Discover a worry-free and labor-saving education method: do the same thing with your children, and you will win

It was a friend\’s birthday and I invited several mothers who I usually hang out with to attend. We also agreed to go back to my hometown to go hiking together on the weekend. But while we were busy planning for the weekend, one mother refused and said: \”That won\’t work. It\’s almost time.\” The final exam is coming up next week, so I have to review it at home.\” \”She also posted a label on her study desk, which said how many points she would need to take in the final exam.\” \”I asked her why she posted that, and she told me it was for Always remind me to work hard and not be lazy.\” My friend suggested: \”You can take all the homework and play with it, and you can review it at any time.\” Mom continued: \”Even if I want to take it out, she herself won\’t be willing, because she said \”However, every time I play with a few children, I don\’t want to do homework at all.\” When I said this, I suddenly thought of another friend. Her daughter used to get sleepy when talking about homework. In those days, the family was often filled with quarrels, complaints, and outbursts of verbal abuse. My friend often had trouble sleeping because of her daughter’s learning problems. Later, when attending a parent-teacher meeting, I heard a mother’s suggestion: “You give me some advice.” The children set a small goal that is relatively easy to achieve. When the children experience the sense of victory and achievement, their winning mentality will be stimulated, and they will consciously work hard to become better.\” Sure enough, after following this advice, the children have become more successful in their lives. I am much more proactive in my studies. When I get home from school every day, I know how to take out my books from my schoolbag and start doing my homework without being reminded. What is this? This is the plasticity of children, especially young children. Their plasticity is relatively strong. What kind of environment we create for our children will affect their growth. Through the topic of \”plasticity\”, Lan’s mother also discovered a worry-free and labor-saving education method, which is to “accompany the child to do the same thing.” For example, if you accompany the child to do the same thing in the following situations, visible changes will appear in the child 01 When children are playful, make time plans together. Some people say that the best way for parents to educate is through sparring, not supervision or criticism or nagging. This is indeed true. Children need to see a person who understands more than supervision and nagging. , parents who have a common topic went to their best friend’s house last week and witnessed a fight between her and her son. At that time, she and her best friend had not been reunited for a long time. After meeting, they had a lively chat, and her son Yangyang was sitting there. He was playing with his mobile phone next to him and waited for his best friend to react. Then he quickly took away the child\’s mobile phone and warned: \”You know how to play with your mobile phone all day long. What else do you do besides playing with your mobile phone? Have you finished your homework? Do you still need your eyes?\” The series of rhetorical questions made Yangyang a little unconvinced. He then asked, \”You know what I\’m talking about, you usually hold on to your phone.\” His best friend replied, \”I\’m an adult, I know what to do and what not to do.\” You should do it, you are a student, and your task now is to do a good job in your studies.\” Yangyang felt depressed after being scolded, and ignored him when I talked to him again. Later, when I was chatting with Yangyang, he accidentally told: \”I didn\’t mean not to do my homework. I just forgot about it after playing.\” Yes, let alone the children., even we adults often cannot withstand the temptation, and we have agreed to \”turn off the phone after watching it for 5 minutes.\” However, when we look at it, there are countless \”5 minutes\”. Therefore, it is not scary for children to be playful and lazy, but it is the parents who are scary. That nagging look, what parents need at this time is to make time plans together. For example, after returning home from school, the mother’s time plan is to prepare the meal by what time, and the child’s time plan is what time After finishing the homework before, let\’s have another \”time competition\” to see who can finish their own things first within the specified time. If possible, the mother will \”let go\” appropriately and deliberately let the child win the time competition and let the child Gradually form a good conscious habit of \”finishing your homework first after returning home\”. 02 When children are dilly-dallying, starting from small goals together is a bad habit in life. Dilly-dallying is also a sign of psychological fear and emotional confrontation. Recognize this and give it some encouragement. Encouragement can effectively improve the child\’s dilly-dallying. A friend of mine was sending her daughter to a cram school for tutoring on the weekends. When she met a child who dawdled when doing homework, the mother told her: \”There is really nothing we can do. You can\’t do it at home.\” I couldn\’t finish my homework after staring at it for hours. When I got to the cram school, it only took half an hour to finish it.\” Unexpectedly, the girl directly retorted unconvinced and said, \”The teachers in the cram school always let us do our homework by ourselves. I checked and corrected it later. It’s not as poisonous as your eyes. If a word is written irregularly, it will be erased and rewritten, and some derogatory words will be said to hit me.” When my friend told me about this matter, the first It feels like \”time is wasted on emotional confrontation\”. If I think about it carefully, it seems to be true. Especially when we accompany our children to do homework, we always like to set high standards for perfection and criticize and nag children when they cannot do it. , even comparing him with other people\’s children, it is expected that the child will talk back. Therefore, the essence of tutoring homework is not to urge, but to provide effective guidance and guidance when the child does not understand or needs it. Especially when we find that a child is struggling or failing in learning, the correct approach should be to re-plan a growth path suitable for the child, such as \”small goal\” planning, which is to strengthen the child\’s confidence from the aspect of \”visible efforts\”. If you score 80 points in the test, the small goal of working hard is to improve by 1 point, 3 points, and 5 points, thereby slowly achieving hierarchical progress. Children used to take several hours to do homework, and the small goal of working hard is to complete one homework first. Start by finishing one subject before completing another. In this way, under the influence of the clarity and operability of small goals, specific goals within a given time and scope will become an effective driving force for a sense of accomplishment and enthusiasm. 03 Children Let’s find the value of learning together when we are tired of studying. Many times I have been thinking about how good we train our children to be to be called excellent. In fact, as long as children try their best, work hard, and are serious, they are worthy of it. \”Excellent\” I went to my cousin\’s house for dinner and met a distant relative whom I haven\’t seen for more than ten years. She came home this time to visit relatives during the meal. We chatted and asked her to stay longer this time before going back, but she didn\’t. He explained with a sad face: \”NowThere is too much pressure to enter a higher school. In the past, you could get into high school with a score of more than 300 points. Now if you can\’t get a score of more than 600 points, you will be brushed off. My girl has to study very late every day. She didn\’t go to bed until after one o\’clock last night. She told me several times that she is too tired and doesn’t want to study anymore, so what can I do?” After listening to these words, I suddenly thought of my daughter who was tired of studying some time ago and threw her schoolbag on the bed every day when she came home, and then There are all kinds of books on the floor. You ask her \”When will I do my homework?\” and she says, \”Wait a minute, I\’m packing my schoolbag.\” When you ask her how long it will take, she becomes a little impatient and replies irritably: \” Are you annoyed? I just don’t want to do my homework. Are you satisfied?\” Realizing the timeout effect of urging, I started to change my style and trick her: \”Then do you want to surpass your deskmate?\” My daughter was stunned for a moment, then nodded. Then he encouraged her: \”As long as you have this goal of exceeding your goal, then mom will have the confidence to help you achieve what you want.\” In the following period, Lan\’s mother was not idle either. She would print out an extra copy of her daughter\’s homework and accompany her to it. I became a \”student\” with her. Although the questions for primary school students were relatively simple, my daughter saw that I was also doing homework, and her laziness and dislike of learning disappeared. In her own words: \”My mother is so old.\” I can’t be too late to do my homework, and I can’t be embarrassed.” This is the importance of parents setting an example. The less willing their children are to do something, then accompany them to do that thing together. At first, they may reject, rebel, or even escape, but after a while, After children gradually form good behavioral habits, their strengths and brilliance will naturally bloom. 04 Let’s create topics to talk about when children are rebellious. I heard a saying before: “When children are rebellious, they are actually being themselves.” In fact, every child is rebellious. There are reasons behind children\’s rebellious behavior. Only by understanding the underlying reasons can the child\’s rebellion be effectively terminated. There was a 16-year-old girl whose father worked outside all year round. Her mother also abandoned her after the divorce and found a new home. From the time she got married and had children, she basically depended on her grandma. Later, her grandma got too old and couldn\’t take care of her. She was also worried that poor conditions in her hometown would delay her studies, so she discussed with her father that she could be brought to a big city for development. Unexpectedly, the girl She has been sensitive since she was a child. After listening to her grandmother\’s advice, her temperament changed drastically. She played outside all day long and stayed away from home until midnight. Her father called her a \”wild child\” and \”cannot support the family.\” Her grandmother was also worried that the girl would run around outside all day long. Finally, So they went to the teacher hoping to get some advice. The teacher didn\’t know until they asked. After asking, they found out that the girl was worried about being abandoned again. She was afraid that her grandma would really send her away, and she was also afraid that her father would live in a big city. Will her \”new home\” in her home not welcome her? In that kind of panic and helplessness, the girl doesn\’t know how to make herself feel better. All she can do is hide in a friend\’s house and seek shelter. Seeing this example, I suddenly thought of a friend. My son is also in the rebellious stage of 17 or 18 years old. He is addicted to games every day and can\’t help himself. Sometimes he doesn\’t even bother to eat. My mother is so worried that she can\’t sleep because of this matter. She often tries to persuade her, but every time Before you say a few words, your child loses his temper and you don\’t let him play.If you don\’t give him money to play with his classmates, he will find a way to steal it everywhere. In short, no matter how earnestly you teach, your child will always have a broken mind and even threaten his mother. : \”If you force me again, I will make you never see me…\” At that moment, the mother only felt angry and helpless. She was angry that the child should not speak with that attitude, and was helpless because she did not know how to teach the child well. Later, it was only when my father came home that he calmed down the rebellious mentality of \”losing his temper when he was told to lose his temper\”. The child played games and would not let go of his mobile phone. He gave him a special mobile phone, and then stared at him and refused to let him eat, drink or sleep. , and he is not allowed to go to the toilet…and after six or seven hours in a row, the child will put down the mobile phone on his own initiative. If you let him play with it again, he will shake his head. When the child\’s mobile phone addiction slowly dissipates, he will use his childhood phone again. The strange thing about the example of skipping class and going to an Internet cafe is that since the father and son created a common topic, they chatted very happily, gossiping about specific details at one moment, and sharing some new things they heard at school. This is the rebellion of talking about topics with children. When children are talking, listen carefully. When children are rebellious, don’t just focus on their shortcomings. Try to talk more about topics that you like to listen to and are willing to talk about in depth. The communication between us and our children will become much simpler than before. Constant nagging, correcting, and empathizing with your children while doing the same thing are also the simplest ways we can change our children.