The best family education is for parents to be \”idlers\”

In a remote valley, there is a small village called Cuizhu Village. People in the village live a peaceful life, but recently a guardian named Lao Zhang came to the village. He is responsible for the security of the village, supervising every corner and every little thing in the village. Every morning, Lao Zhang is always the first to get up and check whether every door in the village is locked and every trash can is used correctly. When the children were playing, if they made a little noise, he would immediately rush over to stop them. Whichever family spoke louder, he would immediately remind them not to quarrel. The villagers began to feel constrained, and their originally harmonious life became tense. One day, Lao Zhang met an elderly villager under the big banyan tree at the head of the village. Everyone called him Lao Li. Lao Li smiled and said to Lao Zhang: \”Look at this big banyan tree. Its roots are deeply rooted in the soil. No matter how wind blows or rains, it will not fall down. The leaves are fluttering in the wind, but the roots are firmly supported. Covering the whole tree.\” Lao Zhang listened thoughtfully. He decided to try changing his approach. He summoned the villagers and held a meeting under the big banyan tree. He said: \”From today on, we will make a rule: don\’t affect others. Apart from this, I will no longer interfere in everyone\’s lives.\” The villagers breathed a sigh of relief, and they agreed to Lao Zhang\’s proposal. . After the rules were set, Lao Zhang really let go. He no longer patrols every day and no longer cares about every detail. He began to quietly observe the changes in the village like a big banyan tree. At first, the villagers were a little uncomfortable with it, but slowly they began to live according to the new rules, and the order in the village became more orderly. The children laughed and played, and the villagers became more united. A few months later, Cuizhu Village returned to its former peace and was even more harmonious than before. Lao Zhang saw the peace in the village and smiled with satisfaction. Lao Zhang is very wise. He understood that sometimes it would be easier and more efficient to focus on the big and let go of the small, rather than manage everything in detail. The same is true for our family education. Many parents feel very hard and tired when educating their children, but it has no effect and they feel very troubled. I used to have a colleague who was a famous English teacher himself. Every time after school, he would take his children to the office and personally supervise them to do their homework. After a while he said: \”Sit down, sit up straight.\” After a while he said: \”Don\’t put your legs on the chair.\” After a while he said: \”Don\’t be so close.\” After a while he said: \”What\’s your word?\” It has to be so sloppy. \”To be honest, I was tired of hearing it. I think the children must not be happy either, and they don’t want someone pointing and nagging all the time while doing their homework. In the education process, if parents have to take care of everything and interfere with everything, they will often be thankless for their efforts. Some parents have to worry about when their children do homework, when to read, when to take a bath, and when to sleep, but in the end they find that it has no effect at all. Because the more you control, the less autonomous the child will be, and he will feel like a puppet. It\’s like teaching a child to ride a bicycle. If you set limits on every movement, every turn, and every time heIf he accelerates, it will be difficult for him to really learn to ride a bicycle because he lacks autonomy. Another problem with this kind of micromanaging is that you\’ll see your child\’s problems increase. Just like a policeman, if he monitors the lives of every ordinary person 24 hours a day, he will definitely see many illegal behaviors or behaviors similar to illegal behaviors, and thus feel that every citizen should be punished. But in fact, in a society governed by the rule of law, we put legal rules first. As long as we act within the rules, there will be no problem. In this way, everyone will live in peace and get along happily. If parents interfere too much, they will definitely see a lot of shortcomings. The more they see, the more shortcomings they have, and the more they see, the more dissatisfied they become. You may feel that this is not right, and that is not okay either. This will further affect the parent-child relationship. The child will think that you are a picky person who is not satisfied with anything and wants to take care of everything. This will make the child feel disgusted. Of course, don’t care too much and don’t care too much doesn’t mean you don’t care at all. Before letting go, you should set some rules. Within the framework of these rules, you can basically let go. As long as the rules are not violated, children can be allowed some freedom in other matters. There is a principle worth remembering in family education: \”Keep the bottom line and expand the space.\” During the education process, parents should discuss several bottom line principles with their children and establish some important bottom lines at each specific age. These bottom lines cannot be shaken. Not to be touched. Giving children freedom in other matters will actually make them grow up healthier and smoother.