Do you want your children to suffer? I have the answer…

Half a month ago, it was the open day event of the 9th grade (Shanli) campus of their school. Kengkong\’s father took Kengkong to experience it on the spot. The children who received them were children in grade 9. Sleepy Dad came back and told me: The children said that everything is good here, but there is no time to study. Long-distance running twice a week, and camping outdoors every Tuesday and Wednesday 😂 Each child has to bear his own responsibility and challenge survival in the wild. Moreover, there is no concept of weekends in the entire 9th grade. They go home once every 5 weeks. It takes about 3 hours to drive to school one way. There is no signal in the mountainous area. Each child only has 1 hour of Internet time per week. The child communicates with his family. I can only rely on writing letters 😂 (I just want to say, what age are we in these days). After my grandma heard this, she scolded me for being cruel for sending my child to such a school. In fact, I really applied for it because of the special projects that the school arranged for children to be \”savages\” in the mountains. Friends said that this is a real-life and underage version of \”wild survival\”. When I looked at their photos, they looked really alike. Not only that, they could watch the sunrise and sunset with kangaroos every day😼. There are all kinds of equipment everywhere in the school, but don’t mention it. Although this school doesn’t seem to pay too much attention to study in grade 9, its college entrance examination scores are not bad every year, so the requirements for applying students are relatively high. . When Jiong Nian first arrived in Australia, her scores in the AEAS exam were poor due to her hasty preparation, so she entered a relatively ordinary girls\’ school. At the same time, I also learned something about the private schools here. The teaching model here is different from the college entrance examination system in China. Each school has its own special projects. Parents send their children to different schools based on their children\’s personalities and hobbies, even for twins at home. Maybe they are not in the same school because of different personalities. It was also because of my friend\’s recommendation and research on the rankings of schools here that I finally settled on this school. After a period of preparation, I successfully received an offer for grade 8 at the end of last year. So Dixie is about to face the entire 9th grade. There will be various challenges such as climbing, hiking, skiing, camping, mountain biking, etc. that I could not even imagine before. It is said that many people like me came to their school because of the famous 9th grade course. Of course, there are also some parents who are reluctant to let their children suffer and have transferred to other schools because of the 9th grade course. Although my sleepy dad occasionally gave up, I was very determined about this 9th grade course! Sure enough, only a biological mother would be so cruel🥱. By the way, why am I, my biological mother, so cruel? When I came back and chatted with parents, I mentioned the model of their school: It seems that the 9th graders really can’t learn anything in terms of study. I sometimes waver a little, but when I really think about it, learning only includes books. Knowledge on it? If a child can have such an opportunity to exercise in his life, it is an experience that is difficult to have elsewhere. Isn\’t that a kind of growth? I especially understand the love that parents and grandparents have for their children now. How can we not hold them in our hands when there are only one or two children in the family? But what the future environment will be like, none of us knowWe know that we can’t accompany them to the finish line, so what we can do is to cultivate children’s independent and strong qualities when we can, so that they will have enough ability to deal with all challenges in life in the future. This may be the reason why I finally chose this school! 01 \”I endure hardship just so that my children will not endure hardship.\” On this point, my philosophy is different from that of the trapped dad. For example, the last time our school organized a camping trip, we had clearly agreed to let our children pack their bags on their own, but as a result, our father couldn\’t control himself at all and helped arrange the things in an orderly manner without even seeing him. I was really angry and helpless. This person who acted like a father actually acted like an old mother who \”kicks her teeth before leaving\”. Every time I blame him for being too doting on his children, he has a lot of reasons waiting for me. For example, his native family is too strict, and he wants to give all the love and affection to his children; another example is the saying that everyone often says, \”We work so hard, just so that our children don\’t have to work hard.\” Indeed, the original intention of our hard work is to let the elderly, children and ourselves live a better life, but this does not mean that children can sit back and enjoy the fruits of their parents\’ labor. Our hard work is never meant to replace what they should pay for themselves. We are just fulfilling the obligations of a parent. We have the responsibility to let his wings mature, but we also have the responsibility to help them fly independently. As the saying goes, the children of the poor become rich early. Think about our generation born in the rural areas after the 1980s. Although they did not suffer from hunger and cold, they also experienced ten years of hard study in a cold window. When I was in junior high school, my family conditions were relatively good in the village. Every market day, my sleepy grandma would buy some meat for us to eat. But most of the students who live in the school go to school on Sunday night carrying rice, sweet potatoes and a jar of pickles. The week\’s meals are all set: steamed rice + pickles. Because you know the suffering in hard days, you will be more motivated to pursue the future. So at that time, everyone\’s goal was very clear, to get into college and leave that poor place. Today\’s children, if you ask them what their goals are and what they want to do in the future, it is difficult for them to be concrete. Their lives are already full of food and clothing. Their parents can satisfy them with whatever they want. As for their hope for the future, that\’s all! They don\’t know that today\’s happy life is actually obtained by their parents through their own hard work. We have paid too much for them, but it has covered up the difficulty of life itself. As Zhang Ailing said: In this bizarre world, no one can live a smooth life. Suffering is really the normal state of life. How many people collapsed in the middle of the night and clenched their teeth after dawn; how many people had tried their best just to stay alive. There is no reason for us not to let our children experience the most real life. 02 \”There is some hardship, but there is really no need to eat it.\” Maybe many people, like Sleepy Dad, will oppose my point of view and feel that there is no need for us to deliberately create a bitter environment for our children and let them suffer unnecessary hardships. Of course, I also agree that there are some bitter things that we don’t have to eat and we don’t have to give them to our children. For example, our elderly people eat leftovers every day. Even if there is only a little bit left on the plate, they will still chooseChoose to put it in the refrigerator, take it out to eat the next day, and then continue to leave the dishes for the next day to eat on the third day… We already have the conditions to eat healthier, there is no need to settle for a few leftovers. Sacrifice your own health and reduce your quality of life. After all, this is a peaceful era and there is no big famine. But the older generation has its own way of life, and it’s really hard for us to change. There was a hot search topic before, saying that a family went out to eat grilled fish, and in order to let the younger generation eat more, the parents went out to buy steamed buns to dip into vegetable soup… It was touching, but not recommended. In particular, I firmly disagree with the kind of \”pleasure is sinful\” and \”self-sacrifice\” hardship. When life gets better, there are naturally ways to live a good life. Our hard work is for the purpose of improving our living standards. When I say let children endure hardship, I don’t mean to let them go back to our time, where they couldn’t eat well, couldn’t wear nice clothes, and even had to bear the psychological burden of “it’s all for you.” Every era has its own sufferings. For example, the current era suffers from the fierce competition for study and employment, the cruelty of the survival of the fittest in the social environment, and the ever-changing ecology that makes people lack a sense of security. What we need to do is to allow children to participate in life themselves, to feel the diversity of life and the various conditions of the world, and to cultivate their hard-working and self-improvement, instead of staying in the greenhouse created by their parents and \”turning a deaf ear to what is happening outside the window.\” . Last year, I took Nangui to Daliang Mountain and saw that although the children there were in trouble, they still remained innocent, kind and positive. In the process of eating and living with the children of Daliangshan, Jiannan actually saw the hardships of life and saw a different kind of life that she could not imagine before. But this hardship did not destroy the children there. Instead, it made them full of longing and yearning for their future life. They knew that through their own efforts, they would be able to live better and better lives. That kind of tenacity to yearn for a better life is hard to find among city children. At that time, I saw with my own eyes that some children wanted to get into a better class because their scores in the high school entrance examination were a little low, so they asked the teacher for help (the parents wished they would stop studying). This kind of \”rely on your own efforts and take the initiative to find solutions\” was something I was very familiar with. \”It\’s hard to see such a child like Jiongjian. Because parents are always one step ahead than they think. Everyone\’s destiny is different. If you are born into a wealthy family, you will naturally enjoy better conditions; if you are born into a poor family, you have no choice. When it comes to fate, no one has a choice. But there are ups and downs on the long road of life, and the ups and downs of life will not stop you from coming to you just because your family is rich. Parents cannot accompany their children for a lifetime. We can be their strong backing, but the road is ultimately their own. of. 03 \”Children have to eat all these kinds of hardships.\” Only by enduring hardships can one become a better person. Although we no longer need to force children to suffer \”fake hardship\” in today\’s life, there are several kinds of \”suffering\” that can make the child\’s future path smoother. ﹒ Think independently and endure the \”hardship\” of using your brain. I have been emphasizing to her dad that she should let her do her own things. I hope that during the process, she can calm down and think seriously, and solve her own problems when she encounters them.Find ways to solve problems by yourself, don\’t rely on adults for everything. Today\’s children lack the ability to think independently because our parents are overly responsible and overzealous, depriving children of their enthusiasm for solving problems on their own. This kind of over-involvement is really not what children need for their growth. What society needs is people who have their own ideas and opinions and can solve problems. Only a person who can truly think independently has an interesting soul of his own. Some people say that a person who knows how to think independently is the most difficult to conquer. I want to say that a child who can think independently is the least likely to be misled by the chaos outside. In the future, when we enter the society, we as parents can feel more at ease. If we look at the problem from a more \”utilitarian\” perspective, the college entrance examination questions every year are becoming more and more close to hot topics. In fact, they are testing children\’s views on certain things. Even in exams, we hope to screen out children who have no ideas. This is not enough for us to pay attention to. Letting go is the first step in cultivating children to think. Next, when the child needs help, it is enough to provide correct guidance and assistance. Being a \”lazy\” parent does not mean that you don\’t love your children, but that you choose a more correct way to love your children. ﹒ Keep learning and endure the \”hardship\” of perseverance. In today\’s such an involutionary environment, children\’s learning pressure is really quite high. When we were young, we suffered more from the \”suffering\” caused by material conditions in our studies. Now our children have to suffer more from the suffering caused by fierce competition in their studies. This suffering is actually no less painful than it was back then. A few days ago, Qiqi’s mother was still telling me that Qiqi’s workload after school would reach two to three hours every day, and this did not include routine homework such as reading and exercise. She said that it was really pitiful to see her children every day. After finishing one thing, they had to start the next one. They looked so non-stop. But she also said helplessly that the general environment is like this, and if you can\’t escape, you can only follow the trend. I don’t support pushing children too hard, but I also agree with a saying: learning is already the easiest way to success. Just like me, if I had not persisted in studying, I might not have come to Shanghai, and there would be no story behind it. And if we understand the word \”learning\” from a broad perspective, there are too many things to learn in this life, and we even need to learn at every moment and from every angle. The same goes for children. Once they have the ability to learn and know how to persevere, they can do well in anything they do in the future. ﹒ Know how to adjust and endure the hardships of restraint. A successful person must be a person who knows how to restrain himself and be self-disciplined and introspective. Nowadays, there are endless news about children committing extreme behaviors. Parents are worried when they watch, and they even hesitate to discipline their children, for fear that their children will have a mental breakdown. Children, like us adults, must know how to regulate their emotions and restrain their behaviors. Of course, the prerequisite for cultivating children\’s ability is that their parents are also emotionally stable parents. I know that a stable and emotionally stable father or mother is indeed \”another price\”. No matter how difficult it is, we still have to learn to do it. When we are angry, try to take a deep breath, do something you like, or go out to get some fresh air. It doesn’t matter if we let our children see our emotions. If we can let our children learn some of myThe way we regulate and control our emotions is better. We adults have all experienced the test of society, and naturally we all know that it is not easy. No matter what, parents hope that their children can be treated gently by life, but the prerequisite for being treated kindly by life is that our children can afford it, feel that they are worthy of having it, and have the ability to let themselves have it. We do not praise suffering or become obsessed with suffering. We want children to learn to avoid suffering and solve suffering. This is the most correct guidance for children.