What is the difference between children raised by \”loving\” and \”unloving\” parents? There will be three obvious differences in 20 years

I accidentally came across a post on the Internet that said \”the content of happiness exceeds the standard\”. The title of the post was: My parents really don\’t treat me as an outsider. The post was written by a child, and the ones \”showing affection\” were his parents. From the picture, we can see that the father carried the mother on his shoulders as if no one else was watching, and even made a \”yeah\” gesture. My mother, who was familiar with the situation and not surprised at all, calmly and calmly played with her mobile phone on her husband\’s shoulder. To be honest, it is somewhat unbelievable that this kind of thing happens to a middle-aged couple. After all, in real life, many couples who have experienced the ravages of time and the baptism of daily necessities have become \”roommates.\” It\’s rare to see someone so pretentious and crooked. Even the child included this paragraph in the accompanying text of the post: Mom and Dad stick together every day to show their affection, and I will really say \”thank you\”. Having said that, as viewers, we can also feel a full sense of happiness and pride from the children\’s words and the sweetness of the pictures. Even many netizens criticized the child\’s parents after seeing it. I think of a topic I saw on the Internet before: What is the difference between the children raised by \”loving\” and \”unloving\” parents? There is a highly praised answer below, which says: I have not been outstanding in appearance, figure, or study since I was a child. I have no advantages except being able to eat. But every time I mention my parents, I feel full. I felt a sense of power and happiness, and instantly felt that I was the center of the universe, because the environment of mutual love they presented to me gave me a \”sense of superiority\” from the bottom of my heart. This sense of superiority made me feel no matter what I faced. No matter what setbacks, we are full of expectations for the future. Although we cannot empathize with what kind of \”baptism of love\” this seemingly average child has experienced from his parents, this paragraph alone can make our envy overflow the screen. So let’s talk together today about the specific differences between children raised by “loving” and “unloving” parents. 01 The first difference: Loving parents raise children who feel more secure. For children, establishing a sense of security in their inner world is the most important thing in their growth. But what exactly is security? Simply put, it is a relatively stable and safe spiritual need for dealing with the external environment and looking at oneself. The source of a child\’s sense of security lies, on the one hand, in the intimate connection between parents when they express and give love; on the other hand, it is established by the child\’s feelings about the external environment. For example, in daily life, if parents create an image for their children of a \”loving couple who does not hesitate to express themselves and is warm and affectionate\”, then the children will feel at ease and happy in this harmonious, stable and loving family atmosphere. grow up. On the other hand, if parents frequently quarrel, blame each other, or even fight, then the child\’s growth may be full of fear and suffocation at all times. For example, I have a friend who stayed in a big city to work after graduating from college. What\’s strange is that he rarely goes home all year round. Sometimes even during holidays, he would rather stay in a rented house.Even if I eat instant noodles, I won’t go back to my hometown and reunite with my parents. Later, I had a casual chat with him and found out that his parents often quarreled and fought, and even alerted the police station and street office staff many times. It is precisely because of this kind of growing environment that he not only resists going home, but what is even more helpless is that although he is now far away from his parents, his fear and cowardice of the external environment can never be eliminated. So a lot of the time, he lives alone, afraid of social interactions, afraid to talk to his girlfriend, and even afraid to express himself in public. In fact, when I heard my friend say this, even though his tone was calm, it still made me feel a kind of coldness and suffocation that penetrated my bones. I am reminded of what American marriage psychologist John Gottman said: When parents have a good relationship and interact happily, their beautiful marriage scene can bring a sense of security to their children, who can learn and grow better instead of paying attention all the time. , Afraid whether parents will quarrel or have conflicts. Therefore, loving parents can not only enhance the relationship between husband and wife through interaction with each other, but more importantly, children who grow up in this atmosphere will also have a sense of security and be more self-consistent and calm in situations. 02 The second difference: Loving parents raise children who are more confident and sunny. Some people say that the greatest luck for a child is to be born into a family where parents show affection. I deeply agree. Because parents show affection, they give their children a stable and loving growth environment. These will help children develop a sound personality and establish a more positive outlook on life. For example, I saw a girl online before and shared her story. She said that her parents were very good at \”spreading dog food and showing affection\”. From childhood to adulthood, no matter how big things happened, they seemed to be able to resolve them through tolerance and love for each other. Later, even if her courtship was frustrated and her job was not going well, as long as she talked to her parents, she would be instantly resurrected and full of confidence in the future. She said that her parents were like a lighthouse. Although she had no bright spots in all aspects, she was still full of enthusiasm and hope for life. Yes, a child\’s personality is like a barometer of the relationship between parents. If the relationship between parents is good, the child will be confident and sunny; if the relationship between parents is poor, the child will be sensitive and fragile. Regarding this point, American psychologists have also conducted corresponding experiments. The researchers selected two groups of children as experimental subjects. These children came from families with \”loving parents\” and \”discordant parents\” respectively. The results showed that children who grew up in an environment of loving parents were many times higher in self-confidence and ability to withstand frustration than children who grew up in an environment of \”discordant parents\”. Therefore, children raised under loving parents may have a winning personality at the starting line from birth. 03 The third difference: Loving parents raise happier children. In real life, we often find such an interesting phenomenon: if the relationship between parents is harmonious and loving, then their offspring will be better off in marriage or life, etc. On the other hand, they will be very happy. Many people call this phenomenon: intergenerational happiness. So, does this statement exist?Is there any scientific basis for this? Before revealing the answer, let\’s first look at an experimental study. A psychologist from Baylor University in the United States conducted an experimental study on parental affection and found that the degree of parental affection can affect and change the acquired gene of children – oxytocin. What effect does oxytocin have on a person? In layman\’s terms, oxytocin is a neurohormone that regulates behavior in intimate relationships. At the same time, it can also affect a person\’s social ability, intimacy ability, etc., so oxytocin is also called the \”love hormone.\” To give a simple example, when some people express love to their partners, they do it easily without any awkwardness or embarrassment. But some people feel awkward and awkward whenever the topic of \”love\” is mentioned. Essentially, this is not a personality difference, but a difference in \”oxytocin.\” Judging from the research results, those children who grow up in a loving environment of their parents will have more oxytocin in their bodies, and their emotions and personalities will also be more intense and hot. In other words, children who often see their parents showing affection will acquire better \”love ability\”, and this ability will help them better manage emotional and social relationships. In this way, whether it is marriage or trivial matters in life, they can be solved with ease, and they can better obtain the happiness they want. More importantly, this kind of happiness will be passed down from generation to generation and become a family\’s most precious wealth. In fact, when it comes to showing affection in front of their children, many couples always feel that it is degrading and shy to express it, and they are even more afraid of having a negative impact on their children. But in fact, reasonable expression of love not only does not have a negative impact on children, but also plays a very significant role in shaping children in an all-round way. These benefits may not be visible at the moment, but when the children grow up in 20 years, they will have a very positive impact on their social life, work, marriage and parenting. Therefore, if you want your children to have a sound personality and a healthy body and mind, you must start from the step of loving the husband and wife. You must know that loving parents are the confidence for children to run away for life, and are also the source of happiness. Finally, I hope that every parent can be good at expressing love, so that their children can grow up slowly and reap happiness in a family surrounded by love.