What is the difference between \”being considerate of children\” and \”doting on children\”? This little story is thought-provoking

This is a story that happened a few years ago. During the Jewish New Year holiday, our family drove to Asklon, a small town in the middle of the country, to visit a friend’s parents. Asklon is close to the Mediterranean Sea and has beautiful white sand beaches, as well as blue sky and sea level. The sea surface is calm and the waves are gentle. Xiaoya, the eldest child who has lived in the desert since she was born and played in the swimming pool, saw the shells for the first time. They were like treasures and she couldn\’t put them down. We accompanied her to pick up a large bag. It was in the middle of the day, which was longer than we expected, and my sister started to scream with hunger. Then she was satisfied and followed us back to a friend\’s house to take a bath and collect her luggage. After taking a shower, cleaning up the sand brought back from the beach, collecting her luggage and going downstairs to say goodbye to her friend\’s parents, Xiaoya suddenly discovered that the shell was missing! Her immediate reaction was to cry loudly, with tears streaming down her face like pearls, and she kept shouting for shells. After Yaba and I thought about the possible lost location, Yaba took her back to the original room to search. Others also helped search everywhere in the living room and outdoors. Everyone even turned over the trash cans to look for it, but they couldn\’t find the mysteriously missing bag of shells. Xiaoya, who followed Ya\’s father back to the living room, still continued to cry, with tears still falling in strings. She looked very sad, and no matter how much everyone tried to comfort her, it was of no use. Dad Ya looked at me, as if asking me how to deal with this situation. It was one o\’clock in the afternoon, and my sister, who was accustomed to eating at noon and taking a nap at one o\’clock, was stuffed with some biscuits, and she sat in the baby chair hungry, tired, and unhappy. The drive back took 5 or 6 hours, plus we had to eat lunch, so we almost couldn\’t get home before dark. Ya\’s father has a bit of amblyopia. Although it does not hinder his daily driving, work and rest, it is somewhat difficult to drive home in the dark on the mountain road. I don\’t want this to happen from the bottom of my heart. So, the answer in my mind is: just let her cry! It\’s more important to get home quickly. Anyway, the child\’s mood is over in a flash, and he may forget about the shell after a while. Why are adults so serious? Besides, isn’t this life? There are many things in life that are helpless and impossible to deal with, so it would be good for her to learn from them. It’s good enough that Ya’s dad and I didn’t scold her for not holding the bag properly, right? Before the words were spoken, Ya\’s father seemed to have made up his mind. He lowered his head and said to Xiaoya, \”Dad, take you back to the beach to pick up shells again!\” Upon hearing this, Xiaoya burst into tears and laughed. Since Ya\’s father has already made a promise to the child, I can\’t say anything else. We said goodbye to our friend\’s parents and quickly got in the car and headed to the beach. My friend\’s mother brought a plastic box to Xiaoya and told her that after picking up the shells this time, she should put them in the box and keep them away, so as not to drop them again. After driving, Ya\’s father suddenly thought of something and turned to me and asked: \”Am I spoiling the child too much? I know we have time pressure, but I really don\’t want a good trip to end in an unpleasant experience.\” Anyway, you are the one driving the car, and I have no objection to you being willing to drive on a mountain road in the dark just to make her happy.\” In my heart, I felt that Jews really doted on children, and I didn\’t know whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. When they arrived at the beach, Ya\’s father said to Xiaoya: \”NowDad holds you in his arms, and we quickly go to the beach to pick up shells. We only pick up shells, don’t play in the water, don’t do other things, and then we have to come back quickly. Because everyone is hungry and needs to eat, and we have a long drive home. \”After 20 minutes, Xiaoya came back with a smile on her face and proudly showed me a box full of treasures. \”Yima, my father and I picked up all the shells on the beach, and there was not a single one left. . \”She told me very happily and contentedly. On the way home, I kept looking at Xiaoya. She kept playing quietly and contentedly, looking at the shells, and kept nagging me. He talked about the differences between each shell, and even when he fell asleep, he still held them tightly in his arms. The joy of regaining the shells did not make the almost 4-year-old child feel high, but he was filled with a strong sense of caution and cherishment. I looked at her sleeping little face with the corner of her mouth slightly raised, and couldn\’t help but say to Yaba: \”Maybe you are right, maybe it is right to go back and pick up shells. Maybe this is not to spoil the child, but to be considerate of the child.\” mood. At least we won\’t have a baby crying all the way home. \”I suddenly remembered that according to Xiaoya\’s personality, crying for a long time means that she is really sad, and she must remember such a bad thing as losing her beloved toy for a long time and be sad for a long time. Thinking of this, the feeling of guilt began to ripple. Why? When I looked at this matter before, the option of \”turning back and picking up shells\” never existed in my mind? Am I too dismissive of children\’s emotions? Am I too centered on the needs of adults? Too different Li Xiaoya burst into tears? Isn\’t it normal for her to be just over 3 years old and to accidentally forget something she loves? How could I wishfully think that it would be over if I cried anyway? Besides, we are not Why can\’t I stop more for the sake of my children when I\’m catching a flight? Why do I feel like I\’m spoiling my children? \”I still remember my experiences as a child and the sadness I felt when I was a child. \”Yaba drove slowly on the dark mountain road and told me in an understated way, \”My father is the kind of adult who, even to death, would never take more detours or wait a little longer for the sake of his children and wife. \”I spent several trips with regrets, sadness and disappointment. Maybe it was the little bear I forgot in the hotel, or maybe it was the postcard I forgot to buy, but I was just a child at the time! I would make mistakes , I will forget, why can\’t you give me a second chance? Maybe I will cherish it more, maybe I will be willing to learn to become better… As a result, when I think of those trips later, I only remember the sadness at the end, and my parents My incomprehension… \”I don\’t want to be a father like my father… I hope that children will remember that it is allowed and tolerated to make mistakes when they were young, as long as they can seize the second chance!\” \”Now several years have passed, that box of shells that are not very beautiful and diverse is still Xiaoya\’s favorite. It contains the full love of \”lost and found\” and \”injured feelings are empathized and made up for\”. She later I drew the incident, and when I was older, when I could write, I even wrote the incident into a story, which won the appreciation of the teacher and the touching of the classmates. Now, BeiThe shell is stored in a glass container at the entrance of the living room. Every time when I get furious because of a child\’s fault, those shells remind me of Xiaoya\’s little face with a slightly raised mouth while she was sleeping soundly on the way back that day, reminding me to rethink the child\’s attitude after drawing the conclusion that it comes from pampering. Or it comes from a lack of ability. I always remember Ya’s father’s request that day: The child is just a child, please remember to give the child another chance!