A must see! Do you know the benefits of children\’s \”rebellion\”?

For many parents, the simplest definition of child rebellion is: going against their parents. Parents want their children to look good, but they wear unconventional clothes with holes, or even cut a few more holes themselves to satisfy them. Parents want their children to study hard, but they just don\’t work hard. They sleep in class and surf the Internet after class. Parents want their children to be good people, but they want to hang out with troubled teenagers and hang out all day long. Parents want their children to live a regular life, but they go to bed late, get up late, and eat every meal when they are hungry. What does rebellion mean to children? In fact, in the hearts of children, there is no such word as rebellion. The so-called rebellion is just wishful thinking on the part of adults, who take a lot of the blame for their children\’s behaviors that parents cannot understand. For children, it is just a sign of their growth and a perfectly normal behavior. ▼Can you distinguish between \”rebellious behavior\” and \”rebellious period\”? First, we need to clarify two concepts, the so-called rebellious behavior and the rebellious period. At every stage of life, various rebellious behaviors will appear at any time, and the occurrence of rebellious behaviors does not mean that we are in a rebellious stage. Children\’s so-called rebellious behavior is the same as that of adults. They want to emphasize their opinions, gain respect, or express some kind of dissatisfaction. The rebellious period refers to when children grow to a certain stage and focus on expressing their independence and abilities, showing their own value by competing with the surrounding environment. From childhood to adulthood, children will go through three more obvious rebellious periods. ▼2-4 years old: In the budding period of self-awareness, children in this period will often use \”hitting\” to express their disagreement; verbally, they begin to say \”no\”, everything is \”no\”, and whether they do or not do anything matters. It\’s \”no\”. Why do children behave like this? This is the period of budding self-awareness, when children are gradually forming their own ideas. At the same time, they have very little vocabulary and cannot accurately express their inner world for the time being. When parents cannot understand what their children are saying, the children will inevitably become emotional and seem rebellious. In addition, children in this period have a kind of game mentality, and they find things fun when adults stop them. For example, the mother said: \”The socket is dangerous, don\’t touch it.\” But some children want to poke it with their hands to see what happens. He doesn\’t have to go against his parents, he just wants to explore the unknown world. When dealing with children at this stage, parents do not need to be reasonable, let alone use force. Children have limited understanding and cannot fully understand adult language. If it doesn\’t make sense, the parents will become even more angry. Compared with reasoning, a better way is to accept and guide. Calm down first, listen to what the child wants to say, and then use some tricks to solve the problem. Diversion is a good idea. For example, a three-year-old child wants to eat chocolate at night, but it is already dark and there is no way to buy it. At this time, parents can imagine with their children: We want to buy a large piece of chocolate, many, many chocolates, chocolates of various flavors… This opens up the imagination, and when you see your children after a while, they will basically forget to buy chocolates. . You can also provide your child with two options. For example, instead of ordering their children: \”Don\’t put your shoes on the bed,\” parents might as well change it to: \”You canPlace your shoes next to your bed or on a shoe rack. \”Before going to bed, the choice given by parents can be: \”Should we go to bed now, or should we go to bed in five minutes? \”This has two advantages: on the one hand, the choices given by parents have been screened and are acceptable to them; on the other hand, children will not feel controlled, and on the contrary, it can help children develop the ability to make independent choices. ▼7-9 years old: Children at this time of quasi-adult age are about the second or third grade of elementary school. Sudden changes in temperament and strong rebellious psychology are common phenomena at this stage. Children have learned a lot of knowledge after entering school and are eager to It proves that he has grown up, so he will start to demand independence and want to get out of the control of his parents. The child chats with his friends on the way to school, lingers on not going home, or runs out to play wildly after eating. . Many parents saw this and went crazy in their hearts – the study plan designed for their children was just ruined. So the parents kept their children at home to do homework, or they were not allowed to watch TV, surf the Internet, or play with mobile phones… As a result, Children have no choice but to stay at home reluctantly, but they feel that they have no freedom, and learning is just a formality. How many children play while doing homework, have scrawled handwriting, and often make mistakes? Because they spend all their energy fighting against their parents. What can parents do about this? First, they can try to change the mode of interaction with their children and ask them why they do this. You may find that your children’s crazy play is not useless, and they have learned how to interact with them. Communicating with friends of different personalities, how to negotiate with others, establish and abide by rules, and how to consider issues from others\’ perspectives… these are the only way for children to adapt to society. Many parents take over their children\’s learning and formulate All kinds of norms are required for children to abide by. In this way, learning becomes completely the parents\’ business and has nothing to do with the children, and the children will become less and less proactive. In fact, parents might as well be lazy. For example, guide children to do time cost calculations and let children Understand that the less time he spends on studying, the more time he spends on playing, and help the child achieve the purpose of playing more by improving efficiency. Slowly, the child can manage himself and feel a certain degree of freedom ▼After 10 years old: The period when Mars hits the earth. Among various rebellious periods, the most troublesome for parents is adolescent rebellion. The age group of adolescence, according to the World Health Organization, is 10-20 years old. At this time, the child\’s three views are beginning to develop. In the formative stage, the world in the eyes of children may be completely different from the world in the eyes of their parents. Parents say go east, but children insist on going west; they don’t tell their parents anything, close the door when they get home, and hide in their own hut. Mysterious; addicted to games, staying up late to read online novels, chatting with classmates on WeChat until late at night every day; not being able to listen to criticism, getting angry every time I say it, just like a cat… In short, doing all kinds of things that are not serious in the eyes of parents. In order not to be angry Death, let’s take a look at the significance of rebellion in adolescence to children. Rebellion is a manifestation of physiological maturity and improvement of cognitive abilities. An important feature of adolescence is the maturity of physiological development and improvement of cognitive abilities. The emergence of rebellion requires Based on these two. Rebellion explains the child’s physiologicalWhen you mature and become smarter, you have the capital to rebel against your parents. Thinking about it this way, as a parent, are you happier? Rebellion is a need for personality growth. Rebellion is a way for children to explore themselves and understand \”who I am\”, \”what I want\” and \”what I am good at\” through differences with others, and ultimately form a unified personality. This is the most important task of adolescence. If children have always been well-behaved and obeyed their parents, they would have to worry about them, because such children often lack independent opinions and become mediocre when they grow up. Rebellion is a way to release stress. Adolescent children have matured physically and feel that they are strong, but they are not yet mature mentally and often encounter setbacks. In the conflict between body and mind, girls often become introverted and experience emotions such as self-doubt, guilt, or depression, while boys are more likely to experience irritability and anger. So rebellion has become a way for them to vent their bad emotions and release the pressure of growth. ▼Rebellion is an adjustment to interpersonal relationships. During this period, children begin to seek support from peers. The specific manifestations are: good face, strong self-esteem; attaching importance to friendships, being easily influenced by friends, and may do some things that you don’t like but your friends agree with, such as smoking, drinking, falling in love… For children, this is a symbol of adulthood. , which means they get rid of their dependence on their parents. It also means that adolescent children will face some dangers, such as violence, early pregnancy, alcoholism, crime, etc. So what can parents do? Some parents worry excessively about the dangers their children may face. In fact, most children get through this special period successfully, and we can trust our children to have this ability. In addition to trust, you can also say less. When they try and fail, just let them know that their parents are always there. Children are not stupid, and silent support makes them feel much better than constantly nagging \”I told you not to do XXX\”. Some parents will say: \”Isn\’t it because of you that I work so hard? Can\’t you be more sensible when you are so old?\” The children respond to such complaints with one sentence: \”It\’s not me who wanted to be born.\” The parents are still angry to death. . Indeed, parents pay a lot for their families. However, to make children sensible, you can change the way of communication. If children are allowed to participate more in the discussion and decision-making of family affairs and listen to their opinions, they can develop their sense of family responsibility. Parents talking to their children about their work will also awaken their understanding of their parents, and they should do their own things seriously, such as doing some housework, and try not to let their parents worry. Children in the rebellious period are like hedgehogs, covered with thorns that prohibit their parents from getting close, but in fact, their hearts are weaker than ever, eager to gain respect and love. If parents can see growth from rebellion and gain their approval, their children may not be so rebellious, at least not to a deeper degree. From the perspective of a child\’s lifelong development, rebellion is actually a good start.