Don’t let your good intentions break other people’s rules!

During the National Day holiday, a friend\’s family came to visit. As soon as classmate Zhe heard that Youyou was coming, he prepared his snacks early, and while setting up a table, he said, \”This is for sister Youyou, and this is for sister Youyou.\” I can’t discourage my children’s sense of sharing, but after Youmei arrived, every time classmate Zhe handed Youmei snacks, I would ask my friend: “Can this Youyou eat?” No one in this world knows their children better than mothers. Depending on the physical constitution, some children take mangoes for granted, while others will have uncomfortable allergic reactions after eating them. In terms of parenting, we can make rules based on the acceptance capabilities of our own children, but we should also respect other people\’s parenting rules. In this matter, classmate Zhe also understood a truth: he can share freely, but others have the right to refuse. At about ten o\’clock in the morning, after eating the extra dairy products and fruits, Youmei wanted to play with classmate Zhe\’s toys, but she was a little embarrassed, so she ran over and pulled Youma and asked her to get the toys from the shelf for her. Youma said: \”Are these toys for brother Zhe?\” Youmei: \”Yes.\” Youma: \”If you want to play with them, do you have to ask your brother if he agrees first?\” Look at Youmei\’s shy look, \” It\’s okay, let\’s play with it.\” I almost said it out of my mouth – this is probably the \”courtesy\” that most parents would choose. But I know very well that if those words \”It\’s okay\” are spoken, the two children will lose an opportunity to grow up – Youmei will lose the opportunity to actively ask and fight for power; Zhe will lose the opportunity to choose to agree or practice refusal. . Finally, Youmei walked up to classmate Zhe and asked in a low voice: \”Brother, can I play with the toys on your shelf?\” Classmate Zhe was playing with his own Thomas, and agreed without even raising his head: \”Go ahead, my toys are mine today.\” You can play with everything.\” This answer is quite in line with his current age group – over 3 years old, he already knows the happiness brought by sharing, and is usually willing to play with his toys with his friends. But I did not forget to remind him of a question when he paused: \”Can we do better when talking to sister Youyou just now?\” He didn\’t understand, so I reminded him: \”For example, mom is talking to you now. , will look at you, this is more polite.\” The child is very cute. When he realized that he was not doing well enough, he ran over again, looked directly at Youmei and said once: \”You can use all my toys. Play.\” Classmate Zhe built his own house using magnetic sheets, and Youmei wandered over and stepped on Classmate Zhe\’s \”house\”. Classmate Zhe said loudly: \”Don\’t step on my house.\” Youma and I looked at each other, but neither of us intervened. Youmei didn\’t take classmate Zhe\’s warning to heart, she just wanted her brother to play with her. Again she came close and trampled all the houses down. Classmate Zhe’s voice was an octave higher: “Don’t step on my house!” I realized that he was about to get angry. To prevent the conflict from escalating, I stood in front of him when he was about to throw the magnet at Youmei: \”Mom, can we build a new house with you?\” Youma also grabbed Youmei and told Youmei that this behavior would make the children very angry, and asked Youmei to apologize to classmate Zhe. I didn\’t lose face and said, \”No, I\’m just a kid.\”Fighting is normal. \”Because I know that doing this will only send a message to Youmei: it is okay for children to make mistakes without apologizing. Youmei also realized that Brother Zhe was really angry. She picked up the scattered things on the floor. Magnetic film, said to classmate Zhe: \”Brother, I\’m sorry, I will help you build the house. It only took a few seconds for Classmate Zhe, who accepted the apology, to change his expression from gloomy to clear, and said, \”It doesn\’t matter, who made you my good friend?\” \” Before leaving, Youmei may have been too tired from playing and was acting a bit. She didn\’t want to put on her own shoes, so she pestered her mother to help. Another friend advised: \”She is still a child, so don\’t compete with her. \”But Youyou\’s mother insisted on her own principles and asked Youyou to sit on the shoe bench and put on her shoes. She did her own thing. If we take care of everything for her now and wait until she goes to kindergarten, she won\’t be able to handle her own eating, drinking, and diarrhea, and she will suffer. Children, not us. As I write this, I think of a Japanese mother and daughter who have recently become popular in the circle of friends – Chie suffered from cancer. Before her death, she asked her four or five-year-old daughter to learn to cook and do housework; her mother Chie\’s words: \”I I have no money, no power, no status, and I have no idea what to leave to my daughter before I die. I can only teach her to cook and do housework, so that she can live a good life every day, even if she is alone.\” It touched everyone who knew their story. Some strange voices also came out: Such a small child is so pitiful; why did her father do nothing? It is obviously irresponsible to give birth to a child even though he knew he was sick… But We raise our children and watch them grow up from a little kid. They can sit, walk, run, go to school, work, and start a family… Don’t we just hope that they can live independently one day? From this perspective , Qianhui is very wise: we can love, but not spoil; we hope to protect our children from wind and rain, but after all, we cannot accompany them for life. Only independence can a child have the capital to survive. Therefore, as a mother, be rational Give children the opportunity to experience the complexity of this world, while others can just be silent bystanders.