Children talk back, have low self-esteem, and are irritable because you often say these 5 sentences. Parents, please check yourself

Recently, I read a short story that felt sad and true. A 6-year-old boy was sick. His father took him to the hospital and kept asking him loudly in the aisle what was wrong with him. He poked the child in the head every time he asked. He said angrily: \”You don\’t know what\’s wrong with you, you\’ve grown so big!\” \”You can\’t be faking it, you damn kid is pretending to be sick when he\’s about to take the exam!\” \”Speak, you\’re mute, aren\’t you? \”The little boy\’s eyes were watery, but he remained silent. He just squatted in the corner timidly holding his stomach, his face was pale, and he was trembling. Later, the doctor diagnosed acute gastroenteritis. The father scolded again: \”It\’s cold but I don\’t want to wear clothes, I don\’t want to drink more water, and I don\’t wash my hands often. It\’s weird if I don\’t get sick.\” The child finally couldn\’t help but yelled at his father: \”I didn\’t!\” When it was the little boy\’s turn to draw blood for testing, he was obviously a little scared and resisted. He hid his hands behind his back to prevent the doctor from touching him. The father also saw the little boy\’s fear, but he just said coldly: \”Now I know I\’m afraid, don\’t get sick if you can!\” At this time, a little boy sitting next to him who also suffered from gastroenteritis couldn\’t help but said: \” Uncle, I also have gastroenteritis. He is just sick and has not made any mistakes. Don\’t talk about him anymore.\” He is obviously full of love, but he behaves ferociously. In reality, there are many such parents. They don’t know that those casual words may not leave scars on their children; but they can break their children’s hearts into pieces and become memories that they can never erase. memory. Speaking well is the best education parents can give their children. Professor Susan Forward said in the book \”Toxic Parents\”: \”Children will always believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas.\” Therefore, your wanton criticism may destroy a child, but every time you listen carefully and speak well, you can also create an excellent child. Previously, the talented girl Gu Ailing was frequently on the screen. She started skiing at the age of 3 and won more than 40 gold medals at the age of 14. Live properly as \”other people\’s children\”. After watching the conversation between her and her mother Gu Yan, I realized that if parents talk like this, it will be hard for their children not to be outstanding. When she was 8 years old, she joined a ski team. At that time, she was the only girl on the team, so she was particularly concerned about her gender and her achievements. After returning home, she said to her mother angrily: \”Mom, I want to participate in the Olympics in the future.\” Gu Yan replied gently: \”It\’s good, come on, you can do it!\” At the age of 13, she participated in the professional competition for the first time. In the open competition, she fell heavily. What she was more unhappy about than wrestling was that she failed. At this time, her mother gently held her shoulders and said: \”You are 13 years old compared with so many adults. I am proud of you.\” So everything has a cause and effect. Using language to achieve success for children is the highest level of education for parents. Parents who speak well can always guide their children to become emotionally stable, positive, optimistic, confident and successful people. Speak well and start by saying at least these 5 sentences. It is inevitable that people will get emotional sometimes, let alone being a parent. Due to pressures from work, family and all aspects, and not knowing how to express themselves, parents will inevitably speak out loud sometimes, but since they have realized that it will cause harm to their children, they must keep their mouths shut. Say less of this in lifeIn 5 sentences, the parent-child relationship will become more and more harmonious. 1. You look at others, and then they look at you? Of course you can set an example, but such a favoring approach will only make your children hate you more; don\’t forget that your purpose is to stimulate your children\’s ambition, not their shame. Every child is unique. Only by teaching children in accordance with their aptitude and teaching them to compare with themselves can they make real progress. 2. I told you a long time ago, but you just didn’t listen. Now you are in the trap. The original intention was just to let the children remember the losses they had suffered, but in fact it deepened the conflict. It stimulates the child\’s rebellious psychology. Even if what you say is right, the child will not listen, especially adolescent children. In fact, if parents speak well, their children will be obedient. 3. I am not doing it for your own good. What many parents often say is: \”I am doing this for your own good. How can you do this to me despite how much I have paid for you?\” In fact, this kind of moral kidnapping self-movement has no effect. Doing things that harm your children in the name of loving your children will only make your children farther and farther away from you. 4. You know how to play all day long, what else can you do. Is the child really that bad? One sentence negates all the child\’s efforts. How can a child who cannot hold his head up in front of his parents study and live well? 5. You can do whatever you want, I don’t care about you. This sentence seems to be a concession, but in fact it is an implicit coercion. The subtext released is: I\’ve already been like this and you still don\’t listen, then let you go and take care of yourself and fend for yourself. Children are naturally attached to their parents. If you say this too much, it is easy for the child to feel that he is an abandoned and unsupported child. How should parents talk well to their children? As a parent, there will always be countless moments when your children drive you crazy, and you spend all your time accompanying them every day. What you end up with is a worse parent-child relationship. A father said that after having a child, he felt like a psycho and often talked loudly and yelled. How can parents talk to their children in order to achieve more effective communication? 1. Try an open conversation. This is the first and most difficult step for parents and children to talk well. Because when it comes to children, we always preemptively order or criticize their actions, and at this time most children have a rebellious mentality. For example, if they want to ask their children to eat, many parents will say: \”Baby, come and eat quickly.\” Nine times out of ten, the child will refuse, because no one likes the tone of the order, and neither does the child. To change the conversation, we can say: \”Son, let\’s see who can eat the dish with the prettiest color.\” This will naturally reduce conflicts if the child does not have the opportunity to say \”no\”. 2. Reject Emotional Dialogue Emotional problems cannot be solved through emotional dialogue. For example, when their children roll around and yell, many parents will say: \”If you keep doing this, I won\’t want you anymore. Why did I raise such a thing like you?\” and so on. This will only make the child more insecure. First of all, parents should express their attitude. Even though their children have done something wrong, their parents still love you. Secondly, we need to help the child resolve his emotions: \”Mom, I know you did something wrong and you are very sad. It\’s okay, Mom.\”Mom used to be like this, if you want to cry, just cry for a while. \”Such words can help children open up their hearts and bring them closer to their parents. Finally, guide the children to reflect: \”What do you think will make things better next time? \”Doing this can give children a choice and at the same time cultivate their ability to deal with things. 3. Use heuristic dialogue. In fact, dialogue is a two-way street. It requires parents and children to come and go to form a closed loop. Strengthen communication between parents and children. In many cases, praise alone is not enough, and children cannot continue the conversation. But if parents use heuristic dialogue, they can ensure the continuity of the conversation and help children expand their cognition and improve their thinking. Ability. For example, if a child thinks the puppy is cute, parents can ask questions such as \”What is the puppy doing? Why is the puppy running after the ball?\” to inspire children to think and observe. Said: “Good parents have a zipper on their lips and never talk to their children as they please. \”Violent language will only make children more violent; speaking well will also make children obedient, optimistic and positive. It is really not easy to keep your mouth shut, but for the sake of your children and yourself, It\’s worth it. We always say that we will give everything for our children, but we ignore that what children want most is the gentle words of their parents.