Li Meijin: What kind of families do confident children come from (good in-depth article)

Recently, I saw a question on the Internet: \”What does it feel like to be a child who lacks self-confidence since childhood?\” A highly praised answer from @Hello He Yao read like this: There are more than 500 answers in the comment area, and each one The messages revealed the sensitive and humble souls behind the screen. Professor Li Meijin once said: \”Confidence is the foundation for a person\’s success. We must let children understand that their natural talents will be useful. Children\’s academic performance is indeed important, but performance is not everything. Parents should pay more attention to the all-round development of their children.\” Family education It is an art. The education that parents give to their children cannot be based on scores. Growth is more important than grades, and adulthood is more important than success. In particular, families that focus on cultivating these four aspects of their children will be more likely to raise excellent, optimistic and confident children. Professor Li Meijin, who is good at encouraging children\’s families, once shared a story in a lecture. 13-year-old Zhang Xiaoyi committed suicide by jumping off a building, leaving a suicide note: \”I am garbage, real garbage, garbage who can\’t do anything well.\” His words were full of frustration, and he said goodbye to his parents with deep self-blame and self-abandonment. Li Meijin believes: \”We should learn a kind of generous education. Sometimes children fail in study and are already very depressed. We should not attack their self-esteem anymore. We should have the courage to find other shining points of the children and affirm them. , encourage him. \”Yes, blindly mocking, criticizing, and labeling will only make children look down on their abilities, consume their inner energy, and even make them feel abandoned by the world. Parents should not be stingy in providing encouragement and education to their children. Only when a child receives full attention and appreciation from his parents can he grow into a child full of sunshine and confidence. The well-known host Yang Di is the best example. Once, Xiao S deliberately questioned Yang Di about his status in the hosting world. Yang Di replied with laughter: \”It is indispensable.\” He also confidently said that \”without me in the hosting world, some happiness will be lost.\” In fact, Yang Di\’s self-confidence is not innate. He is often attacked. When he appears on TV, he is always said to be unattractive. So why does he have this confidence? Yang Di made a sensation on another show and revealed the secret: \”No matter what I do, my mother always agrees, and they never say anything wrong. They always encourage me, affirm me, and make me feel good.\” I\’m really good.\” It was the encouragement and appreciation of Yang Di\’s parents that gave Yang Di, who was not outstanding in appearance, a lot of confidence, and supported his transformation from an unknown little character to a popular and national leader today. High comedian and host. Parents’ encouragement gives children infinite spiritual strength and builds their strong hearts. Just like armor, it protects the child from the outside world and stands shining in the center of his own stage. Not all fish live in the same sea. The growth of every child creates unlimited possibilities. For children, parents\’ trust and encouragement are the driving force for them to continue to realize their dreams. Families that know how to respect their children, Fu Seoul, who is known as \”the sober person in the world\”, shared a story on the show. At a family gathering, at the dinner table, the son’s aunt asked him to recite a poem to everyone. After she heard it, she immediately stood up and shouted: \”I\’ll recite it, I\’ll recite it to you, or I\’ll sing a song for everyone!\” It sounded quite funny, but what she said next made her laugh. People mused: \”The earliest atmosphere of comparison is at the dinner table of family gatherings. There are always a few relatives who will let the children perform impromptu performances while drinking. If others can recite five songs in one breath, but I can\’t stumble on one. If you can\’t recite it, the child will feel inferior to others, fall into self-denial, and lose self-confidence. \”The excitement is all for adults, and the children will only feel embarrassed, and they have to go through nine or ninety-one things to eat.\” Difficulties in learning and performing arts. In order to take care of their own face, many parents do not respect their children\’s wishes and force their children to perform. This will only make the originally introverted children become more inferior and the originally confident children become more sensitive. Children are not a face project of their parents. As Professor Li Meijin said: \”A child who has not been respected since childhood and has not felt happiness will not have a healthy and sunny mentality.\” Respect means treating the child as a thoughtful person. Individuals should not be condescending to deny or send children away. Respect gives people confidence. The greatest blessing for children is to have parents who know how to respect themselves. Everything is discussed and there is room for choice. The seeds of self-confidence will quietly take root in the heart. Families that provide high-quality support for their children Regarding how to raise a happy and confident child, Professor Li Meijin believes that “parents’ personal presence is more important than rich materials.” Famous host and entrepreneur Yang Lan has become one of the parents with the highest attendance at her children\’s piano school despite her busy work schedule. When she returns home, no matter how busy or tired she is, she will take time to communicate with her child attentively, patiently listening to him and listening to him talk about everything in his life. Devote yourself wholeheartedly to your child\’s world and create an emotional connection with your child. In fact, the secret of love given by parents to their children is not just physical companionship, but also long-term emotional \”holding\”. If parents are absent and neglected for a long time, children who lack a sense of security will grow up to be withdrawn, irritable, have low self-esteem and are sensitive, and may even have barriers to communication. Psychologists believe that a child\’s self-confidence is an affirmation of his own value as a person, and fundamentally comes from the unconditional love of his parents. Just like babies in infancy, they cannot speak, so they need to cry to call for their mother\’s hug, so as to feel that they are loved and cared about by their parents. Sometimes it is actually very simple to give children a sense of security. It starts from eating at the table every morning. There is no need to say anything, just accompany them quietly. Return to daily life, abandon electronic devices, and complete small things with children, such as parent-child reading, building blocks, graffiti, etc. Children can also fully feel the care of their parents. Therefore, parents should spend more time with their children, listen to their children\’s ideas, see their children\’s needs, and build confidence for their children and the courage to brave the wind and waves in the future. A passage in \”Self-Driven Growth\” for families that give their children the right to make independent choices tells us that most of children\’s confidence comes from independence: \”This \’own decision\’Feeling is the prerequisite for a healthy mind, the source of active progress, and the motivation to get up after falling. Because you want to be, not because you are forced to be this or that person. \”A truly confident child must be one who has the right to make his own choices. Chen Meiling, the mother of three children who were sent to the top prestigious school \”Stanford University\”, especially knows how to let go in time and let her children make their own decisions. Her eldest son chose in the United States When he was in high school, his mother also wanted him to choose a good school, but his son only chose an ordinary school because the school would give new students a horse. Chen Meiling respected her child\’s choice, and her son proved it by her own example. Your choice is right. You can have both excellent grades and a happy and confident life. But in real life today, many parents always take care of everything for their children, right down to what they eat, wear, and use every day. , as far as what hobbies to cultivate, what major to choose, and even whether you can accept invitations from friends, you have to strictly control it. When you reach the age of talking about marriage, you have to follow your parents\’ standards and decide who you are looking for. There is no room for decision-making. As a result, the child\’s sense of autonomy is suppressed, his self-confidence is damaged, he lacks a sense of responsibility, and he only develops a please-pleaser personality. It is really easy to control the child and do everything for him. But it is also the most useless and poisonous education. The courage to let go is the real test of parents’ psychological quality and value judgment. Parents who love deeply and silently have sacrificed more than restricting their children. Twice the affection and ten thousand times the effort, it is naturally worth reaping more confident, better and independent children. Educationalist Zhang Wenzhi once mentioned in \”Milk, Honey and Salt\”: \”Every child needs \’in his life.\’ Milk, honey and salt are the three nutrients. \”Milk\”, the \”milk\” with maternal love as the core, parents\’ full love and high-quality companionship, so that children will never lack a sense of security; honey, \”honey\” with encouragement and appreciation as its core, allows children to always affirm themselves Value, builds a lifetime of self-confidence; salt, the \”salt\” that helps children grow through tempering, has the courage to let children make decisions, take responsibility, and control their own rhythm of life. Each child is a unique gift, but in the end it becomes a gift. What kind of person you are depends on how your parents educate you. In the growth of a child, \”milk, honey, and salt\” are indispensable. They are close to each other when they are young, and they need to be given more by their parents when they grow up. If you add some encouragement to your children, reduce some blows, give them enough love, and support their progress with appreciation, your children will be able to grow more freely and confidently in the future, because if your heart has light, you will have a bright future.