There was a little boy who wanted to marry my son and ended up breaking his heart…

Sometimes they cuddle and cuddle together, and sometimes they fight and break up… Is this the friendship between children? ! In fact, that\’s because their understanding of friendship is far from reaching a mature stage, just like today\’s story about Xiaochuan, just like the \”friendship between children\” thing I\’m going to talk about today… A few days ago, when I came home from school, Xiaochuan was mysterious Xixi wants to tell me a secret. \”Mom, Tim said something to me today. Hahaha…\” \”Do you think there is something wrong with his head? How could he say such a thing! Hahaha…\” \”I tell you, you must not tell Someone else! Hahaha…\” Going back and forth, hesitating to speak, covering his mouth and giggling, it made me extremely curious. Later, he finally said it out: \”Tim said he wanted to marry me.\” Suppressing the surprise in my heart (because Tim is a boy!!!), I pretended to be calm and asked him: \”Why did he say that?\” \”He He likes me, he said I am his best friend!\” Xiaochuan replied without hesitation, \”But how can a boy marry a boy? There must be something wrong with his head.\” Hearing what he said, I felt relieved. Come: \”Tim is your good friend and likes to play with you. His head is not broken, but he just doesn\’t know that boys can\’t marry boys.\” I immediately told Tim\’s mother about this. She was also very surprised and said she must have a good chat with Tim. Later, she told me that Tim regarded Xiaochuan as his best friend and wanted to play with Xiaochuan all the time. Unexpectedly, the good friends who were so good that they \”decided to be private for life\” broke up easily two days later. That day, Tim brought two special pistols to Xiaochuan to play with. Every time he comes to our house, he just plays with whatever he wants as if he were at his own home. Xiaochuan had no objection at all and was busy looking for toys he liked for him (Tim had said before that Xiaochuan was his best friend because he was willing to share toys). But when Xiaochuan wanted to see Tim\’s pistol and discuss with him \”one for you and one for me,\” Tim refused without hesitation. His mother asked him: \”Didn\’t you say that Xiaochuan is your best friend? Xiaochuan always shares toys with you, why don\’t you want to!\” Listening to his mother\’s tone becoming more and more forceful, Tim immediately shouted to go home. . The aggrieved Xiaochuan also broke out and yelled at Tim: \”I don\’t want you to be my friend! I always share toys with you, but you never give them to me! You don\’t want to be in my house anymore, leave now!\” Tim and the others The front foot left, and Xiaochuan finally couldn\’t hold on anymore and burst into tears. He felt extremely wronged, hurt, and sad. I held him gently and let him cry happily in my arms for a while. After he calmed down, I told him softly: \”Son, mom knows that you feel wronged and sad. It\’s really not good that Tim doesn\’t want to share. But it\’s his toy, and he has the right to decide whether to share it. You can\’t force him. \”But, I have shared it with him, why can\’t he? Aren\’t we friends? I don\’t want to be friends with him anymore.\” Xiaochuan was unconvinced. \”everyoneThey\’re all different. Just because you can do something yourself doesn\’t mean you can ask your friends to do it. If you really can\’t accept it, you don\’t have to be friends with Tim. But if you do this, you will find that you will have fewer and fewer friends. Because everyone has shortcomings. Xiaochuan thought for a while and still said: \”If Tim doesn\’t realize his mistake and apologize to me, I won\’t be friends with him.\” \”\”All right. If you decide. But as the little host, you can’t drive the guests away next time! \”I didn\’t persuade him anymore. Because I knew that children of their age (under 10 years old), their understanding of friendship is far from reaching a mature stage, and is still limited and one-sided. We cannot force him to accept our point of view. This One judgment comes from the results of an interview study of more than 250 people aged 3 to 45 by Robert Selman, a professor of psychology, education and development at Harvard University. He found that throughout our lives, our knowledge and understanding of friendship is changes and can be roughly divided into 5 overlapping stages. Stage 0: Brief play partnership (3 to 7 years old), the undifferentiated stage of friendship. Children are self-centered and have difficulty considering other perspectives. They often Think only about what you can gain from a relationship. Most children will judge their friends based on proximity in time and space and practical value. For example, they will say \”She lives in the same building as me,\” or \” He has Ultraman\”. Stage 1: Single-help stage (4 to 9 years old), the one-way stage of friendship. Children of this age believe that a good friend is \”a friend who does whatever I ask him to do.\” For example, they will say, \”He is my friend because every time I borrow a toy from him, he always agrees\”, or \”She is not my friend. I ask her to go to the left, but she insists on going to the right.\” Stage 2 : Cooperation stage (6 to 12 years old) in which two-way help is provided but no sharing of adversities is possible. In the reciprocal stage of friendship, there may be certain mutual compromises between friends, but they still mainly serve individual self-interests rather than the common interests of both friends. They will say, \”I am willing to do something for my friends\”, or \”He is my friend. When others ignore me, he is the only one who plays with me.\” Stage 3: Intimate shared relationship stage (9~15 years old ), the mutual stage of friendship. In their eyes, friendship is an ongoing, close, and loyal relationship that not only includes doing things for each other. There is also possessiveness and exclusivity between friends. So, they will say, \” He is my closest friend, and when I found out that he was still friends with others, I was really touched and sad.\” Stage 4: The independent coexistence stage, the interdependence of friendship, and the interdependence stage. Children trust and support their friends. He provides help when needed, and at the same time begins to learn to respect the autonomy of his friends and know how to give each other freedom. Children at this stage will say, \”He is my friend, and I will firmly support him and help him.\” But I won\’t force him, he has his own ideas and choices. As a friend, I will respect his freedom. \”Children as old as Xiaochuan and Tim are in the overlapping stage of stages 0 and 1. They are still\”Self-centered\”, what matters most is what he can get from a friendship, and he feels that only \”friends who do what they ask him to do\” are good friends. They are not yet able to support their friends while respecting their independence. Even so, it is very necessary to guide him to successfully jump to a higher stage of friendship understanding and understand what true friends and friendship are. In addition, the more important role of parents is to care about their children\’s feelings. Although they do not fully understand friendship, they still feel sad because of their friends. When a child is sad about friendship, we must understand him, comfort him, protect his friendship with all our heart, and prevent him from losing friends easily. Besides, the child is very innocent and has no overnight feud. The next day, they played together happily again.