The look of a mother getting angry is the scariest picture for a child!

Many parents lose their temper when raising their children. Sometimes it is because the child makes a mistake, sometimes it is because the child is procrastinating, sometimes it is because the child is acting stupid, sometimes it is because the child is too clingy, and sometimes it is because the child does not sleep. , sometimes it\’s because the child gets up, sometimes it\’s because the child doesn\’t like to study, sometimes it\’s because the child breaks things… In short, many of the children\’s behaviors will instantly ignite the fire in the parents\’ hearts, and it\’s really hard not to vent them. . Does losing your temper really work? Will the child correct himself? Will you develop the habit of getting up early and going to bed early? Will you stop putting things around? Will you start reading and studying right away? Will you become sensible immediately… 1 Here I want to say that losing your temper is ineffective and damages the parent-child relationship. Many parents should know that I have always emphasized that family relationships are the prerequisite for family education. Without a good family atmosphere and parent-child relationship, there is no foundation for family education. Then, losing your temper is definitely a behavior that harms family relationships and is not good. So, how can parents not lose their temper in front of their children? If they don\’t lose their temper, how can they stop their children from misbehaving and teach them to study and live well? Don\’t worry, let\’s analyze it bit by bit. I often tell my daughter Xiaowanzi the story of the wind and the sun. The wind and the sun compete to see who can take off the clothes of passers-by. The wind blew fiercely, causing passers-by to wrap their clothes tightly. The sun came out with a smile, shining with warm sunshine. Passers-by felt very hot and quickly took off their clothes. We all need to realize that inner change is the real change. To change the heart is like the wind and the sun competing to take off one\’s clothes. The whistling north wind can only make people wrap their inner clothes tighter. Losing your temper is actually a way to close the door to your heart. When you are about to lose your temper with your child, remind yourself immediately: losing your temper will never solve the problem, is ineffective, and will affect the parent-child relationship. Your rage will be reduced by half. 2. Two vicious cycles of losing temper. One is the formation of a bad parent-child communication model. We often see that the more naughty a child is, the more temperamental the parent becomes; the more angry the parent is, the more difficult it is to control the child; when the parent\’s temper escalates, so does the child\’s bad behavior. I still remember one of my elementary school classmates. He was a kind of \”very disobedient\” boy. His father not only lost his temper and beat him violently to discipline him, but also tied him up with an iron chain. But instead of being beaten and restrained, this classmate became even more unruly and unruly. By the second grade of elementary school, he could no longer continue to go to school and dropped out of school completely. Family discipline often falls into strange inertia. For example, after yelling at a child, they find that the child\’s bad behavior has not changed. Then the parent will think that since yelling doesn\’t work, he will give him a spanking next time. If spanking ten times doesn\’t work, then spank him. Twenty times. Parents often think that their \”strength\” is not enough, but in fact it is the other way around. I suggest that all parents who believe that \”children must be spanked before they remember it\” should be more curious and experimental, and try the method of \”giving children the opportunity to correct their mistakes\” and be more patient and tolerant. , trust more and give your children more time. I know, looking at the kidsMaking mistakes and not correcting them immediately or teaching them a lesson is actually a great test of the parents’ psychological endurance. However, please also believe that children have the ability to self-correct. In fact, children\’s learning and growth itself is a process of continuous self-correction. Therefore, we must respect the child\’s right to enjoy this process. With this kind of mentality adjustment, the source of losing temper will naturally be reduced. We often find that for many good-tempered parents, their children are often so well-behaved that they don’t need to lift a finger or say a harsh word. The second vicious cycle is long-term. The relationship pattern of the original family is likely to be carried over to the family when the child becomes an adult, and the bad relationship pattern becomes \”passed from generation to generation\”. Therefore, we will see that some families always speak warmly to their children, and the children whisper and learn to teach and behave politely; some families are always angry, and everyone is full of negative energy. Children are the mirror of their parents, and parents are their first learning objects. Children don\’t like to be scolded or beaten, but they have no right to choose. Therefore, even though he feels very hurt, he often deeply believes that \”children cannot be effective if they are not beaten\” as an adult. It is very likely that he will bring this bad parent-child communication model from his original family to his new family, forming a \”family\” Tradition\”. Losing your temper and spanking are not only ineffective, but can also damage the parent-child relationship. Many readers and friends told me that now that they are adults and parents, they always do not want to get along with their parents, and they quarrel whenever they talk on the phone. In fact, the root cause is the trauma in childhood. Moreover, I believe that many parents feel very guilty and uncomfortable after spanking their children – in fact, spanking and subsequent guilt consume more energy and energy than other patient methods. I recommend that parents never use tantrums and spanking as an option to discipline their children. Because only in this way will your heart open and your attention will naturally turn to finding real solutions. 3. Control emotions: Husband and wife act as psychologists for each other. If a parent has emotions outside the family, how can he not bring it to his children? The best way is for husband and wife to act as \”psychiatrists\” for each other. One of my best friends told me that the reason why she has a very good temper is because there is a \”psychiatrist\” in her family, that is, her husband. Whenever she encounters any unhappiness at work or even has problems with her friends, she always chooses to talk to her husband. After being treated by a \”psychiatrist\”, her emotions can often calm down and she no longer brings negative energy to her children. In fact, it is very simple to be a psychiatrist for your lover, that is, listen patiently and affirm the other person\’s emotions during the listening process (please note, this is not an affirmative action). For example, when your lover talks about how \”bad\” their boss is, you don\’t have to judge and say that the boss is too bad, and you can\’t fan the flames and say, \”Then let\’s resign.\” Don\’t be too busy offering suggestions and advice. You just need to affirm the other person. Emotions: \”You must be so mad! You\’re so angry!\” Just repeating the other person\’s feelings can let his emotions out. You will see your lover slowly calm down in the process of complaining, and you may even have sorted out your thoughts and found a solution. This method is called empathy in psychology. Yes, honeyFriends who love, when your lover is going crazy with anger, you only need to give him a firm hug, and patiently listen to and affirm his emotions, you can give him an unprecedented feeling of \”being understood\”, and your lover will always be with you. Cherish your \”confidant\”. Similarly, when a child is wronged outside, the first thing a parent should do is never to reason, but to listen and affirm their emotions. Only after the child dumps out the garbage in their heart can they pretend to accept your teachings! 4. How to control your emotions. For friends who often lose their temper, if you patiently pause for a while and recall the process of each time you lose your temper, you will find that the \”program\” of each time you lose your temper is almost the same. When you feel calm, just like playing a CD, play the entire process of your tantrum in your mind. Now, we are like the crew of our own life. You are the director of your own life. You can press pause at any time, you can modify the plot at will, let the actors re-interpret according to your requirements, and the editor can re-edit and re-edit according to your wishes. Regulate your emotions and replace your anger with something else…until you\’re satisfied. Then, we play this perfect movie in our mind, and carefully experience how you handle every aspect – your words, your tone, your body language… Write these new behavioral programs into your brain. This method of playing a CD is actually a hypnosis method, and it looks a lot like the summary meeting we hold after completing a major project. This hypnosis method is very safe and very effective. This method is also very suitable for changing those children who are angry every day. They lose their temper at every turn. After losing their temper, they are isolated by their peers and regret it very much. The first technique to control your emotions: abdominal breathing. The easiest way to control your emotions is abdominal breathing. Abdominal breathing is also called diaphragmatic breathing. The abdomen moves the diaphragm up and down. Because the diaphragm descends when you inhale, pushing the organs downward, the belly expands instead of the chest. For this reason, the diaphragm will rise higher than usual when exhaling, allowing you to breathe deeply and expel more carbon dioxide that tends to stagnate at the bottom of the lungs. Abdominal breathing is a breathing method often used in yoga, psychological hypnosis, etc. I regard abdominal breathing as a universal emotional adjustment switch. 20 deep breaths are enough to adjust an angry person to a calm rhythm. Once a person calms down, many words spoken without going through the brain now have time to pass through the brain and the heart, and then flow out gently and kindly. Abdominal breathing is also a way to maintain health. Abdominal breathing for 15 minutes a day is also extremely beneficial to health. The key points to note are as follows: 1. Breathe deeply and slowly. 2. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. 3. Hold each exhalation and inhalation for about 15 seconds. That is, inhale deeply (bulge your belly) for 3 to 5 seconds, hold your breath for 1 second, then exhale slowly (retract your belly) for 3 to 5 seconds, and hold your breath for 1 second. Dr. Thompson, president of the American Hypnosis Association, is a child psychologist. She introduced a method to guide 2-year-old children to do abdominal breathing – the Yo-Yo method. That is to let the child lie down, and both the parent and the child imagine that there is a yo-yo above the child\’s belly.The parent holds the yo-yo, and the child\’s belly pushes the yo-yo up and down again. Then, imagine using scissors to cut the rope of the yo-yo. Now, let the child control the raising and lowering of the yo-yo. This method is specially designed for children around 2 years old who still don’t understand the concept of abdominal breathing. The second technique for controlling emotions: Positive Pause Positive pause is a method of individual psychology. That is, when anger is on the verge of breaking out, leave the scene and go to a place where you feel comfortable and relaxed for a while, and then continue to solve the problem. I saw an interesting example in a psychology workshop. One classmate played the role of a husband who didn\’t come home until 2 or 3 o\’clock in the middle of the night for three consecutive days, and the other three students played his wife. The first wife\’s way of dealing with it was to resolutely not open the door and engage in a cold war. The teacher asked the classmate who played the husband, will you come home late next time? The \”husband\” replied: Yes; the second wife opened the door and yelled at her husband until she screamed. The teacher asked her husband again, and the answer was still: He will come home late. The third wife said to her husband: I am very angry that you have come back so late for several days in a row. I will go to the study to be quiet for a while and then talk to you. The classmate who played the role of the husband said that her behavior made me realize that my own behavior had a great impact on her. When she went to the study room, I also planned to think carefully about what to do in the future. The method used by the third wife was exactly the positive time-out method. The study room she went to was the positive time-out corner. Positive Pause is suitable for everyone. Note that positive time-out is not a punishment, but a method of emotional transformation. A positive pause corner can be a study room, a bedroom, or a balcony…anywhere at home. But that place is best a dedicated corner, decorated in a way that you particularly like. It is best to make it elegant, warm and pleasing to the eye, such as placing some lush plants, beautiful flowers, and some essential oils that make you happy physically and mentally. The third technique to control emotions: Vent and transfer. It is said that some companies under great pressure will prepare an airing room for employees, with sandbag dummies placed in it for employees to beat them up. When an employee who erupted from the volcano came out, the thunderstorm had cleared up and he was smiling. The mother in the picture book \”Angry Soup\” provides a very interesting method. The boy Hoss encountered several things that made him very angry one day. His mother cooked a pot of soup. They screamed at the soup, stuck out their tongues, banged the pot with the spoons, and then breathed \”fire dragon gas\”. ”, and then Hoss laughed, and so did Mom. What Hoss\’s mother uses is the \”punching bag\” method. The steaming pot of soup transferred all the negative energy from Hoss. In addition to cooking a pot of angry soup, mothers can also clean up the garbage at home, throw all the angry things into garbage bags, then tie them tightly and throw them into the community trash can. Imagine that you have such a big bag of anger thrown away, and your mood will immediately feel better. Another method of psychological adjustment is to lie in bed and imagine yourself lying on the beach, and the waves will take away all your life and rush to the deepest and deepest seabed. Such imagination is a form of self-hypnosis and is very effective. mostFinally, I wish every parent has a good temper, every family has a good atmosphere, and every child has a good mood.