I cried that day. Please stop labeling your children…

I have always admitted that I am a serious face control person, and I think my evaluation is very objective. Because every time a friend compliments my son on how good-looking he is, I always say honestly that he has fair skin, but he is not good-looking. You see, the eyes are not big, and they have single eyelids. \”Are you still his mother? Aren\’t all your children the most beautiful?\” My friends always can\’t stand it when I say this about my son. This is not over yet. My mother and I would talk about our son from time to time at home, \”Mom, my son\’s skin is really good, it would be nice if he looked better!\” I never thought it was anything, until one day, I took the little guy to I stayed at my mother\’s place for a while, but on the day I arrived, the neighbors gathered around my son when they saw him (you can imagine the scene), oh, he has a tiger head and a tiger brain, he grows up so fast; you raised him pretty well, he is fat… just in time When everyone was talking, the son suddenly suppressed his blush and said softly, \”I\’m not good-looking!\” In an instant, the air seemed to freeze, and everyone was a little surprised, \”Who said that, the baby is very cute, we all like you very much\”. \”Mom said I\’m not good-looking.\” He held my little hand tightly and felt a little wet, and his face was a little lonely… At that moment, my heart suddenly twitched, and I immediately picked him up and hurriedly said goodbye to everyone, \”Mom is all Just kidding, just say it casually! Mommy loves you the most!\” I kissed his little face desperately, and the little guy hugged me tightly. At that moment, I felt very guilty. I felt that my previous evaluation of him was so \”cruel\” and I couldn\’t bear it anymore. I couldn\’t stop crying. They are small, but they receive information all the time and understand it all! Now that I think back to the situation at that time, I still feel so sorry for my son. The sad look on his face as he pouted and rested his head on my shoulder made me feel like a complete bad guy. I swear, under no circumstances should I label my children. You must know that compared with the labels we easily label our children as \”introverted\”, \”timid\” and \”slow\”, words like \”ugly\” seem to have a stronger negative connotation and have a more negative impact. big. Besides, I don’t really think he is bad-looking from the bottom of my heart, but I originally expected him to be better-looking. So don’t think that if your child is young, it’s okay to say casual things occasionally. In fact, they all understand that they are absorbing information all the time. You thought they couldn\’t understand you, but he observed your expression and felt your tone. As soon as you put a label on it, he fully knows that this is not a good evaluation, and he will be secretly sad at this young age. Don\’t put labels, especially on you, because most of your children\’s self-perception comes from you. American psychologist Becker said that once people are labeled with a certain label, they will become the person designated by the label. Adults don\’t want to be labeled by others, let alone children. That\’s really cruel. Labels will follow the children like a curse. When you label your children, it is equivalent to shaping their role. They will act according to the role you set. If they act out, the child will really develop in that direction. , even if he was not like that originally. Because I have a close friend who lives in the United States, my mother-in-law has received some training in this area, so she is doing better than me. She never forced her children to call others. When someone outside said, \”Your grandson is quite introverted.\” She alwaysYes, I can hug my son. He is very lively once he gets to know everyone. Then when others leave, she will tell her son which aunt it was just now. She said hello to you because she likes you. You can also say hello to her next time. Later, one time, my son was very happy to tell me, Mom, I did a great job today and took the initiative to say hello to Brother Fanfan’s grandma. Grandma said, you will definitely praise me! \”Grandma is right. Of course mom will give you a big praise. You should always do this in the future! You feel very happy, don\’t you?\” The son smiled broadly. Psychologists tell us that from the time a child is born, his self-esteem Most of the formation of cognition comes from parents\’ evaluation of him. Your recognition and judgment are basically their self-evaluation, and their self-awareness determines whether they are confident, independent and self-improvement in the future. Wow, grandma is so clever. Not only did she not let others label her son, she also allowed her son to get the recognition he wanted most from me. Let go of the politeness of the adult world and your own vanity, and stop labeling your children! In the adult world, there are always some courtesy that we think we need. For example, when a neighbor’s child walks towards us, we will praise, wow, your child is so beautiful and well-mannered. But don’t draw a comparison with our own children and add, “Our family is really noisy.” We always have our own vanity. When our children don’t behave well enough in public, we get a little annoyed and anxious, so we casually throw out a few words: “Why are you so timid and don’t even call me?”, “You are so slow.” Why are you swallowing?”, “Not brave at all, look at other people’s little sisters climbing up from there”… So when children are labeled, most of the time it’s not because there’s anything wrong with the child, but because we strive for perfection. Please relax. Not every child can or will be successful according to the world\’s definition. The most important thing we need to teach them is to let them accept their uniqueness and imperfections and live a positive life. Life Lessons.