When a child lies flat, it’s not because he’s lazy, but because his “energy” is too low! Try these two \”empowerment secrets\” of mine, they work great

My daughter is 13 years old and is in the first grade of junior high school. During elementary school, she studied well and her grades were always among the top ten in the class. After entering junior high school, I still maintained my past study habits and life rhythm. Although I am not as proactive as other top students, I still don’t care too much. The teacher told me that my daughter actually has great potential. If she works harder and takes the initiative to study, there is still a lot of room for improvement in her grades. As a parent, who doesn’t hope that their children can stand out in the fierce competition, especially knowing that their children have such potential? I told my daughter this and arranged some tutoring materials and additional study for her. My daughter didn’t object. After finishing her homework every day, she would do more exercises according to my arrangements. As the pace of study accelerated and the amount of homework increased, my daughter began to complain to me that she couldn\’t finish her homework every day, couldn\’t even get enough sleep, and was too tired. I was very dissatisfied and criticized her: she was too slow to study and was inefficient. Of course, with this kind of learning attitude, she could never finish her writing! Don\’t complain every day, look for your own problems more and see if you are really working hard! My daughter is not convinced: Aren’t my English scores better this time than before? The mother and daughter had a big quarrel and broke up unhappy. After that, I urged her every day as usual, asking her to hurry up and stop making excuses for herself. But my daughter reacts violently and often loses her temper with me whenever I speak. Later, she began to refuse to do extra questions, and even began to do half-hearted homework and refused to write well. During the final exam, my daughter\’s grades dropped significantly, and the teacher said she was not in class. I was very angry and scolded her severely. I originally thought that my daughter’s failure in the exam and my reprimand would help her learn a lesson and correct her study attitude. But unexpectedly, my daughter completely lay flat. She began to use various reasons not to go to school, and she was late and asked for leave more and more often. I tried every means, urging, pleading, even beating and scolding, but nothing worked. The daughter acted like a dead pig who was not afraid of boiling water, and hid in the room and refused to come out. During those days, my hair was visibly whiter. I see my originally excellent daughter now staying up late looking at her mobile phone and reading novels, completely ignoring her studies and future. I\’m really heartbroken and helpless. If we continue to degenerate like this, my daughter may drop out of school! I felt so powerless in my heart: Why did the originally good child suddenly become like this? I persuaded her again and asked her to devote herself to studying. Is there any way to stop her from being a mess and go to school as soon as possible? To this end, I went everywhere to listen to classes, study, find methods, and find strategies. In the process, I gradually understood that for children, the truths that parents usually emphasize, such as the importance of academics, the future A good job, a good life, etc. are actually all illusory. What allows them to mobilize their enthusiasm and initiative is to experience the happiness brought by success. This kind of happiness is a natural emotional response and an important source of awakening inner motivation. When children achieve results through hard work, the joy and sense of value that arise spontaneously in their hearts can inspire them to continue working hard and pursue more successes. However, I unintentionally deprived my children of this wonderful experience. When my daughter\’s studies were normal, in order to tap her potential, I kept adding more and moreShe was overwhelmed. When her grades were unsatisfactory and her condition declined, I would criticize and accuse her in various ways. I believe that only by pointing out the child\’s shortcomings at any time can she realize her own problems, correct them in time, and make continuous progress. But this approach brought negative implications to the daughter – making her feel that she could never do well no matter what she did, and that she could never satisfy her mother. As time passed, she began to doubt her abilities, lose confidence, and become full of internal friction. If I think about it carefully, when I was a child, I grew up under criticism and pressure from my parents. But I have always felt that it was my parents’ strict discipline that inspired me to keep making progress and achieve the life I have today. Under this educational philosophy, I also continued the educational method of criticizing and attacking children, and I liked to beat them all the time. But today is different from the past. The learning pressure, competitive environment, and children\’s psychological foundation are all different from those back then. In the end, the adolescent daughter couldn\’t bear the pressure and became tired of studying. Now that things have happened, what can we do to help my daughter regain her motivation to study? We can mainly start from two aspects: on the one hand, parents should help their children establish a positive \”self-awareness\” and regain their confidence in learning; on the other hand, they should also improve their children\’s education and interaction methods, and \”empower\” their children more. ” to fill the child’s inner energy. 1. Help children establish a positive and positive \”self-awareness\” and regain their confidence in learning. In psychology, there is a saying called \”self-awareness.\” That is to say, deep inside each of us, there is a \”mirror\” that reflects our evaluation of ourselves. For example, what kind of person am I? Am I good enough? A child with a positive self-awareness is full of sunshine and confidence. They believe in themselves. Even if they encounter difficulties, they believe that they can overcome them and will try bravely. A child with a negative self-perception is filled with low self-esteem and gloom. They have lost confidence in themselves and just want to escape, unwilling to face reality. So, how do children form such \”self-perception\”? This mainly depends on the opinions and evaluations of the people around them, especially their parents. Parents\’ words and deeds describe and reinforce children\’s self-perception every day, shaping their views of themselves. If parents are used to criticizing and suppressing their children, then the children will develop a negative self-concept, become increasingly shrinking, and feel inferior. On the contrary, if parents consciously encourage their children, they can gradually establish a positive self-concept and be unafraid of difficulties and challenges. In the past, whenever I saw my daughter being inefficient and unconscious, I couldn\’t help but lecture her: You knew how to study hard when you were a child, but why are you no longer self-disciplined now that you\’ve grown up? With such a learning attitude, if you ask yourself, can your grades be improved? Although I was anxious, I was unintentionally labeling my daughter—unconscious, undisciplined, poor in grades, and with a bad attitude… Children are sensitive in their hearts. If there are too many such judgments, my daughter will gradually Internalizing my evaluation and thinking that maybe I was just that bad. Realizing this, I began to adopt new coping methods, give my child more positive comments, and help her build a positive self-awareness. I am very solemnI expressed my love and care to my daughter: You are our unique daughter, because you are our daughter, so we love you very much! We don’t love you only if you study well and perform well, but we will love you no matter what you look like! This is using our love and acceptance to build a \”security\” for our children and let them understand that they are worthy of being loved! Moreover, I will continue to express my love and affirmation to her in my daily life. When I saw my daughter walking out of the room, I asked her in a relaxed tone: \”Do you want to eat durian? Mommy can buy one?\” Then I shared a whole sweet durian with my daughter, without taking the opportunity to nag her, but just enjoying it together. When I found my daughter put down her mobile phone and flipped through a book, I also recognized it from the bottom of my heart: \”Oh my god, girl, you are awesome. Mom has become a little addicted to mobile phones recently. She has forgotten how long it has been since she read a book. You can adjust your state.\” , It’s really not easy.” In this kind of interaction, the children’s feelings are completely different. She will feel that she is trusted, and in the eyes of her mother, she is a child with merits. In this way, I gradually helped my daughter establish a positive self-concept, inspiring her to find her inner motivation and become more confident in the challenges ahead. In addition, I no longer seize every opportunity to put pressure on her, and my daughter has become more willing to contact me. The mother-daughter relationship has also been repaired through positive interactions day after day. 2. Recognize the child more, \”empower\” the child more, be the child\’s \”facilitator\”, and fill the child\’s psychological energy. After my daughter \”lay down\”, I was anxious and angry because I didn\’t like her. If you want your children to regain their passion for life and motivation for learning, you need to recognize and encourage them more, and fill up their oil tanks with love. At first, I really couldn\’t do it. Looking at my daughter in such a bad state, I can resist not talking about her or scolding her. I have already challenged myself very much. How can I encourage her? But as I continued to study in depth, mastered a series of educational methods, and received good feedback, such as helping my daughter build a positive self-awareness, etc., my mentality and thinking changed. I finally understood that it is not just the outstanding children who have good grades that deserve the recognition of their parents. As long as the child has any improvement or bright spots in life, I should see it with my heart. For example, my daughter always hid in her room and was unwilling to come out. Later, after the parent-child relationship was restored, she became willing to contact me. Then I should give timely feedback to my daughter and let her know that I saw her efforts. That day, I was in a hurry to go out and did not do any hygiene. When I got home, I found that my daughter had mopped the floor at home. At that moment, I was really touched. Although mopping the floor was a small thing, it showed that my daughter had a job in her eyes. She wanted to help me with some housework and reduce my burden. I gave my daughter a tight hug: Girl, you are so considerate. Otherwise, my mother would have to mop the floor when she comes back. It’s so nice to have a little cotton-padded jacket, so happy! My daughter smiled sheepishly. Although she said, \”Mom, I can\’t breathe,\” she let me hold her in my arms. Looking at my daughter\’s meek look, my eyes became wet. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I recognized my daughter’s strengths like I do now., encourage and love her. In the past, my emotions were always tied up in her grades and performance, and all I saw in my eyes were her shortcomings. In the days that followed, I continued to see what my daughter did well, and used my recognition and affirmation of her to help her discover her own value and inspire her motivation and confidence. When she sees that she has so many recognized things and has so many beautiful qualities, she can tear off the bad labels of the past and awaken her inner energy. Soon, my efforts paid off. My daughter began to put down her mobile phone, pick up her textbooks, and spend more and more time studying. In this way, the external environment changed, and the daughter experienced being loved and cared for. Her inner strength was replenished and she regained her inner strength. She got out of the predicament of lying down and returned to her normal study life. With the willingness and initiative to learn, my daughter\’s grades began to improve steadily. I personally forced my daughter to lie down because she was tired of studying, and then personally led her out of the predicament. I deeply realized that being a parent is a lifelong practice. It is not enough to have a good heart for children. We should also have scientific education methods, follow the characteristics of human development, and do things that can have a positive impact on children! When a child has a full heart and can always receive recognition and encouragement from his parents, he can gradually move out of the state of mourning with a sense of security and value and head towards a life full of challenges and hope. Click \”Like\” and may our children get better and better, and our family and life become happier!