Can you accept that children are not as good as their parents?

This morning, I was chatting with everyone in the mothers’ group about the issue of parenting mentality. Unexpectedly, everyone’s emotional floodgates were suddenly opened, and they all complained: I don’t dare to watch Moments. Every time I watch it, I get irritated, which affects my mood and parenting. I simply don’t care about relationships; seeing other people’s children being excellent and smart will also affect my mood, making me envious and jealous… I feel that both of us are academic masters, but our children have no signs of it at all, so we are not reconciled; our children cannot learn well. Okay, I really can’t accept it; one mother said that when she was checking Moments, she saw what happened to other people’s children, learned this, and got that certificate. In an instant, a sense of loss hit me, just as the naughty child came again and started watching cartoons. I was so angry that my mood was immediately ignited. I don\’t know why I got so angry, and my child is also frightened and at a loss. Everyone is in comparison, and because of the comparison, they feel lost and anxious. Scenes like this are very common. But, think about it from another perspective, what if the children also compare themselves to their parents? If children are like adults, how should we face it as parents? Why is my mother not as good-looking as the aunt next door? Why is the car my father drives not as good as my classmates? Why do they live in a big house? …Fortunately, children are simple, and their judgments on everything are not secularized or have the value system of the adult world. As parents, we cannot avoid comparison and have expectations for our children. Even so, we must be true parents and accept ourselves and our children. Accept yourself, face your parents calmly, recognize yourself, and truly face yourself, and you will discover your strengths and weaknesses. Everyone is not omnipotent, and we should not be demanding on our children if we fail to do it. Be truthful to your children and don\’t suppress your emotions or speak inconsistently. In this way, firstly, your emotions will not flow smoothly and you will not be in a good mood. Secondly, the children will also be confused as to what the mother means. Children are very sensitive. They can sense the emotions of their parents. If we say, \”It\’s okay, you\’re good like this\” or \”If you don\’t like it, don\’t learn it.\” But at the same time, we feel very unwilling and even annoyed. What does this leave young children to do? He had no idea what was wrong. Therefore, we can truly express our thoughts: I am envious when I see your little friend drawing so well. No matter what, let your children know your true thoughts and emotions. Have a plan and don’t be anxious. Because of my daily work, I come into contact with many authors, many of whom are what we call successful people. Regardless of whether he is a senior executive or a company boss, when it comes to children\’s education, he always talks about it in the same way. There was a female CEO of a listed company who impressed me deeply. She was very good at raising children. The kindergarten was an international school and the primary school was a famous elementary school attached to Beijing. When she talks about her children\’s plans and the learning content she has planned for her children, she is a bit different from ordinary families. When it came to practicing musical instruments, many children played the piano, but she thought very clearly that if so many children practiced the piano, her own children would not be able to be pianists if they were not talented. So, just use it as a bonus when entering higher education. She chose a bass for her child. The cost of buying the instrument and the tuition fees have already shut out many families. In this way, children can easily join the orchestra and perform abroad.Participate in various music competitions. This is the result of choice and planning. She will not be anxious or hesitant, because she will find a path suitable for her child based on her own resources and strength. In the same way, it is the same for us in ordinary families. If what is in front of your children is to rely on the college entrance examination to change their destiny, don\’t talk about not pursuing scores, have a clear goal, and get into a good university. If your family has some strength, you can take the exam to study abroad or take other education routes. When planning based on the actual situation of the family, parents will think clearly, be firm-minded, and will not follow the crowd or be easily emotional. It is very common for children to be inferior to their parents. I always remember a Kochi mother I met. She was a university teacher at a key university in Beijing. After talking about the children who are currently in the fifth grade of primary school, the cost of various cram schools, and the pressure of being promoted from primary school to junior high school, Youyou said: It is also very difficult for children to get into the university where I teach. Even in Beijing, they need to pass the exam. About 2,000 people. This is also a type of anxiety. I\’m afraid that the university my children will get into won\’t be as good as my own, or their job won\’t be as good as my parents\’, etc. All your own successes or achievements are your children’s frame of reference. I am afraid that my children will be inferior to me and fall out of the so-called class. In the process of a person\’s growth and development, various opportunities, social environment, etc. are comprehensively contributed to it. We cannot ask our children to be better than us. My child\’s father and I both came to Beijing from unknown small counties to put down roots and work hard, buy a house and have children. However, when our son was born, everything we had worked so hard to accumulate came naturally to him. What else should we strive for? I\’m not even sure if I can buy a house by myself with his income in the future. We can only create a good environment for him and guide him according to his actual situation. As for what it will look like when it grows up, it’s really not up to us to decide. Draw clear boundaries and give children independence and freedom. Many times, we force our children for the unfinished dreams in our hearts. The goals we have not reached are what we hope our children will achieve, and the future pictures we see are what we hope our children can have. However, children are children and parents are parents. They have their own lives and should not be their parents\’ puppets. If we insist on this, will the child live his own life, or a life that reflects the will of his parents? I used to hope that my children would do this or that. I wanted my children to learn things that I didn’t know how to do or wanted to learn, such as piano, painting, and singing, but he wasn’t interested. After a few times, I realized that this was not what the child wanted, this was what I wanted and was imposed on the child. Because blood is thicker than water, it is often difficult for us to be refreshing with our children. However, children will eventually grow up. Establish boundaries, give your children space, leave some distance, and make each other feel comfortable.