Stop trying to reason with your children! Do these three things well, and raising a baby will save you 1,000 times the effort.

Recently, I was chatting with a good friend about the growth and changes of my children. A mother said: Today\’s children are really amazing. They have learned to reason with adults and find reasons for their actions at a young age. If you say something to your child, he will respond to you ten times. In life, we often encounter such a scene: at the dinner table, a child is picky about food and does not want to eat. The parent says to the child: \”You should cherish food. Eating more vegetables is good for your health, so that you can grow taller.\” The child does not sleep at night, Parents half threaten and half admonish: \”I told you not to sleep at noon. If you don\’t sleep, you won\’t be able to get up in the morning.\” When children go to the supermarket and want to buy toys, parents cajole and lie: \”There are already so many toys at home. If you buy them again, just put them in your home.\” I can’t buy any more…” Can the truth that parents blurt out really have the expected effect? In fact, this is not the case. Not only do children fail to listen to seemingly impeccable truths, but the more truths are told, the more rebellious the children become. Educator Rousseau mentioned in \”Emile\” that the three most useless education methods in the world are: reasoning, losing temper, and deliberately moving. For children, the best way to communicate is to empathize rather than reason. Psychologist Piaget once said that children can only see the world from their own perspective. Therefore, parents who know how to educate will always practice their own actions and provide feasible methods or suggestions to their children; they will guide their children\’s actions instead of just reasoning. So, stop trying to reason with your children, do these three things and it will save 1,000 times the effort to raise your children. Let the children understand the truth, rather than understand the truth and reason with the children. This is the habitual thinking mode of many parents when educating their children. What\’s the point? It is nothing more than imposing your own feelings or understanding of things on your children. Educator Dewey once said that education is not a matter of \”telling\” and \”being told\”, but an active and constructive process. Children will not accept everything imposed by their parents. No matter how good the truth is, if it is instilled into children over and over again by parents, it will become a kind of verbal \”violence\”. In the eyes of children, most of the time they believe that \”seeing is believing\” and whatever they see is what they see. If parents forcefully try to change their children\’s minds by reasoning, it will only aggravate their children\’s path to rebellion. Therefore, no matter how many great principles you say, it is better to let your children experience it for themselves, so that they can understand the truth through personal experience. For example, many parents will encounter when their children don’t want to study or don’t study well. What will you do? Let’s first take a look at the approach of a Thai mother who was once popular in the circle of friends. Her strategy is to let her children understand that life is not easy and cherish the opportunity to go to school through an experience of picking up garbage. The mother calmly told her child: You can choose not to go to school, but you must go to work, and you cannot do nothing alone. So the mother took the little boy to the street and asked him to collect plastic products and cans in exchange for living expenses with his parents at market prices. At the end of the day, the little boy realized how hard work was. Later, his mother asked the child if he wanted to go to school or work, and the child said he wanted to go to school. Throughout the whole process, this Thai mother didn’t say a word of truth, but she made her child understand the truth from the bottom of her heart.. Because education is never a process of reasoning, but a process of letting children experience it. The \”empathy\” education method can make children self-aware of the truth. This is actually very consistent with the essence of Montessori education, which is to return feelings to children and allow them to realize self-knowledge through self-practice. Acceptance and empathy are worth a thousand sermons. Psychologist Rogers once said that the premise of \”empathy\” is \”unconditional positive regard.\” No matter what the purpose or reason is for a child to be naughty, cry or lose his temper; as a parent, you should unconditionally accept your child\’s emotions as soon as possible. But some parents will say that whenever their child is crying or sad, I sympathize with the child\’s emotions and comfort him: \”Baby, I understand how you feel. It\’s okay, don\’t cry.\” Such \” Empathy\” has no effect at all! \”Empathy\” sounds easy, but it is not easy to do. True empathy is to consider the problem from the child\’s perspective. It means that you have to enter the child\’s inner world and be aware of the child\’s emotions with your heart. Be aware of the triggers of the child\’s emotions and what the subtext is that the child wants to say, that is, the child\’s needs or wishes. If you want to empathize with your child\’s feelings, parents can do this: listen to what the child is thinking, give attention, affirmative eyes, nod from time to time, squat down to show equality with the child, and listen carefully to every word of the child. talk. Think about it, when your child has an emotional outburst, don’t rush to put out the fire. Emotions accompany everyone, and children need to learn how to deal with their emotions as they grow. Have a chat, let the children vent their emotions through dialogue, and guide the children how to channel their emotions correctly and healthily, and adjust their emotions. Dr. Montessori reminds us that every adult must be a \”good observer.\” There are reasons why children say and do this that adults tend to ignore. When you truly calm down and accept your children unconditionally, your children will be more willing to listen to their parents\’ education. With the power of role models, education can come naturally. Parents want their children to understand the truth. They must first set an example for their children, and the children will follow and imitate it unconsciously. After listening to so many truths, it is still useless to educate children. The reason is that there are things that parents themselves have not done yet, but they still explain the truth to their children in the same way. For example, when they see that their children are not studying, some parents will say: \”My child, you should read more and study hard,\” while they themselves are watching short videos and playing games. If parents cannot do what they tell their children, and even become negative teaching materials, how can they convince their children? We often say that parents are a mirror to their children. Whatever kind of person you want your children to become, you must first become that person. Children\’s understanding of the world and the establishment of their three views are directly derived from imitating their parents. The absorptive mind theory tells us that the best education is the words and deeds of parents. Parents can educate the best children by being the best version of themselves. There was once such a little story, which is worth pondering for every parent. On the beach by the sea, a female crab pairsThe little crab said: \”My child, why do you always crawl sideways? Why don\’t you walk straight?\” The little crab replied aggrievedly: \”Mom, I walked just like you!\” The child was the one who stepped on the steps. We are the ones who walk in our footsteps. What you expose your child to is what kind of person he will become. Raising children is a difficult and long process of self-cultivation. Parents with truly high emotional intelligence never speak the truth over and over again when educating their children. Instead, learn to accept the child as he is, empathize with the child, and through the guidance of role models, let the child experience the truth and then understand the truth.