sing to you or give you a doll to sleep with, how can you sleep well by yourself? Because there is no mother in the kindergarten, but there is a mother at home. Yes, as a mother, I can\’t help but let things go. If everything is really rigid and cannot be changed, it seems that there is less warmth. You can agree just by acting coquettishly, so you might as well just agree! If you act cute, you can step on water flowers, and if you act coquettishly, you can go play in the mud in the garden. Although I am not very happy about this, I can smile and agree in the end. For the occasional little pride in the child\’s eyes, just allow her to be wild for a while. The first world for children is given by us, and the first rules in this world are set by us. What kind of world do you want to give him? Is it stable and down-to-earth, with clear right and wrong, or is it chaotic and changeable, with no rules? I believe you are very clear. Setting rules for children is a long-term journey that will lead to repetition and regression. Please set the rules carefully and stick to the principles.