After raising children for 7 years, I finally realized the truth: when your child loses his temper, your first words are very important.

\”The older the child, the louder the temper!\” This is my most profound realization in the 7 years of raising children! I came home from get off work yesterday and was so tired that I couldn\’t help but insisted on going out to buy \”crystal mud\”. I discussed it with him in a good voice, saying that my mother was too tired, so I would go on the weekend. No matter how hard he tried, he refused and kept dragging my clothes towards the door: \”I want to buy it today, go now, hurry up!!!\” I was too tired, so I ignored him. Unexpectedly, Doubao pushed the chair directly and hit the ground with a loud \”bang\”, which scared my heart. He glared at me as if he were an enemy: \”Everyone else has it, why don\’t you buy it for me!\” The fire in his heart was so maddening that he couldn\’t help shouting: \”Can\’t you see that mom is tired? Conscience If a dog eats it, will he be considerate of adults? With such a bad temper, what will happen when he grows up?\” As Doubao went to elementary school, it was like a war at home every day. The smallest thing can irritate him, he loves to \”talk back\” more and more, he cries when he disagrees, and he has to be the opposite of everything… Faced with a child who spits fire randomly, I am really exhausted every day and have to Thinking: Why did the once obedient and sensible children become like this? The child who throws a tantrum is actually asking for help. Behind every child who throws a tantrum, there are hidden thoughts and demands that parents don’t know about! Every time a child loses his temper, it seems like he is putting pressure on his parents, but in fact he is asking for help. I was riding the subway last week, and there was a father and son sitting opposite me. The kid looked six or seven years old. As soon as he got in the car, the boy curiously asked this and that. He was very happy, and his father patiently answered them one by one. Not long after, the father started playing with his mobile phone, and the child\’s questions were answered in a perfunctory manner. The child was quite well-behaved, sitting quietly next to him, dangling his calves in boredom. Perhaps because he was too bored, the boy called his father several times, but received no reply. The boy started to act silly and sat down on the ground: \”I want to get off the car, I want to get off the car!\” The father put down his cell phone, leaned over and whispered a few words. Unexpectedly, the little guy suddenly became well-behaved. But after a while, the boy sat down on the ground again and said, \”I want to go home!\” \”We haven\’t arrived yet!\” Dad replied calmly. The boy became even more irritable, waving his little hand and hammering at his father: \”No! No! I want to go home now!\” The father was not happy either, and shouted: \”You kid, why do you always lose your temper!\” Look! Seeing his father\’s expression change, the boy started to cry. In fact, from beginning to end, the child has been thinking of ways to attract his father\’s attention. As long as dad talks to him instead of looking at his phone, he won\’t be so anxious. But the father never thought about the needs of his children. Lack of emotional attention and care is the main reason why children lose their temper. American psychologist William James said that the most essential emotional need of human beings is the desire to be valued and noticed. In parent-child interactions, once parents cannot focus on their children, children will try their best to attract their parents\’ attention. If our signals for help are ignored time and time again, children will express their emotions directly through behavior. As a result, we will see children lose their temper for no apparent reason and make a fuss until they lose control. And all of this is the child sending a message to his parents: I feel uncomfortable, pleaseYou see me, please help me. When a child loses his temper, it is an opportunity to get into his heart. When your child loses his temper at you, he wants you to get into his heart and help him solve his problem. Brain science research has found that the human \”emotional brain\” develops and matures before the \”rational brain\”. In other words, when a child\’s emotions explode, his weak \”rational brain\” is completely unable to control his powerful \”emotional brain.\” Children do not have the ability to think rationally before they deal with their emotions. When a child loses his temper, how should we as parents guide him? The following different communication and handling methods are worth thinking about for all parents. Let’s take a look. 1. When a child loses his temper and throws things, \”Stop throwing things!\” \”What happened when you threw these things? Can you tell me about it?\” When a child loses his temper, the more parents say they should do it. What, the children must not do anything more. It is better to change the angle and guide the children to express their feelings correctly. Tell your children that if you have something to say, you have to say it carefully so that your parents can know exactly how you feel in your heart. Throwing things and yelling will make people wonder what you are thinking and what you need. 2. When a child is angry and hits someone, \”You try hitting someone again!\” \”It\’s normal for you to be angry and angry, but it\’s not right to hit someone.\” Let\’s make it clear: there is nothing wrong with emotions, but the expression is wrong. Way. First, empathize with your child\’s feelings and let them understand: Mom and Dad understand all your emotions. At the same time, children are clearly warned that behaviors that hurt others and themselves, such as hitting and kicking, need to be corrected, and venting their anger on other things is not a good way to resolve anger. 3. When children confront their parents, \”Go brush your teeth/eat/sleep now!\” \”Do you want to put the little duck to sleep first, or put yourself to sleep first?\” For children, when the need for independence bursts out, they will desire from the heart to make the decision on their own. , instead of being arranged! Often, losing their temper is one of their ways of trying to take control. At this time, parents must use some tricks to give their children a clever choice: not letting them choose to do or not to do it, but to choose when to do it or how to do it. 4. When a child can\’t listen to you, \”I\’ve told you so many times, have you listened?\” \”I\’ve said it once, and you can repeat it in a low voice in my ear, okay.\” For children, an adult It is important to be willing to listen to him truly and patiently. Encourage the child to speak and let the child fully express and talk about it, and the child will remember it more easily. Repeating it again can also have a consolidating effect. Remember, the louder you yell at them, the less likely they will listen. 5. When a child cries while grabbing a toy, \”Why are you so selfish? You need to know how to share.\” \”This toy is yours. You can decide whether you want to play with the children or not.\” In most cases, children fighting for toys are not Because he wants to play with this toy. What he grabbed was not the toys, but the desire for control behind the toys. At this time, parents need to see the real needs behind their children\’s inappropriate behavior. When the needs are met, the inappropriate behavior will naturally disappear. Parents need to tell their children that they have the right to decide on their own toys, and at the same time guide their children to play with their partners. wait untilAfter the child has calmed down, review and discuss with the child why he lost his temper and how to express his emotions and feelings correctly. When faced with a tantrum-prone child, a parent’s first words are really important!