A mother’s deep reflection after her son scored 405 in the high school entrance examination: If I could go back to elementary school all over again, I would teach him this way…

During this period of time, some people are happy and some are sad when they get good grades in the high school entrance examination. Unfortunately, I am the worried one. Looking at the scores that seemed to be missing arms and legs in each subject and the 405 in the total score column, I fell into deep thought. To be honest, I am often adapting: How come that lively and cute little boy suddenly turned into a 1.75-meter-and-a-half-year-old boy? Why did the little boy who once won first place in the origami competition suddenly turn into a \”scumbag\” who had no sense of achievement? Time was silent, but it answered many of my questions. When your children are young, many things you do are like planting seeds, and nothing will come out of them. After a few years, when the child gradually grows up, the effects will become apparent as the buds sprout and the flowers bloom. Some things that seemed important at the time are nothing more than that now. There are some things that I ignored at the time but only discovered now that they are so important. As a mother of a junior high school student, looking back on the past ten years, I would like to share my insights with the mothers of primary school students: there may be some situations like this in the road ahead, and the sooner you know about some things, the better. In primary school, reading with you is not to accompany you. You must develop good study habits. In the first and second grades of primary school, many parents will accompany their children to write homework and correct their homework. It\’s okay to do this when the child has no concept of learning, but parents must always have this string: Accompanying is to not accompany, and ultimately let go and let the child complete the homework independently. If in fifth or sixth grade, parents still need to strictly guard against staring at homework and not writing if they don\’t, then they need to pay attention. Because this is definitely not a long-term solution – by the time you reach junior high school, you won’t be able to accompany him even if you want to. In junior high school, several subjects have been added at once, and the learning intensity and difficulty are much higher. It is impossible for parents to stay with their children to write until midnight – the adults will collapse and the children will get tired of learning. What\’s more, parents no longer know how to answer many questions and can\’t help even if they want to. At this time, there are only two things left for parents to do: keep supervising and enrolling their children in classes and hiring tutors. But the urging at this time is no longer as effective as it was in elementary school. The child locks himself in a room and you don\’t even know what he is doing. If you press too much, he just won\’t write, and you have no idea at all. The prerequisite for enrolling in classes and hiring a tutor is that the child is willing to learn. But if the children did not develop good study habits and did not develop enough motivation to learn, they would only learn perfunctorily and mechanically. As a result, a lot of money and time were spent, but the effect was not obvious. Many parents are worried about this, but there is nothing they can do. Therefore, instead of worrying until then, it is better to develop good study habits from the primary school stage. Let your children know these things clearly: learning is their own business. If you have difficulties, you can ask your parents for help, but basically you have to complete it yourself. Studying is a student\’s main job. It is best to go home and do homework first, and then play after finishing homework. Once you lay this foundation, the rest will be much easier. In primary school, rather than letting children learn how much, it is more important to stimulate their inner drive to learn and cultivate their interest in learning. Many parents enroll their children in many classes in primary school, hoping to learn more in advance. In this way, the short-term effect may be quite good. The child\’s grades will be outstanding in the class, but when he goes to junior high school, he will be ignored by everyone and his grades will always be at the lowest level.It\’s hovering in the middle and can\’t be raised no matter what. This phenomenon is very common. Because I learned too much in elementary school and ran a marathon at a speed of 100 meters, I quickly felt tired and lost my stamina. Moreover, because the time is so full, it is difficult to leave time for thinking, and it can easily turn into rote memorization. It was okay in elementary school, but in middle school, it is very difficult to get good grades by relying on rote learning. In addition, in junior high school, children\’s self-awareness sprouts and they will think more and more about a question: Why should I study? What is the meaning of learning? If a child feels that studying is only for his parents or to get into college and get a good job in the future, the reasons given by these minds can only last for a while and are not enough to support heavy and long-lasting study. Unless children feel fun, accomplishment and meaning in learning. Therefore, in primary school, instead of enrolling in many extracurricular classes, it is better to consciously cultivate children\’s curiosity about the world and knowledge, let them develop the habit of thinking and inquiry, and activate their thinking mode. At the same time, leave blank space for your child so that he has time and space to roam freely in the real world and the spiritual world. Only when a person has enough free space and time can he understand his own existence, what he really wants, and his relationship with himself and the world. I believe that these two points are the key to children\’s learning potential. In elementary school, we must lay a solid foundation for the parent-child relationship and establish good communication channels. Don\’t think that just completing homework is enough, and don\’t think that enrolling your children in many extracurricular classes means being responsible. When your children are young, you must chat with them more and spend more time with them. Chat all over the world, chat with great imagination – talk about his studies, talk about your work, talk about the books you read, delicious food, fun things… During the chat, the relationship between parents and children is enhanced, and also Smooth communication channels have been established. I know that your child is screaming mommy all day long and keeps talking to you about all kinds of things. Sometimes you will feel annoyed and yell at your child: Eat well and stop talking! But please cherish moments like this. When your child reaches junior high school, you will find one day that the dinner table suddenly becomes quiet, and the child\’s little mouth no longer keeps talking. Children become more immersed in their own world and become silent. If you have not established good communication channels and have no habit of in-depth conversations before this, your usual communication will be limited to daily matters: What to eat? Hurry up and do your homework, go to bed soon, it\’s time to get up… At this time, you will become helpless in the face of your child\’s silence. You don’t know what your child is thinking, and you don’t know how to enter the child’s world. Children are used to having emotions and digesting them on their own. Even when a child encounters a problem, it is difficult for him to ask his parents for help and he just suffers it silently. Parents can only be anxious and want to help, but when they open their mouths, their children become more resistant – because they have never learned how to communicate with their children. Some time ago, my son encountered some troubles at school, and he was still emotional when he came home. We asked about the situation, expressed our understanding, helped him sort out his thoughts, and guided him to look at the problem from different perspectives. We chatted back and forth for a long time. I am very lucky that my son is willing to talk to us when he encounters problems., we were able to help him, too—thanks to a supportive and trusting relationship between the family and a tradition of authentic, open communication. I also sigh once again: When your children are still young, please be sure to establish a good parent-child relationship and smooth communication channels. This is the retreat when your children encounter setbacks outside one day in the future, and it is also the best way you can help your children. Finally, although your children are important, don\’t forget about yourself. When your children reach middle and high school, you will find that you no longer have to take care of them in every detail as you did when you were a child. When the children are older, they can go to and from school by themselves. Family activities on weekends have also been reduced a lot – people have their own social activities and are no longer willing to play with their parents. In terms of study, if you are anxious, you will not be able to put in the effort. There is very little you can do. When you were a child, you were often so tired that you just wanted to be alone. Now, you have a lot of time to be quiet, but you feel a sense of emptiness for no reason. Over the past 12 years, you have become accustomed to putting all the focus of your life on your children. Although you are tired, you are extremely fulfilling. But now, your children no longer need you that much, and your life seems to have lost its focus, leaving a large space vacant – even if your children have not left home, you still feel a little bit of the loss of an empty nester. Only then do you realize how important your career, hobbies, and your partner are to support your life and prevent you from feeling overwhelmed. And you have ignored them for so long. When my son was a child, the family of three would do activities together every weekend. Now, my son often goes to play ball with his classmates, and weekends have increasingly become a two-person world for me and my father. Looking at the child\’s father with slightly frosty temples, I feel more and more like an old married couple, and I cherish him more. The older the child is, the more we need to exit gracefully and leave space for the child, and at the same time, we also leave space for ourselves. At this time, if your life is full, it will be good for yourself and your children. Therefore, I would like to remind mothers: Although every stage of life has a focus, even when the children are young, they should keep part of the focus on themselves, cultivate and manage their own careers and hobbies, and don’t neglect the intimacy with the person next to you. relation. A mother is herself first. A mother with a full heart, an independent personality, and a good relationship between husband and wife will allow her children to move towards a new world with greater ease, and will also be a better friend and role model for their children. It is often said that parents are only valid for 18 years. When children leave home to go to college, parents have much less influence on their children. I now feel that saying 18 years is a bit broad. The influence of parents is more reflected when the children are young, especially before middle school. If you plant the seeds well and lay a solid foundation before this, it will be much easier later. On the contrary, the road of parenting will become increasingly difficult. I hope this article can help you foresee the road ahead and avoid some detours.