Good parents don’t talk much (worth collecting)

I have heard the story of the famous American writer Mark Twain. One day, Mark Twain listened to the pastor\’s speech in the church. At first, he thought the pastor\’s words were very good, and he was so moved that he took out his money and prepared to donate. After 10 minutes, the pastor had not finished speaking. Mark Twain was a little impatient and decided to donate only some change. After another 10 minutes, the pastor was still saying that Mark Twain decided not to donate a penny. When the pastor finished his speech and asked everyone to collect donations, the angry Mark Twain not only did not donate money, but also secretly took 2 yuan from the plate. Psychology explains this phenomenon as the \”overlimit effect\”, which means that the more you say, the less convincing you will be. In the education of children, parents’ nagging of their children is a typical “over-limit effect”. \”Why did you make a mistake again? I\’ve told you so many times, why don\’t you remember it?\” Many times, parents think that only by saying too much can their children remember. Little do they know that nagging is the reason why children are disobedient. Good parents don’t talk much. Talk less, listen more. I have seen a short Thai short film: In the short film, mothers are waiting for their children after school at the entrance of the kindergarten. When they see the children covered with mud walking over, the mothers immediately start \”nagging\” indiscriminately. \”Mode: At the end of \”Nagging\”, a short video called \”Today\’s Good Student\” began to play on the school TV, and the protagonist was their child. It turns out that the reason why the children were covered in mud was to help the gardener, who was pushing a wheelbarrow full of flower pots and fell into the mud. Mothers who knew the truth were surprised: \”I didn\’t expect this\” and \”I thought he was naughty again.\” They were moved and proud of their children\’s actions, and some even shed tears in excitement. In real life, when their children make mistakes, some parents, like the mothers in the video, will blame them without knowing the truth. They don’t know that it is better to listen to their children sometimes, understand what happened, and give their children a chance to explain their behavior. The most brilliant approach. Just like this mother: A child was always late for school for a while. The mother who received a call from the teacher was wondering why her son, who left so early every day, was late. She did not beat or scold the child, but asked the child calmly: Why do you go out so early, but you are always late? When the child saw that his mother had no intention of blaming him, he told his mother in detail: I went to help the old lady selling breakfast, and I forgot the time while I was busy… After hearing this, the mother hugged her son and decided to meet her son the next day. The son went to help the old lady sell breakfast. The child received a note and a watch when he came home from school: \”Helping others is a good thing, but it always comes at the cost of delaying learning. Your power to help others will always be insignificant.\” The touched child was never late again. Socrates said: \”God has given everyone two ears and only one mouth, which requires people to listen more and talk less.\” Ears are the way to the soul, and being good at listening is the best way for parents to communicate effectively with their children. Way. Good parents don\’t talk much, listen, and give their children a chance to explain and prove themselves. Talk less, do more One day, I went to a restaurant next to a kindergarten for dinner. I was deeply impressed by the educational methods of the two mothers at the left and right tables. \”baby,Come and eat some meat and some vegetables. Be careful not to get it on your clothes…\” \”No drinks allowed. Mom ordered soup for you. Drink the soup later…\” \”Children can\’t stand on the chair. This is inappropriate. Politeness…\” \”Baby, you can\’t eat shrimps with your hands. Mom has told me so many times. This is unhygienic and impolite. Use a spoon…\” But the girl seemed not to hear and continued to do her own thing, followed by The sound of chopsticks hitting the child\’s hand and the cry of the child. During the whole meal, I saw that the mother was busy nagging the child from beginning to end. Nothing the child could do was good, and everything the child did was wrong. And on the other side The mother and her daughter, who were also wearing kindergarten clothes, ate quietly from beginning to end. The mother ordered the children\’s steak according to the child\’s wishes. The child did not know how to use a knife and fork and tried to knock it around with the knife and fork. The mother quickly stopped him. , the mother sits next to the child, holds the child\’s hand, and teaches the child how to use the knife and fork step by step. If it doesn\’t work once, just twice, if it doesn\’t work twice, just three times, until the child learns… The child has no resistance and is serious. He imitated his mother\’s cutting of steak and happily brought the cut steak to his mother\’s mouth. While eating the steak cut by his child, his mother smiled knowingly and the whole meal seemed to be enjoyable. The same child, the same eating, Why do the same mothers make the atmosphere of eating so different? Daniel Wegener, a social psychologist at Harvard University, once conducted an experiment: He asked participants to try not to imagine a black bear. As a result, people\’s thinking rebounded strongly. , and soon the image of a black bear appeared in her mind. So for the first girl\’s behavior, the mother\’s nagging not only failed to work, but also caused her daughter\’s rebellion and disgust. On the contrary, the second mother was not eager to preach and let her daughter follow suit. On the contrary, their own behavior makes their children find it interesting. Many parents, like the first mother, always explain to their children how to be civilized and polite, but they don’t know that good conduct is not made known to children through nagging, but in Do it in behavior and let the children see it. It is said that teaching by words and deeds is the best family tradition, but I agree more with what Wang Euzhi said, teaching by example is more important than words. Good parents don\’t talk too much, but do more, so that their children can see it. Keep it in mind. Say less, wait a minute. I saw in the book the story of Mrs. Stena, a famous American scholar, educating her daughter Winifrette. One day, Winifrette asked her mother: \”I want to go to a friend\’s house to play for a while. Is that okay?\” ? Mrs. Sterna replied: \”Yes, but you must come back before 12:30.\” You know we\’re going to the movies together this afternoon, and it\’s rude to keep interrupting other people. \”But 20 minutes after the agreed time, Winifrette was not seen. Mrs. Stena waited quietly. Half an hour later, Winifrette came back. Mrs. Stena saw her daughter who came back late and said He didn’t get angry, but just told her: “Today we don’t have enough time, so we can’t watch the movie.” He also added: “What a pity! \”Winifrette was very sad that she had not watched the movie she had loved for a long time, but she remembered this lesson deeply and never made a mistake again. Faced with the child\’s fault, Mrs. Stena did not make long remarks, but only used patience. and waiting to let my daughter understand: if earlyListen to your mother and you will never miss a good movie. Sometimes the facts speak louder than a thousand words. Thinking of my sister\’s experience in educating her nephew, I didn\’t take it seriously. I went to my sister\’s house for dinner on the weekend. After dinner, we watched TV with my little nephew. As I watched, my little nephew put his feet on the coffee table. The sister told her nephew that it was rude and asked him to take it. Hearing his sister\’s nagging, the little nephew put his foot down. But not long after, it was put up again. The sister reminded again, \”Don\’t put your feet on the table. I have told you so many times to put them down quickly.\” The little nephew muttered in a low voice, \”There are so many things to do.\” After putting his feet down, he put them up again after a while. The sister was about to get angry, but the brother-in-law signaled the sister to stop nagging her. After watching for a while, everyone was about to turn off the TV and go to sleep. As soon as the little nephew got up, he shouted: \”Oh, I can\’t move my feet.\” The brother-in-law snickered and said: \”Baby, what\’s wrong?\” The nephew said: \”My My feet are numb!\” My sister suddenly realized why her brother-in-law stopped her from nagging just now. He wanted to wait for the child to understand the truth. Marx said that when humans learn to walk, they must also learn to wrestle, and only through wrestling can they learn to walk. Good parents don\’t talk much, wait for the results, and use facts to tell their children the cost of making mistakes. Someone asked on Zhihu: When was the most disgusting time for your parents? The highest praise is when parents are nagging. A boy in the first grade of junior high school said: \”It\’s enough to say a lot of things once. Although I know that my parents are doing it for my own good, if my parents say it too many times, I feel annoyed unconsciously…\” A girl in the second grade of junior high school also said: \”My parents If you talk too much, you will have rebellious emotions. Every day, you suspect that I fell in love prematurely. Later, I deliberately fell in love prematurely just to piss them off…\” Children will always have problems of one kind or another as they grow up. As a parent, we are always afraid that our children will turn into brats, so we are always eager to step in and accuse our children of their faults. Little do they know that when a child builds a psychological \”firewall\” against nagging, no matter how good the truth is, it is difficult to penetrate it. Tolstoy once said: \”Loving children is something that any old hen will do. The key is how to educate.\” If you feel that your children are becoming more and more \”rebellious\” and cannot listen to your \”good advice\”: You might as well Listen more and let your children know that you are a sensible parent; do more and let your children know what is correct and appropriate; wait and let your children know that there is a price to pay for making mistakes… Perhaps, this is more effective than nagging.