The less capable parents are, the more they like to do these 4 things at home, ruining their children’s future without even realizing it.

Some time ago, I came across a topic on Weibo: #What kind of family is the most painful to live in? #Some people say, no need to think about it, families without money must be the hardest hit, because the poor people’s life tolerance rate is too low. This answer is certainly correct. But in fact, there is another answer that is more accurate and more hidden. In life, many families have average income, but they can enjoy themselves and live happily. In contrast, some families have nothing to do with poverty, but they have a pair of parents who often create internal strife. Most of these parents have one thing in common: they are unable to guide them on big things, they care about small things, and they constantly create quarrels and conflicts when they stay together. Children living in this kind of family, although they can feel the hard work of their parents, still live a very miserable life. Because the internal friction caused by parents does not damage the material, but the spirit. It will drain people\’s energy bit by bit, causing them to become depressed, anxious, and ultimately lose confidence in the future. In particular, the following four things are most commonly done by parents with internal friction, and as a result, they ruin the future of their children without even realizing it. Emotionally unstable and self-centered, there was a question on the Internet: \”Why do you become so angry when you go home to stay with your parents?\” A netizen\’s answer resonated with many people: \”Sometimes it may not be the case. We are sensitive because our parents have always treated me this way, so I treat them this way.\” Growing up, this netizen grew up with his mother yelling and suppressing him. As far back as she can remember, whether it was a broken bowl worth a few dollars, or shoes placed in the wrong position, or too much cooking water… these were obviously small mistakes, but in the eyes of her mother they were like huge enemies. . It felt like the sky was falling, and I was making a lot of noise at home. Sometimes, even if no one bothers her, she just asks \”Why is there no water in the bathroom?\” or asks a second time if something is not found. She would roar like a ignited bomb and everyone in the family would suffer. The key is that she never feels that she has a problem, and she can\’t listen to other people\’s words. She always feels that all problems are other people\’s fault. \”I know that she has suffered a lot since she was a child, worked a lot and paid a lot for this family. There was a time when I felt deeply guilty for not being able to pull her out of the abyss. But when this After this happened countless times, I learned that some people just won\’t talk to you properly, so now, whenever I hear her speak, I start to feel irritated and unreasonable, and then I can\’t help but argue. \”You can\’t control your emotions at all.\” You see, we will always fall into such negative emotions unconsciously and then be assimilated step by step. As parents, they are unable to examine their own faults and always blame others for all problems, and then vent their emotions through constant verbal attacks. As a young child, he does not have enough inner strength to judge correctly, so he can only be forced to endure every yelling, beating and scolding from his parents without missing a beat. These emotions will not disappear for no reason. On the contrary, they will be engraved into the souls of children like a brand. Even if they grow up and live far away from their families, they will still be affected in subtle ways. They will subconsciously try to please outsiders, become irritable with their relatives, and eventually become the person they hate most.son. At this time, parents are still thinking: Why are their children not grateful? How helpless. Extremely controlling, I still remember a story from last year. A 30-year-old doctor was diagnosed with cancer, but his last words before his death were \”I can finally be freed.\” As a parent, my heart will probably be broken when I hear these last words. But if you look at it from the son\’s perspective, it will be clear: how his parents pushed him to this point step by step. In the eyes of outsiders, he has excellent grades and a bright future, but in fact he is constantly controlled and suppressed by his parents. When eating, he has to be controlled when holding chopsticks up and down; when buying clothes and shoes, he can only buy black, white and gray colors; after graduating from college, he wanted to move out, but his mother scolded him for four hours and didn\’t say a word to him for five days. . It\’s not that he didn\’t think about resisting, but as soon as he opened his mouth, his parents started complaining. \”It\’s not easy for us to raise you, and our life is too hard.\” Under such high pressure, he was suffocated every day of his life. While accumulating resentment against his parents, he painfully suppressed his emotions, and finally his body surrendered first. After reading this story, I feel really helpless and helpless. There are too many such parents in life. Although they do not go to the same extreme situation, they are constantly consuming their children. For example, if you keep waking up in the morning, if you don\’t get up, you will be lazy and have no future prospects; if your name is called repeatedly and assigned to do things, if you don\’t hear the call twice, you will start to reprimand, \”You are so absorbed in playing with your mobile phone that I don\’t even ask you to help.\” \”Hear\”; no matter how good things are, you can always find shortcomings and problems in children, and then start preaching, scolding, and criticizing. If the child dares to refute, he will start to accuse: \”Are you saying that we have too much control over you? Then I will no longer care about you from now on, and I won\’t say a word!\” It is undeniable that most parents in life are In the traditional sense, good parents who have fulfilled their responsibilities want to use their own experience to provide advice for their children. But they never thought that the moment they forcefully interfered in their children\’s lives, they might bring a lifetime of grievance and pain to their children. This kind of tragedy is even highly contagious and becomes a fateful cycle that the next generation cannot escape. Life is a long journey, and everyone has his own life trajectory. The greatest success is when parents restrain their desire to correct their children all the time. It is the nature of parents to treat expectations as facts and hope that their children will succeed and their daughters will succeed. There\’s nothing wrong with that. However, many people regard \”study well, getting into college well, and finding a good job\” as the only criterion for measuring their children\’s success in life. As everyone knows, blindly demanding perfection will only make children live in fear for a long time. I am afraid that if I fail to meet the standards in the eyes of my parents, I will become a sinner in the family. Song Qian in the TV series \”Little Joy\” is a typical mother with \”excessive expectations\”. It was stipulated that her daughter Qiao Yingzi must devote all her energy to studying, she is not allowed to play with her favorite Lego, and she is not allowed to go to the planetarium that she is interested in… Under this environment, Qiao Yingzi has gradually become a pleaser personality, trying to cater to her mother no matter what she does. Feeling. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn\’t meet her mother\’s expectations. In a placement test, she ranked second in her grade. After returning home, she only said that she was in the fast class. But it has been known for a long timeSong Qian, who was overwhelmed by the results, immediately burst out: \”We\’re only in second place, what\’s there to be happy about?\” What\’s the result? Qiao Yingzi, who had not been recognized by her mother for a long time, began to skip classes frequently under heavy pressure, and her grades also declined. After the TV broadcast, an anonymous netizen commented: My parents are like this too. But the difference is that they clearly have no ability, and always attribute their incompetence and ignorance to bad luck. They compare themselves with the poor, but they want me to learn to compare with the good. As long as I didn\’t meet their requirements, they would scold me and deny everything I had. So much so that I now hate being with them. In so many years of experience in the industry, I have heard many parents complain: They really can’t understand why their children become less and less close to them as they grow older. In fact, in the final analysis, the root lies in the family and the cause lies in the parents. There are no perfect children in this world, just like there are no perfect parents in this world. The children have bad grades and bad jobs, but they just did the wrong questions, not the wrong people. We are all ordinary people. In fact, we should accept the ordinaryness of our children calmly. Instead of imposing our own will on our children and forcing them to fulfill our expectations. Only when parents learn to let go of their expectations can their children write their own future. I have a friend who likes to settle old scores when encountering conflicts. From the time we met, I haven’t seen her have any contact with her family. Occasionally I receive phone calls from my parents, but they also have a cold attitude. I once thought she was a cold person. It wasn\’t until I had a chat with her that I found the answer. It turns out that her parents always like to rehash old scores every time they chat, from being addicted to novels in junior high school and failing the high school entrance exam, to not listening to their advice and choosing liberal arts in high school, to breaking up with her ex-boyfriend… just these few things are mentioned repeatedly, even if She was doing well, but they still held on to her as if she was an unforgivable sin. Every phone call with her parents would make her depressed for several days. Seeing her depressed mood, her parents were still saying proudly, \”I don\’t understand you.\” \”They won\’t praise me for doing well since I was little, but they will keep it in mind when I do bad. Whenever they have the opportunity, they will use these things to accuse me and deliberately poke my pain points and psychological shadow. That was because of that in junior high school. Every time I failed the test, they told me all about my previous mistakes and would never stop until they scolded me, so I indulged in reading novels to escape. \”We often say that no matter how good the relationship is, we can\’t afford to settle old scores. . Old accounts are turned over, new and old grudges are piled up, and conflicts are increasing day by day. In the parent-child relationship, it is actually the same. Many parents, once they have a quarrel with their children, start to list their children\’s past mistakes one by one, thinking that this will help their children learn a lesson. As everyone knows, from the perspective of children, they are actually very reluctant to hear their parents emphasize their mistakes endlessly. From a psychological point of view, the essence of settling old scores is not to solve the problem, but to suppress the other party, or because it wants to make the other party suffer. Every time parents go over old accounts, they are actually a denial and a negative reminder to their children. Over time, various feelings of powerlessness and frustration build up in the children. The worst result is that the relationship between them deteriorates and the children become more and more rebellious. thisUnder such circumstances, the estrangement between the entire family became deeper and deeper, and eventually it slowly went downhill. Of course, I am not discussing these family conflicts simply to blame parents. I believe that most parents are unwilling to turn the family into a torture ground for internal strife, where family members will be full of resentment, grievances, and accusations, and lose their due love and vitality. It\’s just that they are affected by their background and life experience and cannot recognize themselves clearly, and they are unwilling to understand their children\’s feelings. As a result, they unknowingly push their children away little by little, and even destroy their children\’s future without even realizing it. What I want to say is: Parents’ home is the starting point for everyone’s beginning and the end of their return. As parents, our ultimate mission is actually very simple, which is to make our home a haven for our children. Lead them to set sail as they grow up, gently welcome them to dock when they are tired, until they finally grasp the direction of life and find their own happiness. Therefore, far-sighted parents know how to stop internal friction, correct themselves, and become the pilots of their children. Let the home be filled with warmth and hope, and let the children become better versions of themselves. Clicking \”Looking\” and stopping internal friction is the key to making a home better. Did your parents ever make you emotionally drained? Have you ever unconsciously caused mental internal friction? 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