The embarrassing situation of a middle-class mother in Haidian: I spent tens of millions to buy a house in a school district, but my son can’t afford it and may not be able to go to high school.

There has always been a popular legend in the world: the south looks to the school, the imperial capital looks to the mother, especially the old mother in Haidian. They can analyze education policies at one level, and personally tutor children with their homework at the bottom… They can do almost anything. Many people may not understand why most parents in Haidian are so \”chicken-blooded\”? Because although this is an educational highland, there is a huge gap in the distribution of resources. The good ones are very good, and the food is very good. Because of this, there are very few parents around me who are not anxious or concerned about their children’s performance. Occasionally, there are a few people who are free, and it is because they have changed the track and have confidence and capital. But before, in the documentary \”Amazing Mom\”, there was a Haidian mother who was quite unique. Her name is Li Qi and she has two children. The eldest and Xiao Shuai are in fifth grade at the National People’s Congress Elementary School and are about to face the critical moment of being promoted from primary school to junior high school. But the current situation is that there are 40 children in the class, Xiaoshuai is hovering within the bottom 10, and sometimes his math score is not even close to the average. According to this trend, it is impossible for Xiaoshuai to challenge Liu Xiaoqiang. Li Qi himself said that it might be difficult for his son to even go to high school. At this time, most parents either try to make their children catch up, or they choose to look at other schools, or take the international route. But she took her time and waited for the meal to be assigned, leaving her fate to the computer. Her experience and educational outlook answer a question that has puzzled everyone for a long time: Under the involution, where should our anxiety about having nowhere to place our children be used? If the topic of \”parents are top academics and children are poor academics\” comes up, Li Qi and her husband will definitely have a lot to talk about. Li Qi himself came to Beijing after taking the college entrance examination, and later went to the United States to study for an MBA at his own expense. He returned to China on the same plane as Kai-fu Li and became one of the founding employees of Google China. As for the child\’s father, he was also educated all the way since he was a child. Now he is also a researcher at the State-owned Enterprise Design Institute, at the same level as a university professor. As the saying goes: \”A dragon begets a dragon, and a phoenix begets a phoenix.\” However, the law of mean regression of genetics makes two top students give birth to a scumbag. Xiaoshuai is below average in the class, and in the fiercely competitive Haidian, this is obviously not good enough. Even in extracurricular math classes, I was assigned to the bottom 50% of classes because of my grades, and there were still three steps ahead. His classmates have already taught themselves junior high school and even high school mathematics. This contrast, coupled with the reality of the high school entrance examination split, makes it difficult for parents not to be anxious. The same goes for Li Qi. When her son was a child, she was also very enthusiastic and enrolled him in many extracurricular classes that improved his grades. But even after enrolling in the class, the child\’s grades did not improve. Not only could he not reach the top 5%, he could not even maintain 50%. If you want to get into a good primary school, you will definitely not be able to pass the exam. Another way is to take early training. However, any selection cannot escape the \”pinching\”, especially early training. There are hundreds of thousands of children in Beijing, but only 1,000 can be selected. From these 1,000, another 120 children will be selected to be affiliated with the National People\’s University. Puwa has no chance at all. After some struggle, Li Qi decided to wait until the big pot of rice is allocated and let God decide. Because she has realized: No matter how hard parents try, seeds are the last word. What\’s more, no matter how outstanding a person is, they may be as dust in the general social environment. For example, at Google, there is also a line of contempt among top academics.Lian: The top academics do not take the college entrance examination. They all join the national training team and compete on behalf of China. Then there are those who participate in independent enrollment and rank among the top in the province in subject competitions. Like Li Qi, she can be considered an outstanding woman, but she didn\’t get any extra points in the college entrance examination, and she wasn\’t even the top scorer in her class. She is still at the end of the contempt chain. Li Qi once consulted his colleagues at Google with questions from the Zaozao training. As a result, one colleague had a PhD in computer science from Tsinghua University and failed to make it; the other also graduated from Tsinghua University and was a member of the Mathematical Olympiad training team but also failed to make it. In her words, basically even gods can\’t solve this question, we are just mortals. The first lesson of being a parent is to recognize the fact that there are people outside the world, there are people outside the world, and only a handful of people can reach the top of the pyramid. That\’s not because parents don\’t pay enough, but because most children are ordinary after all. Children are born with their own path. I like this sentence of Li Qi very much: \”Every child is born with his own path, it\’s just that we haven\’t found the right direction yet.\” Yes, Xiaoshuai is not in the traditional sense. He is a top academic, even a little unprofessional. He likes to make money, program, edit, and save computers. His ideal is to become a UP owner. These hobbies seem a bit unrealistic. Li Qi also feels: \”You can do something at any age. The one with the highest input-output ratio now is studying.\” But she did not stop her children from pursuing their own interests. In Li Qi\’s view: These hobbies Although he has delayed his studies, his son can determine one thing without being disturbed by the outside world. At least he has a strong opinion and concentration. She and her husband also discovered that their son not only gained happiness from these \”useless\” hobbies, but also gained many valuable abilities and qualities. For example, Xiaoshuai likes programming and has already obtained the first-level programmer certificate from the Chinese Academy of Sciences. If we continue to work hard, it will not be a problem for our children to support themselves in the future. For example, Xiaoshuai is keen on making money. During one of his outings, he resold his snacks to his classmates, starving himself on the road, and earned 600 yuan. In my father\’s opinion, during this process, the child learned to delay gratification and patience. Xiaoshuai started a publishing house and became the CEO himself, which shows that he has strong leadership skills. Such a child with independent thinking, flexible mind, and skills is at least more likely to succeed than ordinary children. Many times, children\’s problems are like two sides of the same coin. If parents can adapt to their children\’s characteristics and handle them properly, even shortcomings can become advantages. For example, Li Qi knew that her son could not catch up by forcing or urging him, so she chose to encourage and guide him. As Montessori said: \”Every life has its own spiritual embryo in the early stages of its formation.\” The purpose of education is not to make children the same, but to let them bloom with their unique brilliance. Find the anchor of your life. The parent-child relationship always comes first. In fact, what touched me the most in this episode was Xiaoshuai’s evaluation of his mother at the end of the film. The interviewer asked Xiaoshuai: \”What kind of person do you think your mother is?\” The child replied: \”Smart, intelligent, and able to solve various problems.\” Generally, when children reach their teenage years, their self-awareness begins to sprout. , began to challenge parentsauthority. They rarely directly express their recognition and appreciation for their mother like Xiaoshuai does. There is no doubt about Li Qi\’s excellence, but she is able to do this more because she and Xiaoshuai have established a close and harmonious parent-child relationship. As psychologist Alison Gopnik said: \”Who you are and how you relate to your children are much more important than what you do to your children.\” In many cases, the essence of education is to maintain good The relationship between you and your child. Because only when the relationship is good will your children be willing to listen to what you have to say. But building a good relationship is always easier said than done. How did Li Qi do it? From the documentary, I summarized two key pieces of information. Respect: Don’t deny. Respecting children sounds like a very broad topic, but Li Qi provided an angle: don’t rush to deny children. Once, Xiaoshuai and Li Qi discussed a math problem. In fact, as soon as Li Qi heard the solution given by the child, he knew that what his son said was wrong. But she did not refute immediately, but waited silently for the child to finish speaking, and then guided him to solve the problem correctly step by step. Li Qi has a requirement for himself: no matter what, he must avoid denying his children. Yes, denying mistakes and giving correct answers seems to be the fastest way to educate. But after the child was denied, all he felt was frustration. At this time, no matter how correct the approach provided by the parents is, they cannot accept the message. What’s even more frightening is that the more times a child is denied, he or she will become irritable and angry; or he or she will become inferior and have low self-esteem, thinking that he or she is just not good enough, and will never recover. But no matter which outcome, the children will close their hearts and become farther and farther away from us. Emotional stability Many times, we force our children to do things that they don’t like but are beneficial. Li Qi is no exception. She asked her youngest son Xiaoliang to learn to play the piano. The purpose is to let him know: nothing is simple, but as long as you find a way and spend time, you can get better. Of course the idea is good, but everyone should know how useless a mother is to practice piano with her baby. The most amazing thing about Li Qi is that no matter how naughty the child is, she can still be gentle and firm, without yelling or yelling. Once, the younger son deliberately played the wrong note and refused to admit it. Li Qi asked him calmly: \”Are you sure not? You can play it very well. If you don\’t want to say it, just play it well.\” With her determination, Xiaoshuai quickly corrected his mistakes and practiced smoothly. Go down. I remember Hong Lan, a doctor of psychology, once said in a speech: \”Mother is the soul of the family. If the mother is happy, the whole family is happy; if the mother is anxious, the whole family is anxious.\” Only an emotionally stable mother can make her children feel love and warmth and grow up happily. This may be one of the reasons why the two children have a close relationship with Li Qi and get along harmoniously. As a Haidian mother, Li Qi is different from what we have in mind. She does not require academic performance and grades, but pays more attention to children\’s hobbies, personality and comprehensive abilities. In fact, there are never certain rules for good education. The so-called \”teaching students in accordance with their aptitude\” means that not every child has to follow the same path. As long as you can adapt to the child\’s nature and explore the child\’s strengths, the child will shine. If a child has love in his heart and can be independentIf you want to make progress and be able to support yourself in the future, your parents’ education is enough for success. What do you think?