Kindergarten children get married in groups, and parents support it. The value of the sensitive period of marriage is not so superficial.

A kindergarten in Changchun held a grand collective wedding for the children. The kindergarten was decorated like a wedding scene, with a red banner reading \”We are happy in our garden, let\’s have a big banquet\” hanging at the door, paper-cuts with the word \”囍\”, red ceremony tables and red carpets. Boys wearing white shirts and bow ties hold bouquets of flowers and knock on the door to \”pick up a bride\”, while girls wearing skirts and veils \”block the door\” to ask for red envelopes. Boys and girls took wedding photos under the words \”囍1314\” and finally had a banquet together. Why hold a wedding for children? The principal’s answer was: In order to help children get through the sensitive period of marriage and guide them to establish correct values ​​in mate selection, social interaction, etc. This activity triggered heated discussions among netizens. Some thought it was fun, just like playing house. Some people think this is nonsense, leading children to mature prematurely. Some netizens were confused and had never heard of a sensitive period in marriage. I put myself in my shoes and thought about it. If my son’s kindergarten was going to have this kind of mass wedding, I would definitely vote against it. Because using a group wedding to help children understand marriage is too formal and is nothing more than adults’ self-pleasure. Children will indeed go through a \”marriage sensitive period\” and they will be curious about how to get married, but as parents and early childhood education practitioners, we should see the deep-seated growth needs behind it. 01 Children do have a sensitive period in marriage. My son was \”privately married\” when he was in middle school. The marriage partner was his deskmate, a little girl named Youyou. During that time, every day when my son came back, he would tell me what games he and Youyou played today. He also said that he and Youyou had already discussed that he would get married when he grew up, and even discussed where he would live after getting married (that’s a lot of thought). thoughtful). Having only heard her name but not seen her in person, I was very curious about what my future daughter-in-law would look like. Finally one day, I saw her in the yard. She was quiet and cute, and her smile was particularly sweet. My son and Youyou called each other\’s names, ran around holding hands and spinning around in circles, they were so bored. Not only did my son have his own \”marriage partner\”, he also began to question my marriage. When my child\’s father and I were quarreling, he asked me doubtfully: Mom, since you don\’t like your father (the child will think that quarreling with him means you don\’t like him), why do you still want to marry him? These are two typical signs of the arrival of a sensitive period in marriage: 1. Children begin to say \”I want to marry xxx\” and are interested in friends of the opposite sex. 2. Children ask questions related to marriage by observing their parents’ interactions. Generally speaking, children will enter a sensitive period for marriage around the age of five or six. Children of this age have developed gender awareness and have strong social needs. However, when children talk about marriage, they tend to prefer heterosexual friendship in the form of friendship. I like to play with a certain girl/boy and I want to play with him/her all the time. How can I stay together? Get married! Because mom and dad are always together in this way. In the book \”Capturing Children\’s Sensitive Periods\”, the author said: Every child has to go through the sensitive period of friends of the opposite sex, as if childhood is preparing for future adults. In my opinion, the so-called sensitive period of marriage is actually when children are exploring \”how to get along with each other\”\”Getting along with friends of the opposite sex\” rather than the ritual process of marriage. Even if children are indeed interested in activities such as wearing wedding dresses and grabbing red envelopes (in the eyes of children, these are fun games), we cannot stay superficially in formal satisfaction. . We should provide in-depth guidance from the perspective of friendship to help children establish a correct outlook on choosing friends. 02 Coping with the sensitive period of marriage from the perspective of friendship 1. What are my criteria for selecting friends? We often hear children say: I don’t like to be with friends. So-and-so plays, he is not my good friend. Some parents will persuade their children to have a good relationship with their classmates. Everyone is a good friend. This kind of persuasion is definitely wrong. How can one person be a good friend with everyone? ? Children need to know clearly what their criteria are for choosing friends, such as having similar interests, being gentle, not being overbearing, not bullying, etc. We can chat with the child and ask him to list the types of classmates he likes to be friends with. , this is a process of improving self-awareness. Take my son as an example. He doesn’t have many friends, only three or four, but every friend he really likes has the same love for insects and animals as him. Soul-level friends, there are also friends with the same introversion as him. What kind of friends do you like? Which type of classmates do you want to choose as a friend? This is based on self-awareness and clear self-awareness. When children grow up, they will not be in love, let alone be pua. 2. What kind of friends are true friends? Children in kindergarten have already developed the method of relationship aggression to \”gain friendship\”. They will say: If you don’t give me this thing, I will never play with you again. You are my good friend, and you should listen to me. You can only play with me and not with others, otherwise you will not be my friend. We must have heard these expressions from our children, and this type of expression is also common in the marriage stage. It can be said that the standards of true friends and good spouses are similar to a certain extent. Children have to think about it. What is a true friend? Friends should be based on equality and respect. A healthy and healthy friendship will make both people feel comfortable and happy, and they will do the right things together and get better together. If you tell your friend that you don\’t like to do something, but he/she still threatens you to do it by withdrawing your friendship, then you don\’t want to be a friend like that. 3. How to deal with conflicts between friends. My son went to his friend\’s house to play. We were building a magnetic piece together. It was peaceful at first, but when there was only one triangular magnetic piece left, they started to fight over each other, and they immediately fell out. My son cried and said: When you were playing at my house, I had all the toys. You are allowed to play as you please, why don’t you let me play as you please at your house? It’s not fair! I will never play with you again. I will never be friends with him/her again. It’s up to the children to deal with it. A common trick used in social conflicts is to say so, but you may not really want to do it in your heart. The child will fall into an awkward situation where he wants to continue playing with the other person but does not know how to get down. How to deal with conflicts, even among good friends, is a compulsory subject for children.Children need to learn to think: why does this conflict occur and what are the needs of both parties? Guide children to think from others\’ perspective and find the root cause of the conflict. What should I do if I really give up on this friendship? What should I do if I don’t want to give up this friendship, but don’t want a similar conflict to happen again? These ideas for dealing with conflict are equally applicable to marriage. 4. How to deal with negative emotions in the process of making friends. One winter, it snowed heavily. My son and a good friend made an appointment to play in the snow together downstairs. We went down a little late, and the friend was already playing with another child. Woke up. The son tried to blend in, but failed, and stood aside in embarrassment. Seeing that his good friend ignored him, his son felt sad and angry, and burst into tears. I understood my son\’s feelings very well and held him until he finished crying. After crying, the son said: Mom, can you buy me a snowball toy? Next time it snows, I can play with them. After feeling sad and angry, the son came up with a solution to the problem. Being with friends not only brings happiness and beautiful positive emotions, but also negative emotions such as anger, sadness, jealousy, etc. This is for sure. Negative emotions remind children: They feel very bad now, and they must do something to calm themselves down now. Knowing how to deal with negative emotions is more conducive to dealing with social relationships. Child education expert Sun Ruixue said this: For children, the sensitive period for friends of the opposite sex is purely psychological and spiritual. It enables children to become progressive, helpful, self-loving, self-conscious, allows children to experience happiness and pain, and allows children to \”step up\” their psychological awareness and social awareness. This is the real value of the sensitive period of marriage.