Children who rebel during adolescence are lucky for families

In the process of consulting, I often come into contact with different families, children and parents of different families, and I have gained a lot and gained a lot of emotion. The most emotional thing in recent days is that if your child shows signs of adolescent rebelliousness, this is really a lucky thing! First of all, the development characteristics of adolescent children determine that they are prone to rebel against adults at this age. The rapid growth of the body and the slow maturation of the mind lead to severe physical and mental conflicts in adolescent children. Therefore, adolescent children often show emotional instability, strong aggression, hurtful words, and bad tempers. They are like a powder keg. It is easy for them to speak inconsistently and get angry at the slightest disagreement. If the parent\’s way of managing their children has always been forceful, requiring the children to be obedient and obedient, and not allowing the children to have their own ideas, then the children will have more repressed emotions. As their egos gradually grow stronger during adolescence, they will rebel. Behavior that exhibits an emotional outburst at a certain moment. Facts have proved that children from even democratic families will also have rebellion, but the intensity is different. Therefore, the reversal phenomenon occurs at this age, indicating that the child\’s growth and development is normal, the child\’s body and mind are healthy, and therefore he is also lucky. Secondly, the development of personality has its own rules, and each age stage has its main tasks for development. If the right thing can be done at the right time, the child\’s future personality development will be smoother, and only by following the trend can things go smoothly. The most important development task for adolescent children is to complete their self-identity, find themselves, and become themselves. Therefore, he will show that he challenges authority, goes against parents and teachers, and cares about his own image and the evaluation of himself by his peers. If a child is still very well-behaved and obedient at the age when he should be rebellious in adolescence, it can only mean that the development tasks that should be completed in adolescence are suppressed, and he fails to do the right things at the right time, which lays hidden dangers for the child\’s future development. . Parents\’ overly strong control over their children will lead to two extremes: either the children will always be obedient and do whatever the parents tell them to do, and follow the path specified by the parents. But when these children grow up, they often have no independent opinion, no purpose, and no sense of happiness. Whether it\’s doing things, making friends or dealing with people, it\’s easier to blindly follow and please. Either the child resists purely for the sake of rebellion and refuses to accept anything the parents say. The stronger you are, the more I resist. I want to be as strong as you. Even if you know it is wrong, you still do it deliberately just to avoid being controlled by your parents. This kind of child\’s rebellious spirit will be amazing, and he will even be willing to be an anti-social \”bad guy\”. If the parents are not only strong, but the signals they send to their children are also very confusing: on the one hand, they love their children very much, give them whatever they ask for, respond to requests, and are fully materially satisfied; on the other hand, they are sometimes very violent, suppressing and belittling their children with words, and even fistfighting when they lose control of their emotions. add. The deepest love and the most painful injuries come from the dearest parents! Children treated in this way will be very sensitive, confused, and unable to find their true self. One moment I feel that I am great, and the next moment I feel that I am useless; I care very much about other people’s evaluations, I am easily influenced by outside suggestions, and I cannot find my own strength in work and interpersonal relationships.Position; doesn\’t know what he likes, can\’t take anything seriously, and can\’t see the relationship between hard work and achievement. Finally, the rebelliousness that is delayed due to repression is even more terrifying. In consulting, I have also seen cases of reverse lag. Before going to college, I had always been well-behaved. I didn\’t show any signs of rebellion during my adolescence. I was a \”other people\’s child\” that my parents were proud of, and I was particularly worry-free. After going to college, he suffered from maladaptation and developed what Mr. Xu Kaiwen called \”hollow disease\” symptoms. Although the rebellious period was late, the child\’s rebellious period came after he went to college. This lag is very destructive and is not a simple matter of time. First, the child has grown up and has to face adult problems, but his mental development has not kept up. The pain of this maladaptation is more intense and the consequences are more serious. Second, while repaying old debts, new debts will also be owed. The rebelliousness in college was to repay the debts of adolescence, but new debts were owed during college. Very realistically, it will affect academic development, finding a job after graduation, and even finding a partner, which are all major issues. The third is the change in parents\’ status as they age. When their children are in adolescence, parents are still young and have relatively abundant physical strength and energy. They will be more calm when dealing with the troubles caused by their children\’s rebelliousness, and it is easier to maintain a positive attitude and emotional stability. By the time the child goes to college, the mother has entered menopause, her physical condition is declining, and her ability to adjust her emotions has reached a relatively low point. At this time, a rebellious collision with the child may really lead to a lose-lose situation. The earlier you fall, the lighter the injury and the smaller the loss. Only by doing the right thing at the right time and not owing old debts can we go into battle lightly and take the initiative. Children rebel when they should be rebellious in adolescence. This is really a blessing for the family. Parents should be grateful and happy, and respond with a more positive attitude. Don\’t regard your child\’s rebelliousness as a problem, think of it as a sign of your child\’s growth and an opportunity for growth. For children in the rebellious period, parents must respect, trust and let go. Don’t always worry, and don’t always be eager to control. Allow your children to try, think, adjust, and integrate on their own. Parents only need to pay enough attention and acceptance to their children, support them when they need help, hug them when they are uncomfortable, provide sufficient empathy and comfort, and provide sufficient support and encouragement. That is enough. Let the child believe that no matter where he goes or how far he reaches, his parents will always stand behind him and always be there! In this way, children can safely complete the development tasks of adolescence, discover themselves, find themselves, and finally become themselves.