How to develop self-discipline in children

Some parents often complain about their children: procrastinating on homework, playing games and forgetting to eat and sleep. Even small things like sleeping and eating have to be reminded and supervised repeatedly. These seemingly trivial things consume a lot of parents\’ energy. So, why are some children able to be self-disciplined while others rely on adults? This is because children have not developed the habits of self-responsibility, self-management, and self-discipline, which means that children lack a sense of autonomy. What is a sense of autonomy? The sense of autonomy includes two aspects: first, I can make my own decisions; second, I can be responsible for myself. For example, one night, you carefully selected a book for your child and wanted to read it together before going to bed. However, the child said to you: \”I want to read another book.\” This kind of tendency to choose something is the child\’s tendency to choose something. This is a reflection of autonomy. Even if the book he chooses is not interesting, he has successfully experienced a sense of control and autonomy. In the future, his will will be stronger when it comes to reading, and his interest in reading will not be destroyed. When children feel that they have choices in life, they will gain more sense of autonomy, and then they will take the initiative to do something. How to help children develop self-discipline – self-driven growth – free reading mobi+epub+azw3 How does a child\’s sense of autonomy disappear? The term \”subject separation\” proposed by the psychologist Adler is essentially to distinguish between \”other people\’s things\” and \”my things\”. Take the matter of going to school in the morning as an example. Going to school on time is the child\’s own business, but sometimes adults will take the initiative to take on the responsibilities that originally belong to the child. While constantly urging the child to brush their teeth and wash their face, they will pack their schoolbags and stationery for them. Children may also feel irritated when their movements are slow. Throughout the entire process, the child is being ordered and arranged, and has no state of autonomy. As time goes by, children begin to rely on adults’ urging. He won\’t do many things if adults don\’t tell him. Even he himself doesn\’t realize that these things are his direct responsibilities. Correct approach: Child\’s topic: Get up on time in the morning and get ready for school. Topics for parents: Help children develop good living habits. Provide appropriate help when your child asks for help. Parents only need to prepare breakfast, send their children to school, remind them in time, finish what needs to be done, and leave the rest to their children. The most important thing about a sense of autonomy is being able to make your own choices and decisions. If a child has no choice in life and adults have paved the way for him, then the child\’s intrinsic motivation will be weakened and his sense of control over life will be taken away. Cultivating children\’s sense of autonomy requires parents to take a step back. There was once a topic on the Internet: How to make children hate playing games? Someone replied: As long as you force yourself to play every day, it will be fine. In this setting, adults interfere in children\’s subjects and change the child\’s mental state of playing games from \”I want to play\” to \”I want to play\”. In an instant, intrinsic motivation turns into extrinsic motivation. Children are driven by external motivation. The degree of autonomy also becomes smaller. Children who are always ordered and arranged by adults cannot learn self-discipline. Therefore, before talking about self-restraint, we must first give children a certain amount of freedom, and sometimes learn to take a step back when it comes to specific matters. Correct approach: First, invite children to participate in the management of learning and life. fromFrom simple dressing, drinking water, eating, to the management of study time, allowing children to do their own things by themselves cultivates children\’s sense of control over life and learning. The signal this kind of invitation sends is that I trust you. In this kind of trust, children see their own strength. They will realize that they are the masters of their own lives, and they will develop a sense of responsibility for their lives. The second is to use less control and coercion, so that children feel \”have a choice.\” The \”sense of choice\” in life is important. Children will resist us when they have no choice. However, once they experience a sense of choice, their resistance will be much less. For example, if a child doesn\’t want to go to bed, you can tell him that he can choose to read picture books or tell stories. Such small changes can help the child move from resistance to cooperation. In many things, if a child has an extra sense of autonomy and participation, he will feel that he is respected and free, and will be more willing to cooperate with his parents, making it easier for him to develop the habit of self-discipline.