The most terrifying thing about a family is not poverty, but this kind of atmosphere

Some time ago, I came across a short video: a little boy’s school organized an outing, but his father refused to let him go. He held the newspaper and cried silently for an hour – no noise or fuss, tears always hanging on his little face. His father later felt sorry for him and finally allowed him to go on an outing. The video, which lasted less than 1 minute, received 140,000 likes, triggering resonance and discussion among many netizens. It is not difficult to imagine that the little boy in the video wants to go on an outing. If this interest can be supported – he will go out happily, have fun and have an unforgettable day. But his father violently stopped him—thus causing the smooth joy to come to an abrupt end and to be replaced by disappointment. Although the father finally agreed to let the little boy go on an outing, it was difficult to recover the blocked happiness intact. Netizen @missが shared a similar experience in the comment area: When she was in elementary school, because her family was poor, she was not allowed to go to every spring outing in school. The last time in sixth grade, the school organized a trip to Hengdian. It was said to be fun and she really wanted to go. She cried for a long time, and her parents finally paid her money when they got in the car and set off. Since she paid just last minute and didn\’t have time to book a meal, and the teacher didn\’t help, she was hungry all day. After returning home, she was even scolded by her parents… Now when her classmates recalled that spring outing, they all said it was wonderful and happy. But she only remembered that she had been hungry all day and was scolded when she came home. She didn\’t feel at all. Less than pleasant. Looking at this netizen’s parents through this text, we cannot say that they did something wrong. Based on the fact that \”the family is poor but still pays for their children to go on spring outings\”, we can even say: they may have done their best to do what they can. But from the perspective of this netizen, she did not feel the joy of having her needs met. On the contrary, she felt depression, grievance, disappointment and pain. Why is this so? Because throughout the entire process, her happiness was constantly interrupted and covered in pain. The school organizes spring outings, and the smooth experience should be: set off happily, enjoy the joy of the journey, and share the happy day with everyone when you come back. But she experienced the unpleasant experience of \”crying for money, being forced to starve, and being scolded when she returned home.\” When smooth happiness is interrupted, it is no longer complete happiness, but broken happiness; when broken happiness is covered with disappointment and grievance, it is no longer happiness, but pain. This is why even though this netizen realized his wish for a spring outing, what he felt was not happiness, but full of pain. In our childhood memories, this kind of scene of \”smooth happiness being violently interrupted\” is not unfamiliar. For example: you were about to go out to play with your friends, and your parents suddenly came out and forced you to do your homework; you got good grades and were about to share the joy of success, but your parents suddenly said \”don\’t be proud\”… …Although they allowed you to go out to play after finishing your homework; or they praised you after educating you; but you found helplessly that once your happiness is interrupted, even if your subsequent wishes are fulfilled, it will be difficult for you to recover immediately to the initial state of happiness. When growing up, if a child’s happy experience is constantly blockedIf it is hindered and covered, it will be difficult for him to gain complete happiness. If things go on like this, children may develop habitual stress reactions: being frightened and unable to settle down in happiness. There are two main manifestations: ① Obviously you are doing a pleasant thing, but you are thinking about various bad consequences. There is a type of people in life who are always habitually worried about things. When something good happens, they can\’t help but think of some bad outcome. For example: when eating delicious food, they will wonder: Are there any additives that are harmful to the body? When they make a breakthrough at work, they think to themselves: What if things go south next time? When friends get together happily, they will think in their hearts: I don’t know when they will meet again next time… Why is this happening? This is probably because in their past growth experience, happiness was incomplete and incoherent—either limited and hindered by others, or broken by various unexpected circumstances. As a result, they form a thinking inertia: happiness is often followed by misfortune. ② You are obviously in a happy atmosphere, but you have to end this happiness suddenly. The most common one is the topic terminator among the crowd. For example, a group of girls are sharing the new clothes they bought during a big sale, and a boy suddenly comes up and uses economic theory to analyze how they are \”slaughtered\” by the merchants; or suddenly and abruptly says: \”The material of these clothes is not durable. It’s pretty but useless.” In the above scene, the boy could obviously choose not to say anything, or simply reply “It’s pretty good-looking” to keep the happy atmosphere going. Why was he so disappointed? This is probably because in his past growth experience, he was often treated like this. Since he has never experienced the joy of being succeeded by happiness, he does not know how to take over other people\’s happiness. As a result, he often feels out of place among the crowd. Coming here, parents may feel some pressure: Do they have to satisfy their children without any bottom line in order to maintain their children\’s \”smooth happiness\”? Sometimes, the actual conditions really do not allow it, so what should we do? Here, we will discuss it in two situations: Situation 1: Parents can do it, the key lies in whether the parents are willing to do it. To give an example: When you get home from get off work, you see your child watching cartoons but their homework is not completed. You suddenly became furious, picked up the remote control and turned off the TV, shouting at the child. Snapped! The child\’s joy of watching cartoons was interrupted, replaced by the fear of being scolded. But in fact, it is your choice whether to immediately and violently block your child\’s happiness. As long as you want, you can wait for your child to finish watching an episode of cartoons, then press the pause button and let him do his homework; or you can calm down your anger first and then communicate with your child calmly. And when we do this, children will feel more understanding and respect, rather than sudden suppression and blockage. In this way, even if he had to pause the cartoon to do his homework, his previous pleasant experience was basically intact. Next, let’s talk about the second situation: the parents really cannot meet the children’s needs. Just like the example of netizen @missが in the previous article.Because her family is poor, her parents really cannot afford to support her on spring outings every year. Even when parents gritted their teeth and gave money in sixth grade, they were extremely embarrassed and reluctant, so they would later complain and scold their children. In situations like this, we do not encourage parents to overextend themselves to meet the various needs of their children. Because parents\’ long-term overdraft will not only consume themselves excessively, but also continue to encourage their children\’s dependence, which is not worth the gain. At this time, the first thing parents need to do is: see their children\’s needs and be honest about their own limitations. For example: \”Mom knows that you really want to go on a spring outing, and I think it will be a happy day; but mom really doesn\’t have enough money to pay for the spring outing, and you are disappointed.\” At the same time, parents can also provide their children with compensation within their ability. plan. For example: take your children to the mountains to see the scenery, or take your children to catch fish in the river and cook grilled fish together. Through these two methods, the child can experience the sense of security of \”disappointment being caught\” and the sense of continuity of \”broken happiness being glued together\”; in this way, even if the child\’s needs are not fully met, he will experience It will not be loss and pain, but another happy experience after breaking and reorganizing. When growing up, a child who has fully experienced \”fluent happiness\” will often be able to greet people and things in life with joy when he grows up. First, he or she will have the courage to pursue happiness. My friend Nini especially likes to travel. Every time she travels, she has a habit: leave as soon as she wants, never looking forward or backward. Once she suddenly had the idea to go to Angkor Wat in Cambodia to admire the moon during the Mid-Autumn Festival. Then she started to inquire about visa information, purchase opportunities online, and make travel strategies… In less than one morning, she had completed her travel plan. After finishing the trip, she sent her travel plan to Moments to recruit like-minded friends; soon after, a young lady with the same intention contacted her, and the two successfully formed the \”Angkor Wat Trip Duo\”… Over the years, With the courage to just leave, Nini went to many places at home and abroad and gained many happy travel experiences. Secondly, when encountering an accident, he or she will make positive assumptions. Once, Nini and I went to Southeast Asia together. I met a local kid on the street who enthusiastically showed us the way and took photos. However, he later charged us a high \”commission\” and refused to let us leave without paying. I was helpless and angry. I was stuck in the annoyance of being deceived and had no time to play. Nini looked relaxed: \”Fortunately, the person we encountered was not a trafficker, otherwise the consequences would have been disastrous. Just spend money to keep yourself safe, and we will just ignore them in the future.\” Based on this optimism, she can always give every paragraph Travel experiences are painted in pleasant colors. Furthermore, even if others do not understand, he or she will not give up the freedom to pursue happiness. In the blink of an eye, I reached 30+, and my peers around me were getting married, having children, and buying houses and cars. Only Nini is still single, without a house or a car. During the holidays, all the aunts and uncles in the family often sing bad words about Nini: \”You are too old to be young, and you are still so playful. If you can\’t get married, you will die alone!\” Nini neither refutes nor compromises. , still happily insisting on his own way of life. Later, during an offline dating experience,At the party, Nini met Xiao Zhu, who also loves traveling. After careful chatting, she discovered that they have similar views and aesthetics, and they have endless topics to talk about together. Gradually, the two developed into boyfriend and girlfriend. At the beginning of this year, Nini and her boyfriend decided to leave the company after careful consideration and start their own business as a travel blogger. The two traveled around the world together while running self-media accounts. Through the account’s updates, I can often see Nini’s happy and hearty smile, paired with backgrounds of different scenery. It is the joy and satisfaction that comes from the heart after a person has fully experienced the beautiful things in the world. She has been pursuing happiness non-stop, and continues to use this happiness to nourish herself and achieve self-perfection – this is the true state of a child with smooth happiness when she grows up. Did you find it at the end? Happiness is both an experience and an ability. While growing up – if you are lucky enough to have the experience of \”smooth happiness\”, you will naturally have the ability to be happy. And if this experience is unfortunately deprived of you, it may become difficult for you to enjoy happiness. But it doesn’t matter, awareness is the beginning of change. Try to be aware of your inner needs and love yourself well – eat well when you are hungry, rest well when you are tired; laugh heartily when you want to laugh, cry heartily when you want to cry. Feel the physical pleasure in the little things that satisfy you; feel the flow of emotions in the experiences of self-release. When we can freely connect with physical pleasure and feel the flow of emotions, happiness will naturally arise. It is so simple and so beautiful.