A private message from a mother late at night made my heart completely choke.

Late at night, I received a private message of nearly a thousand words from a sister, which made me feel sad for her. The private message is very long, I will go through the causes and consequences. She said that one day after school, her baby came out of school crying. After asking, it turned out that the child and the new teacher \”shouted\” at each other. The teacher thought he was slow to pack his schoolbag and criticized him a few times. The baby couldn\’t bear it anymore and blurted out: I don\’t like you very much anymore! The teacher responded quickly enough and replied: Do you think I like you? ! The sister said that in fact, her son is not the kind of impulsive character. On the contrary, he is usually more tolerant. This outbreak was because the conflict with the teacher had been buried for a long time. When the teacher first came, the children complained that the teacher always yelled at us. Later, one time, the child and two other classmates were making trouble in the classroom, and the teacher caught him. The teacher only punished the child and one of his classmates, which he felt was unfair. After the \”mutual yelling incident\” occurred, the head teacher talked to the parents and said that the teacher had no ill intentions and just wanted the children to move faster and better, and hoped that the children would apologize to the teacher. The child refused to apologize. She didn\’t force the child, she had a good chat with the child, and the value output was textbook-like – she thought the matter was over. As a result, something happened later that made her feel very sorry for her child. The day before the end of the term, my son suddenly said that he no longer wanted to participate in the \”Good Boy\” selection. After questioning, he learned that the reason was that he felt that he had contradicted a teacher in school before and was not worthy of the title of \”good boy\”. The adults all thought that the incident had ended long ago, but the child actually never came out. I have been chewing it over and over again, savoring it, and blaming myself. She asked me if I should take my son to the teacher, talk about it openly, and help the child resolve his knot. But I was not sure what consequences this would bring to the child and did not dare to take risks, so I enlightened the child first. 2 After reading the chat between you and your child, I had the feeling that I got the paper and started reading the questions, only to find that the question stem had finished all the answers I wanted to write. As for the matter itself, I think you have already discussed it well. I have nothing more to say, and there is no room for further improvement. I want to talk about it from another angle. Let’s answer that question first. I don’t think it makes much sense to go back to the teacher and bring up old issues now. Because it can be seen that the child is a highly sensitive child. He thinks over and over again in his mind when encountering things. He thinks too much and cannot let go. It is easy to get stuck in emotions and be unable to get out. Today you help your child untie this knot, but tomorrow he will encounter something else, and the day after tomorrow another knot will be twisted in his heart. The solution is endless. Instead of attacking the situation where it catches fire, let’s talk fundamentally about how to make a highly sensitive child “desensitized” and live a more relaxed life. 3 I often tell people that there are no good or bad personalities, only differences. Just like introversion and extroversion are innate temperaments of people, sensitivity and insensitivity are also part of the innate attributes. This attribute is not absolute; a person can be sensitive and insensitive at the same time, sensitive sometimes and insensitive at other times, sensitive to some things and insensitive to others. But some people are born with an obvious bias toward the sensitive end, that is, \”highly sensitive children.\” I don’t like to put labels on children, but highly sensitive babies are indeed born with the labels of “difficult to handle”, “cryy”, “many things”,\”Glass heart\”, \”emotional\”, \”shocked\”…don\’t ask me how I know it so clearly. \”Highly sensitive people\” is a concept proposed by psychologist Elaine Allen. She summarized the characteristics of several highly sensitive children. The sisters first came to check their children\’s seats and know themselves and each other. 🍪 1) The response threshold is low. In other words, there are a lot of things going wrong. Highly sensitive babies are very sensitive to sound, light, heat, cold, and pain. Some small external stimuli will make them very uncomfortable. So we often hear them complain that their socks are uncomfortable, the food is too salty and sour, and it’s too hot or cold. I\’m talking about pie. She doesn\’t like the sour smell. If there is a small dish of vinegar on the table, which is about half a meter away from her, she will cover her nose and wave her hands in disgust. The smell is too strong. Take it away quickly! She didn\’t like onions, so if she found a small piece of green onion leaves stuck to the vermicelli, she would hide behind her and abandon it. 🍪 2) Able to quickly capture details that are not easily noticed by others. Highly sensitive children are very sensitive to subtle changes in things, changes in people\’s tone of voice and expressions, and are very good at \”observing words and expressions\”. This bit of cake is also a hit. Sometimes I am tired, sulky with my teammates, or irritable when my work is not going well, and she can notice it right away. 🍪 3) Emotions are rich and delicate, and highly reactive. Highly sensitive children often cry and have emotional breakdowns because of trivial matters. But like two sides of the same coin, they also have strong empathy and empathy. Another hit. Last time, Pancake didn\’t want a good friend to come over to play. When people asked why it couldn\’t be done, she didn\’t say anything. Later, I chatted with her and found out that there had just been a party at school during the day, and she was a little tired and wanted to be alone. I said you can just say it directly. Everyone has the right to \”want to be quiet\”, which is understandable! She said, Mom, I not only think about myself, I also think about what others will think. I\’m afraid that if I tell her directly, my good friend will think too much and think that I don\’t like letting her come to my house to play, which will make her very sad. A 40-pound body contains 30 pounds of thoughts. 🍪 4) Easily think too much. In the eyes of many people, highly sensitive children often appear hesitant, timid, and shy. In fact, it is because they think more, deeper and further than other children when processing information. Just like the conflict between the child and the teacher at the beginning, if it happened to other children, they might forget it after a sleep. But he won\’t. It\’s been more than a month since the incident happened and it\’s still bothering him. He\’s been thinking about it, thinking about it, and blaming himself, saying, \”I don\’t deserve it.\” Looking at it this way, it seems that the highly sensitive baby Xiong has a lot of troubles, is prone to collapse, and has a glassy heart. why? A highly sensitive baby is equivalent to being born with a super powerful CPU, which has a strong ability to collect and process information, which means that it consumes a lot of energy and requires a high-energy battery to match it. The problem is that God did not provide a high-energy battery for highly sensitive babies at the factory, so they often run out of energy and have problems of one kind or another. So the key to solving the problem is to give them an energy \”foreign aid\”. 4Although there is a cliché saying, it still has to be said that parents’ acceptance and appreciation are the power bank for highly sensitive children. If we are full of sensitive qualities of our babyWithout disgust, it is impossible for a child to like to recognize himself. Acceptance is not about \”resigning to fate\” or \”breaking the pot\”, but from the perspective of positive psychology, discovering the other side of the characteristics of highly sensitive children. The other side of timidity is vigilance, which means being more alert to potential dangers and allowing parents to worry less about safety. The other side of thinking too much is that you are thoughtful and not prone to doing impulsive and reckless things. The other side of being emotionally sensitive is that you are emotionally delicate and have empathy for people, making it easy to gain deeper friendships. The other side of the troublesome Xiong is persistence, just like the child’s emphasis and insistence on “fairness” at the beginning. … All qualities are like tapes, with AB appearing in pairs. (Revealing your age) If you stare at side A, blame and complain, they will hate their own character and have low self-esteem. When you see the B-side and appreciate it, they appreciate their character and their core stability. It is not the tape shell that determines \”who I am\”, but what is recorded on the tape. If it is forcibly changed, the tape will no longer be the original. We can\’t choose what\’s on the tape, but we can choose which side of the tape we listen to. 5 Highly sensitive people struggle with their emotions throughout their lives. The child is dissatisfied because the teacher is too strict and yells at others. He thinks the teacher is unfair and feels aggrieved. This is the growth of emotions. The emotions have been accumulated in my heart for a long time and cannot be cleared. I get angry with the teacher. Anger is a concentrated explosion of emotions. Afterward, I felt remorseful and unwilling to participate in the selection of good boys. This was the stamina of my emotions. The feeling of powerlessness trapped in these emotions is difficult for children to digest. \”Teacher doesn\’t mean that, you are thinking too much!\” \”Are you tired of thinking about all that? Go to sleep!\” \”Don\’t make things more difficult for yourself, they are not targeting you at all!\” These are not helpful to them. It is better to tell them that negative emotions are normal, innocent, and even important and have positive uses. What is the use of anger? Anger can attract others\’ attention; anger can express one\’s dissatisfaction; anger can defend fairness. What is the use of self-blame? Self-blame is a manifestation of self-awareness and self-examination. Only when a person begins to be self-aware can he have the opportunity to reflect on his shortcomings and make continuous improvements possible. From this perspective, self-blame can motivate you to become better. Let sensitive children see the \”use\” of negative emotions, and they will slowly accept their own sensitive emotions. Only when people \”understand\” themselves and do not deny their emotions can they be able to get out of their emotions. Understanding yourself and accepting yourself is to create a \”high-energy battery\” for yourself. The sister who asked for help at the beginning of 6 said at the end of the private message that when the sun rises the next day, things don\’t seem that difficult and the children don\’t seem to care that much, but parents are still worried because they always want to make their children\’s lives easier! I can understand this feeling very well, but at the same time we have to accept the fact that people cannot be relaxed all the time. Easy things are responsible for making the child happy, and difficult things are responsible for making him grow. Everything exists for a purpose. What determines \”I am me\” is not my skin, but \”my characteristics\” and \”my experiences\”. \”My traits\” include highly sensitive traits, and \”my experiences\” also includethose unpleasant things. If you selectively retain only the qualities and experiences that your parents think are good, then \”I\” will no longer be \”me\”. What do you think?