When the mother lets go of her own emotions, she catches the child\’s emotions

Case 1: Yesterday, a mother said to me: \”The method you shared with everyone about asking \’Why?\’ is so useful.\” I was very curious at the time, why did she say this? She said: My boss pouted yesterday morning and said, ‘Mom, you’re not fair. ’ When I heard this, I was very puzzled as to why it was unfair. I asked my eldest son, \”Why do you say that?\” My eldest son said, \”Mom, you send your younger brothers and sisters to school every morning. You don\’t send me to school. It\’s not fair.\” The mother said at that time, if In the past, when her emotions got high, she would say, \”Didn\’t Mom pick you up in the afternoon?\” However, yesterday, she let go of her emotions and just remained curious to explore \”why she said that\” behind her child\’s question. So, next the mother said: \”Dad sent you to school this morning.\” The eldest son then said: \”Dad drove me to school, and there was always traffic jam, so I was often late.\” \”Oh, I was often late, yes. It doesn’t make you sad.” (Seeing the child’s emotions) “Well, yes.” “What should we do? We also have younger siblings who need to be sent to kindergarten.” (Discuss with the child how to solve the confusion. The child will Feel respected.) \”Mom, I have the least energy on Monday and Friday mornings. You send me off on Monday and Friday mornings, and dad sends off my younger brothers and sisters. Is this okay?\” (The child\’s emotions will be seen, and the child will also meditate. Observe the objective situation and finally make reasonable suggestions.) The mother said that when the boss said it, she thought the suggestion was very good and she immediately agreed. Mom’s insights: During this chat with my child, I felt that it is so important to explore the “why” behind the child’s words and deeds. Once I understand the why, the problem will be solved, and it will be much easier to take care of the child, without me having to do it. If you think of a way, you will naturally find a way. Case 2: Yesterday, not a drop of rain fell in Shenzhen. The long-lost scorching sun hung in the sky. This is the summer that Shenzhen should have. Exposure to the sun makes it hot no matter where you go. Regardless of whether it\’s hot or not, the sky has been covered with no clouds or heavy rain for almost half a year. The sun finally shines, and I have to go out to bask in the sun, replenish calcium, and replenish energy. So, I lobbied Sister Yi at home to go to the park. \”Sister Yi, let\’s go to the park to bask in the sun and see the greenery.\” (Direct suggestions don\’t work.) \”No.\” \”Go, go. Mom needs you, otherwise you will be alone. \”(Emotional kidnapping doesn\’t work.) \”Yeah -, okay. Well -, don\’t.\” Sister Yi\’s reflex arc was too long, and she still kept her principles and said, \”Don\’t go. \”Okay, then I\’ll go by myself, and you\’ll be alone at home.\” (Suggestions won\’t work, and coquettishness won\’t work either. The old mother will give you the hard way, but it\’s a pity that threats don\’t work.) \”Okay,\” Sister Yi said. She was calmly playing with her flowers and plants on the balcony, not caring about her old mother who was already a little impatient. At this time, I noticed that my thinking pattern had returned to the old pattern, and I settled down. As expected, the words of our ancestors are wise: Tranquility leads to wisdom. After settling down, I continued: \”Then what else can I do?Why will you go out? \”(Let go of your emotions and listen to your child\’s voice.) Sister Yi said: \”Unless I go to the bookstore to do carpentry, I will go out. \”(The child is willing to do it only if it is his own choice.) Oops, I can finally pry Sister Yi\’s leg, and the old mother quickly agreed: \”Okay. \”So, I took Sister Yi to the bookstore to find a place to do carpentry. But as soon as I reached the second floor of the bookstore, Sister Yi saw with her peripheral vision that there was no one in the carpentry area on the second floor. She stopped and said to me: \”Mom , I don’t want to do carpentry anymore, I still want to go to the park. \”Hahaha, I was overjoyed, but I didn\’t want to reveal the truth. I quickly took Sister Yi to the park and played until dark. The old mother realized: the older the children are, the less willing they are to go out and go to nature. , but if people want to be in good spirits, they must go to nature to absorb energy, absorb negative ions, and be surrounded by green. Cherish every opportunity to go to nature, cherish every opportunity to stay with your children, and let go of your emotions. Leverage children\’s subjective initiative and willingness, and sometimes achieve the effect of a bright future. When communicating, we are often stimulated by the other party\’s words and deeds, and intensify the other party\’s emotions under the influence of emotions. Emotions will eventually hurt both sides, and the relationship will get worse and worse. When we communicate in parent-child and intimate relationships, let go of our emotions, without any presets in our minds, without looking into the past, without worrying about the future, and just keep ourselves in the moment. Be aware of the other person\’s words and deeds and maintain your current curiosity about the other person\’s words and deeds. When you communicate, you will find that the performance problem is not the problem. Behind the problem is the other person\’s needs. Only when you see the other person\’s needs can the problem be solved.