If there is a \”strong\” boy at home, don\’t fight with him

I have boys at home, and when it comes to their tempers, the most criticized points are definitely that they are \”stubborn\”. I still remember one time, I had a dinner with my publishing friends. His son was four years old at the time, about the same age as Xiao Xiaoyu. That time, Xiao Xiaoyu, who came to Beijing for the first time, was still very well-behaved. My friend said to me: \”Your child has a really good character and seems to be very obedient. But my kid is too stubborn and is not afraid of being beaten. The more you fight, the more stubborn you can be. You can stand there and cry without admitting your mistakes or accepting weakness. You can cry for an hour or two without stopping. \”Haha, he is also a docile person. If he is not on the right track, he will have a very bad temper,\” I said. There are two friends who are mothers next to me who also agree very much. They said that having a boy at home is really like this. When the boys\’ tempers rise, they are more stubborn than cows, and it feels like even ten cows can\’t hold them back. I give in myself, fearing that I won’t be able to control them next time. If they don\’t give in, they will remain stubborn and won\’t listen to you, and such confrontations will often occur. Sometimes you really don’t know what to do? 2 What makes it even more difficult to accept is that their \”stubbornness\” is also diverse. There is this kind of person who \”can keep crying, never admits his mistakes, refuses to accept weakness, and can cry non-stop for an hour or two.\” There is also this kind of person who does not cry when he is angry, but \”stands there all the time, motionless, sulking to himself, and it is useless for anyone to say anything\”. Some people say that when faced with this situation, you must not rush and ignore it. well! Unless mom’s heart is really big enough. In fact, there were more mothers who were so angry that they almost vomited blood. I have been beaten and scolded, but what else can I do? In fact, the best way to deal with a \”stubborn bull\” is by no means beating or scolding. You can try to use softness to overcome toughness, instead of confronting toughness head-on. When your child twists and turns, calm down first. Let them express their demands and ideas, and listen first to hear what the children mean. Show that you understand their thoughts and lay the foundation for subsequent communication. Once parents stand in their children\’s shoes, they understand and empathize. The anger can be eliminated a lot, because sometimes the child\’s behavior is not so unreasonable, but the adult\’s patience is too little. For example, sometimes at the dinner table, my child says I don’t want to eat. But his parents insisted that he finish eating before leaving. Then the child just sits there and fights you. If the noise continues at this time, it will not only affect the mood of eating, but also affect digestion. And in the end, the food gets cold and we often don’t eat it. Then look for the reason, whether he has lost his appetite after eating other things, or whether the food does not suit his taste. If you eat less in one meal, your child will not be hungry. Don\’t yell and force them to eat. There are also times when children want to eat ice cream or some fried foods. Do you want to feed them? It\’s definitely not okay to eat too much, but isn\’t it inappropriate to ban it? Parents should understand their children’s desire to eat. What should I do if my child doesn’t want to talk or communicate? Each can take a step back, and parents can be more proactive. For example, parents can say to their children: \”Let\’s all calm down and discuss it!\” Then calm down to avoid escalation of conflicts and avoid tug-of-war. Then find a time and find a suitable way. Review it again and communicate well. In this way, the children are willing to listen and the parents feel comfortable. The key is for parents to stay calm and not let their emotions take over. How can I untie the child when I\’m already twisted?Emotional knot? 3 \”Mom, I want it, I just want it!\” Faced with the child\’s request, should you satisfy him? Just last weekend, in a toy store, I saw a boy about five or six years old holding a programming robot and not letting go. There were tears still hanging on his face. The mother talked for a long time, but the child just wanted to buy that one. That robot costs nearly 4,000 yuan. Under normal circumstances, you still have to weigh whether to buy it. After all, it is not cheap. But the child must, what should the mother do? The mother pulled the child hard, but she couldn\’t pull it at all. When faced with the stubbornness that children must have, don\’t be anxious to be tough. If he was really taken away like this, he would probably cry and make a fuss again. I\’ve encountered this situation countless times. But when he was still young, I told him that he could discuss it with me, but he couldn\’t control me by crying. In addition, I also found a good way – communicate in advance before going out or buying toys for your children. Agree on the budget and then discuss what kind of toys to buy. In this way, when you actually buy something, you will have standards and direction. We\’ll just go with this, if there\’s nothing suitable. Then discuss it together. You can choose something else as agreed before. It cannot be changed at will. Of course, what should you do if the situation we mentioned before does occur, and you are not prepared and your child likes it so much? You can divert your attention. For example, replacing it with another toy can also give the child a psychological buffer. If it still doesn\’t work, what should I do? You can tell your child that he will buy it for you next time and make an appointment on the time. This method is suitable for children who are willing to trust their parents, so don\’t promise easily. For example, Xiao Xiaoyu likes an oversized dinosaur building block. It is not convenient to place it at home at present. There are too many dinosaurs, and that type of building block costs two to three thousand. The final result we discussed was to give it to him on his 10th birthday. You can choose other small building blocks to play with first. Satisfying children is actually a difficult thing to grasp. Giving children whatever they want is not a good thing at any other stage except when they are babies. It is easy for children to develop a pampered temperament. And parents are too controlling and do not satisfy their children at all, which is inappropriate. It will create a sense of lack in their hearts. So we can discuss it, and then both parties will implement it as agreed. It\’s a good idea. It can not only satisfy children, but also achieve the effect of educational guidance. For example, when Xiao Xiaoyu goes to the mall with us, he will go to the dinosaur toy area and choose a small dinosaur to take home every time. Not too much, not too little, just right. 4. Parents should learn to \”listen\” to their children instead of rushing to be tough. We carefully observed every child who was in such a mood. He lowered his head, suppressed his red face, held back tears, never gave in, and maintained his stubbornness and persistence. At this time, they were like hedgehogs, with all their spikes erected. If you pounce on him forcefully, you will only get stabbed and hurt. But is this the child’s original intention? Is this the result you want? If your boy also has a stubborn temper, please remember to be more patient. Remember to press the pause button in time and don\’t confront him head-on. Then guide them to learn to control their emotions. Learn to discuss things well with others. More importantly, give childrenGenuine respect. In families that truly respect their children, children generally don\’t need to be stubborn. Apart from the occasional tantrum, they prefer to discuss it with their parents. Because respecting children means \”we can\’t just ask children to listen to us, parents must also learn to listen to their children.\” This is the basis of respect and the prerequisite for smooth parent-child communication. For example, when a child is in his room, he tells you, \”Mom , now I want to be alone for a while, I don’t want you in my room. \”What will you do at this time? You can agree to him without hesitation. If the child is in the room, as long as there is no danger, he can play by himself. But for younger children, you can make an agreement with them that you can close the door, but please don\’t lock it. Parents will knock on the door when they come in and get your permission before entering. This is basic respect. As time goes by when you raise children, you will find that the more repressed the child, the more rebellious and unconscious they are. As long as they are out of the sight of their parents, they will vent their anger and cause destruction whenever they have the opportunity. The more respected children are, the more conscious they are. Because they had no time to be stubborn and rebellious, their parents had already agreed with them.