If your child loses his temper and cries when he is not satisfied, you can easily solve it by doing this

What should I do if my child loses his temper and cries when he is not satisfied? For example, take the following two cases. Case 1: My son is 1 year old. He cries loudly when he is not satisfied with something, some of which are obviously unreasonable. At this time, is it okay to put him aside and let him cry? Case 2: My daughter is three and a half years old. Recently, I don\’t know how to describe her personality over the past few months. She would lose her temper, stamp her feet, throw things, and sometimes slam the table and hit people. Otherwise, she would get angry and go to bed by herself. Anyway, you can\’t say that she is wrong. You have to follow her, put her as the center, and coax her. What should I do? Whether it is losing temper or crying, it is a common way for children to express and vent. Parents do not need to overreact or worry about this. What we have to do is, first of all, to keep ourselves calm and peaceful, and accept the children\’s emotions. When you are calm, the children will be able to calm down more easily. The second thing is to communicate appropriately. If you are not satisfied, you must persist, but you must also teach your children how to be reasonable. Express your emotions and needs freely. \”Cold treatment\” is a basic coping principle that many parents know. It should be noted that for children of different ages, the degree and method of \”cold treatment\” should be different. You cannot simply \”cold them to the end\”, otherwise it will easily harm the child\’s health. sense of security. Basic steps to deal with children\’s tantrums and crying (parents must know) After birth, babies know how to use crying to express various needs, such as urinating, being hungry, sleepy, sick, etc. This is a kind of survival. instinct. As the baby\’s mind develops, in addition to crying, the baby will gradually learn to express himself using language, non-verbal expressions, body movements, etc. But for younger children, because their language expression skills are not yet perfect, they will still instinctively cry to express their needs and desires that they want to satisfy. This is natural. In addition, crying is also one of the basic ways for humans to vent their emotions. Expressions of emotions such as anger, pain, sadness, sadness, etc. are usually accompanied by crying. This is true for most adults, and children are no exception. If the needs are not met, children will also have negative emotions such as anger, anger, sadness, etc., and because they do not know how to vent more reasonably, they will often cry to vent based on instinct. Understanding this, parents will have more empathy for their children\’s crying, instead of scolding or irritating their children whenever they cry, hoping that the children will shut up immediately. Therefore, when your child loses his temper or even cries, what you have to do is very simple, that is, calmly accept all the child\’s behaviors. The more noisy the child is, the calmer you will be. At the same time: 1. Stop the child\’s bad behavior. For example, when smashing things or hitting people, you need to control the child\’s little hands and tell him that this is wrong, as this will hurt the mother. But don\’t label your child, such as \”Why are you so unreasonable? Why are you so ignorant! So rude!\”; 2. Tell your child that you understand him. For example, \”Are you angry now? Mom understands you because you didn\’t get the toy you wanted; but mom loves you no matter what.\” Remember, at this time, don\’t rush to explain your reasons. The child\’s emotions are not Calm down, the more you explain, the more you will stimulate the child and make him more excited; 3. Guide the childUse more reasonable ways to vent your emotions. For example, \”If you are still very angry, you can try to hit the pillow, tear up the newspaper, or find a place where no one is around and shout \”I am very angry\” a few times, so that you will feel much better. Mom also often uses it when she is angry. This method. \”At the same time, it is best to hand these materials for venting to the children, and even do some demonstrations. In short, the basic principle of venting is \”no harm to the body and no harm to the property\” (including both oneself and others. \”Body\” and \”Finance\”) 4. After the child\’s emotions calm down, tell him why he cannot meet his request. For example, \”Because there are already three similar toys at home, I can\’t buy them for you this time. But daddy still loves you.\” You must tell the child the specific reasons carefully and patiently, and you must not respond or deal with it, otherwise the child will still understand. Be dissatisfied and even leave a knot in your heart. 5. Teach children to use language to express their needs and feelings. For example, \”Mom, I like this toy very much. If you don\’t buy it for me, I\’m really angry!\” Telling the child to lose his temper and cry will not have any effect or effect, but to speak well, negotiate reasonably, and express one\’s own ideas and Reasons can get more responses and help. In short, you can try to meet the needs that can be met, and you must adhere to principles for those that cannot be met. For example, you must never agree to unreasonable or even dangerous requests. Some parents can\’t stand their children\’s crying and just satisfy them at will, which is equivalent to rewarding their children\’s behavior in disguise. Over time, children will use crying as a means to blackmail and control adults. It should be noted that for those children with strong emotions and particularly stubborn personalities, the first four of the above five steps may usually need to be repeated several times or even more times. Sufficient time is needed for the child to gradually calm down. This time is like a tough tug-of-war, which tests the parents\’ patience and confidence in their children. They must not give up halfway. Please believe that every child can take care of himself and every child has potential self-control, but some children need more time. This ability requires parents to use \”the deepest love, the warmest acceptance, and the gentlest persistence\” to gradually awaken it. Slowly, children will understand their parents\’ bottom line, learn to abide by the rules, and give up this way of throwing tantrums and crying. When children of different ages lose their temper and cry, they should be treated differently before the age of 2: comfort, divert attention, and use non-verbal language to help the child understand. For example, the 1-year-old child in Case 1 at the beginning of this article is unreasonable and even unreasonable to leave him alone and let him cry. \”Inhumane\” behavior. Because such a young child cannot understand logic and rules, leaving him alone and letting him cry is a test for both parents and children. Parents will be in a dilemma because they feel sorry for their children, and their emotions will inevitably become anxious. The children\’s sense of security will also be frustrated, which will only make the situation worse in the end. Therefore, for children under 2 years old, do not be superstitious about the \”cry immunity method\”: don\’t hug them when they cry, and only hug them if they don\’t cry. In this case, the best thing to do is to hold the child in your arms, pat and stroke her back, and at the same time gently say to her: \”The baby is angry, right? Mom knows, and mom loves you.\” \”Keep repeating these actionsand language. By soothing the child in this way and using other things to distract his attention, the child can usually calm down relatively quickly. The younger the child, the more unstable his mood and the easier it is for his attention to shift. For example, when my daughter Lanlan is crying, I use two methods to divert her attention: one is to hold her and look at the photo wall in the living room and ask her to identify which one is her father and which one is her mother; Say \”Let\’s go read a book! Let\’s go see David and see Tom! (the name of the protagonist in the picture book)\”. These two methods have been tried and tested because I cultivated her interest in these two things when she was very young. It should be noted that children at this stage have limited language understanding. Children may not be able to understand simply making sense or speaking incorrectly, but they can understand some adults\’ expressions and understand some tones. Therefore, if your child has some bad behavior besides crying and you want to stop it, it is recommended to use some tone and expression to let the child understand what you mean. For example, the simplest way is to look her in the eyes seriously and calmly, and tell her in a low and slow tone: \”Baby, you are wrong, you can\’t do this! Mom is angry!\” and then remain silent for a while. Usually the baby will calm down appropriately at this time and look at you. You should continue to maintain a serious look and remain silent. After a few consecutive times, the baby will usually know that this behavior is not allowed. 2-6 years old: Persist gently, appropriately delay gratification, and adapt to gratification. From the \”first rebellious period\” around 2 years old to the \”second rebellious period\” around 5 years old, children aged 2-6 years old have impulsive behaviors, such as Tempers and defiance are common. Interestingly, anger just proves that children\’s intelligence is developing. They are not \”spoiled\” or \”bad character\”. They just haven\’t realized that not all their wishes can be realized immediately. Therefore, when your child is acting unreasonably, you can hug him, pat him gently, talk to him in a friendly and calm tone, soothe his mood, and show your child that you accept his anger and understand his \”suffering\”. No matter what, you love him. You can keep repeating these actions and words, but you can never give up and agree to his request. This is the power of \”gentle persistence\”. Let\’s look at the feedback of a mother. Well! She said: Last night the child cried very late and insisted on eating chocolate. I held him crying and told him that my mother loved him, but she would not give him chocolate so late because it would cause cavities. He kept crying, and I I kept holding him, kissing and touching him. My husband wanted to yell at him at that time, and I asked him to avoid it. I told my son to cry if it feels better. Mom will stay with you, but he can only eat chocolate tomorrow. It has been a long time. I stopped crying and suddenly said, \”Mom, I love you.\” I felt as if I was relieved. Of course, you can also occasionally use delayed gratification or workarounds to guide your child to learn certain needs that can be appropriately met. Control your emotions and desires. For example, if your child is clamoring for snacks, but the snack time has not yet arrived, you can comfort her and tell her, \”It\’s not time for snacks yet, it will be in another hour.\”To eat! ” or “We’ve already eaten today, and we can’t eat again until tomorrow!” \”This is delayed gratification. If your child is clamoring to buy an expensive toy, you can suggest to her, \”Wow, those toys look more fun! What a special design! Honey, can you choose one yourself? \”(Those ones are cheaper). Children before the age of 6 usually don\’t care much about the price of things. They are full of curiosity about all new things. Therefore, using the child\’s curiosity to give her other alternatives is flexibility and satisfaction. . When dealing with children\’s unreasonable troubles, cold represents \”principle\” and hot represents \”comfort\”. The period from 2 to 6 years old is a critical period for the shaping and formation of many psychological qualities of children. We must pay attention to \”hot and cold\”. Balance, there is heat in the cold, cold in the hot, and you cannot simply cool down to the end, which will harm the child\’s sense of security. Therefore, the treatment of the 3 and a half year old girl mentioned in Case 2 at the beginning should follow this principle more. After the age of 6, children after the age of 6 should have a certain degree of self-control. Therefore, if a child at this stage is unreasonable, in addition to gentle persistence, it is recommended that you use a more direct method of cold treatment. For example, when a child is being aggressive towards you. When friendly comfort and advice and help are indifferent, it is best to leave him alone with his anger. You can leave the room immediately and isolate him. In addition, treat children who are irritable and stubborn in nature. The frequency can also be relatively higher to help children better experience and develop self-control. Of course, in addition to the basic steps and methods mentioned above, you can also start to cooperate with some corresponding picture books when the child is about 2 years old. Repeated explanations with stories help children gradually recognize and understand emotions, learn to express emotions, and learn to vent and control their emotions reasonably.