13 cases of emotional management for children, parents should not miss it

Guoguo is 2 years and 8 months old and has just entered kindergarten. She likes the kindergarten very much, and the teacher is also very good. But recently the teacher responded: \”Guoguo is good at everything, but she can\’t say a word. As soon as she said a word, she burst into tears immediately before being criticized!\” With such a strong self-esteem, what should we do in the future? Children over 2 years old are like this: they don’t want others to say bad things about them or hear bad things, so the most direct reaction is to express their uncomfortable feelings. In fact, anyone will feel uncomfortable when being criticized, but adults have more ways to express themselves and it is easier to recover. Children over 2 years old have very few ways of expression. Crying is usually the most direct way of expression. The important thing is to first accept the child\’s emotions: \”Of course it will be sad to be criticized.\” Then tell the child: \”When the teacher said this about you, she was talking about one thing, not about you as a person.\” Do this to your children often Speak and she will understand. In addition, mothers should also pay attention when talking to their children. They should not say: \”You are so stupid, lazy, and terrible.\” The words should be focused on things, not people. Only in this way can you truly tell your child: \”I\’m not talking about you as a person, but as a matter, and this matter needs to be changed.\” 02 Your daughter will cry whenever she encounters any setbacks. For example, when playing a song with a child, she will feel extremely frustrated if she cannot keep up with the rhythm. How can I help her? Use this as an opportunity to teach her: What should she do when she encounters frustration? I don\’t agree with endlessly comforting the child and telling her \”it\’s okay.\” Because sometimes comfort will alleviate a child\’s frustration, and when the frustration does not come from moral right or wrong, the child should learn to face and accept the dissatisfaction in life, such as others not liking him, or he not doing as well as he should. Good to others. After simple comfort, just tell the child what to do after failure, because she always has to learn how to face setbacks. For example, when a child does better than her, let her observe what is good about this child? How did she do it? Parents should never expect their children to avoid competition, nor should they teach their children not to compete with others. The most important thing is that we and our children must face competition with the correct attitude. Of course, if parents model good ways to deal with frustration and competition, then this will be the best teaching for their children. 03 Yoyo will inevitably be criticized by me for being naughty. In the past, when I criticized him, he would angrily throw things to vent his discomfort, but the result of throwing things was more criticism from me, so now he bites the back of his hand hard to vent his emotions. This way of my child venting his emotions makes me feel very distressed and distressed. But it is impossible for a child to grow up without criticism. How should I help Youyou deal with the sadness after being criticized? If the child\’s performance has reached this level, it means that the mother\’s criticism is excessive. The mother may think that there is nothing wrong with her, or she may defend herself by saying, \”I am teaching him\” or \”My criticism is reasonable.\” But we should find answers and review from the child\’s reaction. It is already a deviant behavior for a child to hurt himself, and this behaviorIt shows that the child\’s internal emotions are too full and beyond the bearable range; nine times out of ten, this is not because the child is too fragile, but because the mother\’s attitude is too much, but she is not aware of it. Therefore, what mothers have to do now is not to find ways to help their children learn to tolerate emotions, but to reflect on whether there is too much power in their voice and tone when criticizing their children. Too much voice energy and too strong a tone can cause children to overreact. Try changing the way you talk to your children and see if it makes you feel better! If gentle and polite teaching does not work for the child, we can also try other methods. For example, if the child refuses to pack things, we will not allow him to go out to play until he completes his assigned tasks. Just because gentle preaching is ineffective does not mean that we can only use fierce criticism. Even when a child makes a big mistake and we need to say sharp words in a serious and serious manner, we must use our body to connect with the child, such as approaching him, holding his hand or shoulder, and telling him: \”What you did just now, mom thinks it\’s so wrong.\” In this way, it is easier for the child to listen to the teaching, because this method makes the child feel that he is only being criticized rather than rejected. \”My mother\’s criticism does not mean that my mother doesn\’t love me or don\’t want me.\” Fear will be reduced accordingly. Alternatively, we can do the opposite. For example, when we want our children to develop the habit of tidying up things, we should praise them when they tidy things up: \”It\’s great that you tidied things up yourself.\” or \”Packed things neatly and put them back in their place.\” , I\’m very happy. \”Our purpose is only to teach, not to vent our emotions, so if positive encouragement is more effective than criticism, why don\’t we use this method? 04 One day I went out to work and was in a hurry, so I didn’t pay much attention to my daughter’s mood. Later, I heard from the elderly at home that my daughter had been crying at home for a long time and kept shouting \”Looking for mommy.\” When I got home from get off work, she was fine. I was still not reassured. Before going to bed, I asked her: \”Didn\’t you cry today? Did you feel wronged when mommy didn\’t hug you when she left?\” I wanted to know if this was going too far. ? Am I paying too much attention to my child’s emotions? What mom did is okay. As for whether it is necessary, it depends on the needs of the mother and the child. For example, during this process, at least the mother has felt uneasy in her heart and wants to talk to her daughter, so she can talk. In this regard, we need to learn from children, who communicate most naturally. In the face of emotions, when the child feels that he can digest it or learn something from it, then let it pass naturally without having to talk about it. When he feels that he can\’t handle it, he will naturally express it. So, as a mother, does everything related to the child’s emotions need to be handled better later? Mom needs to follow her own feelings. If the child does not take the initiative, but we always feel that there is something in our hearts and we are not at ease, then we should take the initiative to find the child. We, like children, are free. As for paying too much attention to children\’s emotions? No one can tell us the answer. We can only follow the entire growth process of the child and continue to explore during the interaction with the child. OnlyWhen we are with our children, we can be as gentle as possible and try not to use overly intense emotions and words, and there won\’t be any big problems. Once there is a problem, it is actually the child who gives you the signal. Sometimes the child will say: \”Mom, stop talking!\” Or when we are \”too nice\” to the child and do \”too much\” because of fear or anxiety, the child will feel it is very hard and tell us with expressions, such as frowning. , impatient, unable to listen, avoiding the topic… It’s just that many of us are not observing our children’s reactions at all, and just blindly follow our minds. Even if the children say “stop talking”, we still can’t stop and have to talk. No. 053 year old boy. If I notice that he is in a hurry to urinate and I remind him, he will ignore it and even get angry. Worse yet, if I refrain from reminding him, he will actually pee in his pants and get even more angry! why is that? How on earth should I do this? No reminder. He can lose his temper, but after he calms down, his mother still has to tell him: \”Next time you feel something, remember to go to the toilet.\” A two- or three-year-old child is the most stubborn when he wants to be independent and hates others taking the initiative. Help unless he asks for help. And for such a big child, controlling urination and defecation is a very important job and achievement for him. He very much hopes that he can do it, so once he messes up, such as peeing on his pants, he will be very frustrated and unhappy. Happy. The mother should allow him to have this kind of failure, and recognize and accept the various negative emotions that come with failure. 06 Recently, my 3-and-a-half-year-old daughter always eats hard after returning from kindergarten. But it\’s obvious that she doesn\’t eat because of hunger. Sometimes she eats too much and it becomes accumulated food. She can\’t sleep well at night because of tossing and turning. Not so on weekends. Is this because she is unhappy in kindergarten? Ask her and she won\’t be able to tell. How do I need to help her? Emotions are more likely to cause this problem. Otherwise, under normal circumstances, children eat according to their own feelings and only eat when they are hungry. Keeping stuffing things in your mouth regardless of physical discomfort should be an emotional problem. Binge eating is usually related to emotions of \”loss\” and \”sadness\”. I guess it wasn\’t because something special happened in kindergarten (like she was beaten), but because she couldn\’t adapt to kindergarten. Facing an unfamiliar environment, she felt scared, but she had to go. She had to be separated from her relatives, so she felt lost and sad. We can accompany our children slowly through this adaptation period. A child\’s overeating and loss are clear signs that we need to spend more time with her, listen to her, and chat with her. Don\’t lie to yourself and say that your child will get better gradually. She won\’t get better naturally unless she is a cheerful child who is easily attracted to other children, gets very comfortable with them, and connects with them. 07 When my daughter sees someone crying on TV, she will pretend to have an expression and say: \”Hahaha, I see them crying, I am so happy!\” But as soon as I see her look, I clearly know that is not her true feeling. . Why is she like this? This is a defense. As for why she\’s denying her true feelings, thenIt depends on whether family members often speak with \”double messages.\” The so-called \”double information\” is: I think so, but I won\’t tell you directly. For example, a child asks his mother: \”Mom, I want to go out, is it okay?\” The mother says: \”You like it? If you like it, go out!\” At this time, the child can actually feel from the mother\’s voice that the mother does not want her to go out. Then the child will freeze there: If he goes out, he is afraid that his mother will be unhappy; if he doesn\’t go out, his mother will say: \”I have already let you go out, but you don\’t want to go out, so don\’t say that I don\’t let you go out.\” \”When a person is in a long-term insecure situation and dares not tell others his true words, but wants others to understand, he will often say the opposite. In this way, no matter what the other party does, he is not responsible. For example, some elderly people will say when receiving a call from their children: \”You don\’t have to call back!\” However, if they really don\’t call, they will be angry. If they do, they will continue to say this. When families often express \”double messages\” in this way, children will learn this way of expression. For example, she wants to cry when she sees others crying, but she will pretend to say: \”I am very happy.\” But in fact, she is sad when she sees others cry. It can be seen that her expression or voice and the content express two different things. It is also possible that the child feels that adults will criticize him for crying, so he tries to cover it up. In short, the reason why you are defensive is because you feel unsafe. If you feel safe, you will cry if you want to. The mother may feel that she did not allow her child to cry! It is not necessarily the matter of not letting the child cry, but it may be that \”double messages\” are often expressed on other occasions, making the child feel that it is unsafe to express true feelings. 08My daughter often gets angry suddenly and says, \”I\’m angry!\” but can\’t tell why she\’s angry. How can I get to the root of her emotions and help her learn to deal with them? The child can already express \”I\’m angry!\” For such an old child, there are two main sources of her negative emotions: 1. Problems in the relationship between husband and wife, which can easily lead to the child\’s emotional outburst. 2. In his social life, such as in his own small community or kindergarten, someone bullies him. So, mom can go check it out and see where the potential is. Needless to say, the first possibility is that mothers need to find ways to improve the relationship between husband and wife, otherwise the child will easily feel a strong sense of insecurity. If it is the second reason, the mother should teach the child how to deal with it. In fact, every child will encounter similar problems when they first enter a small society, but children with sufficient psychological nutrition will naturally know how to deal with them. He knows how to speak in small groups, how to scare away bullies, and how to protect himself. But children with insufficient psychological nutrition, such as children who are over-controlled at home and have a lot of emotions inside, are particularly likely to provoke other children in kindergarten, but they don\’t know how to deal with disputes. You don’t have to teach your children to fight back, but the bottom line is to teach them how to protect themselves. For example, tell the child: \”If you are always bullied by a certain child, you can come back and tell your mother, and your mother will come forward to help you solve it.\” If the childIf you are still not able to express yourself actively, you can try asking: \”Has anything happened with your children recently?\” \”Are you unwilling to play with others?\” \”Have others refused to play with you?\” However, my mother asked If you act too anxious and nervous when there is a problem, the child will feel it and she will not be willing to speak out. If the child refuses to talk, we can try to talk about what happened when we were young: \”Did you know, my mother used to be in kindergarten…\” Generally, three or four-year-old children can easily speak out after hearing this. So how do we guide our children when they have emotional outbursts? Simply say to the child: \”Mom knows you are angry!\” \”Mom has seen your emotions!\” \”Come, mom, give me a hug!\” \”Come into mom\’s arms and cry.\” When speaking, the calmer the mother is and the less anxious she is, The better. Children can also lose their temper, throw something that won\’t break, or hit the sofa or wall with pillows or sandbags to vent their anger. The bottom line is, don\’t hit people, and don\’t drop things that break easily. Or you can teach your children: \”You can shout out \”I\’m angry!\” \”09 My son is now 3 years old and 1 month old. He likes to play some situational games, or compete with his parents to do certain things, but he always wants to win and be the first. If he loses, he will be very aggrieved. Please tell me this Is the situation normal? How to guide it? Children will definitely have negative emotions when they lose. However, parents still have to let them lose sometimes and win sometimes, because in the most natural state, children will definitely lose and win when playing with peers. We cannot always let our children lose because we want to train them, nor can we always let them win because we are afraid that they will have negative emotions. Of course, children will not be happy when they lose. Adults are not able to treat winning and losing correctly, let alone children! When we are unhappy, we don’t need to deliberately do too much. We just need to accept his emotions. If we always try to educate our children and try to make them happy when they lose, or behave generously, no matter how hard we try, we can’t persuade them. If you can\’t have a child, or the child will be very entangled in his heart. He is obviously uncomfortable, frustrated, and wronged, but on the surface he has to pretend that nothing has happened. In fact, it is very hard to be able to accept his bad emotions after failure openly and accept it. \”People are better than me in this matter\” is already a good mentality. However, it is true that some children are not that concerned about winning or losing. This kind of nature cannot be forced. Moreover, there are advantages to not caring about winning or losing. , There are benefits to caring. We have all seen some people who don\’t mind anything. Of course they are easy-going, but they are definitely not very competitive and combative. The best thing is that children slowly learn to distinguish which ones as they grow up. What I don’t need to mind is what I need to mind. If I didn’t do well this time, I will try harder next time. 10. My daughter is 25 months old and gets angry when encountering difficulties, such as not being able to put things in her wallet. I tried this. After a few times, she will lose her temper, cry, and then throw her away, or even roll on the floor. My usual approach is to pick her up first, then guess the reason, tell her it doesn\’t matter if she can\’t put it in, and mom can help you, and treat her well. If you have any difficulties, speak up and don\’t cry. But my daughter didn\’t change after a while., is my approach correct? Mom has handled it better. Your child is in the \”terrible two years old\” stage. Children at this time are prone to losing their temper. They will lose their temper when encountering setbacks or things they can\’t do. This is quite natural. What the mother has to do is, if the child makes trouble like this, let him make trouble on his own. We will not be affected. We just treat this as a special transition period. Of course, you can also express concern: \”Is there anything you need mom\’s help with?\” or teach her how to do it. In short, let her understand that mom will be unhappy if she knows you can\’t do it, and mom will stay with you if you are unhappy. But if she still loses her temper, say: \”When your temper is better, mommy will come and hug you again.\” The only thing to note is that you don\’t need to say to the child: \”Don\’t cry.\” If the child wants to cry, just cry. This is what we say unconsciously. \”Don\’t cry\” actually means not accepting and blocking her emotions. When you see your child feeling sad or angry, just ask, \”What\’s wrong? Do you need help?\” 11 My son has just entered kindergarten. Every time he comes back from kindergarten, his emotions are extremely intense, and he vents like crazy. He can\’t bear to see other children even look at him. I also know that I shouldn\’t hit him, but when he goes crazy, a good beating can calm him down immediately. What should I do when faced with such a child? In addition, my son has a severely sensitive constitution. I wonder if his personality has anything to do with it? A child who has too much anger is a classic sign of having a whole host of emotions inside. If the child is like this, I suspect that there is a greater possibility of problems at home. Nine times out of ten, the parents have problems with their parenting methods and are cruel to their children. For example, they speak loudly, like to shout at their children, twist their children\’s ears, etc… To put it simply, parents should think about: Why do their children behave like this? So much anger? It is recommended that parents read more parenting books in order to have a basic understanding of their children\’s needs and psychological development. In short, start solving problems from your own parenting style. It is impossible for just one external environment, kindergarten, to unilaterally cause a child to have so many emotions, especially when other children in the kindergarten are very good and he is the only exception. Of course, children who have just entered kindergarten are not used to leaving their relatives and starting to live together. This will indeed put extra pressure on the children, but this is not fundamental. It only serves to intensify the inner conflicts that already exist. It is possible that the body is too sensitive, causing children to easily accumulate emotions. In other words, if the same parenting style is improper, other people\’s children may be fine, but your children will have various problems. But if the parenting methods are correct, even children who are naturally sensitive will not have these problems. In addition, physical sensitivity will affect emotions, and emotions in turn will trigger physical sensitivity. They influence each other. 12. My son loses his temper easily when he encounters setbacks. For example, when practicing piano, there is always something wrong. I will remind him, and then he will get very angry. However, how can we not encounter setbacks in the future? It can\’t always be smooth sailing! When a child knows that he is wrong, when he agrees with this mistakeWhen you make a mistake, you won\’t lose your temper. Therefore, either the child feels that he is right, or he is tired of his parents nagging him. This is human nature: I can remain silent if I am wrong, but I must speak out if I am right. Children are even more like this. For this reason, when a child realizes that he was wrong when he was spanked, he will not keep this feeling in his heart, but if the child feels that he is right but is spanked, the anger will always be remembered in his heart. Another possibility is that his parents made him feel unsafe, and he knew that if he admitted his mistakes, his parents would use them as a weapon against him. This is why when faced with the same mistake of a child, some people say he will not admit it, while others say he is willing to admit it, because he knows that in front of the latter, even admitting the mistake is nothing. When a child feels aggrieved because he has been wronged, it is important to tell him what to do. You have to tell him that sometimes, we need to accept it, because no one can be omniscient and omnipotent, and people will sometimes see things wrong. If the child feels that he has been wronged, he can explain it to the other party later. If your child is too young to speak, teach your child through role-playing games. We can\’t change the environment, so we can only teach children to deal with this frustration. 13 More and more experts emphasize that parents should respect and recognize their children\’s emotions, and I try to do the same. When they are sad or angry, I describe their bad feelings for them and acknowledge these feelings: \”Well, Mom knows that you feel uncomfortable. You must hope now…\” However, usually the more I describe, the more aggrieved the child becomes, sometimes it is simply Extremely wronged. I forgot about the things I did wrong because of my comfort, and I just felt wronged. I began to wonder, do they really need so much comfort? Dealing with children\’s emotions does not mean blindly acknowledging them. The more important thing is to let children know how to deal with them. If the mother is good at comforting her child, but the child himself has not learned how to deal with negative emotions, then in the end the person with high EQ will be the mother, not the child. Therefore, after the child\’s negative emotions arrive, the mother has to do two things: 1. Acknowledge his emotions with a few simple sentences, \”I see you are very wronged.\” or \”You are really sad!\”, but don\’t Tell your child or make him or her feel that what he is doing is right. 2. Wait for the child to calm down and teach him to deal with it: What should you do? How to deal with things that make you feel negative? Dealing with children\’s emotions is a lesson that parents now need to learn in particular. In the past, we were beaten and scolded by our parents when we were young. We could go to work and run around in the mountains and fields. The environment helped us vent a lot of negative emotions. But today\’s children are locked in the house all day long, without a channel to vent their emotions. Parents must be more attentive to teach their children emotional management. Emotion is an ability we are born with and an ability that is inseparable from our lives. A normal person will have emotions, and they will be accompanied by various emotions in life. In the face of children\’s emotions, parents do not need to be overly anxious, accept them peacefully, guide them strategically, and constantly understand and act. Moreover, we will find that children’s emotionsQuestions will also make us aware of some of our own complexes. For example, after some uncontrollable things happen, can we face our own powerlessness and frustration? I hope that we and our children can understand each other, learn and grow with them, and gain a harmonious parent-child relationship and a more mature self.