Besides yelling, is there any other way to make children obedient?

One thing that gives many parents a headache is that sometimes when faced with a disobedient child, the only way you have left is to yell at him. For example, some children must eat or play on the computer before going to bed. If their parents do not agree, they will start crying or even lie on the ground unable to get up. Sometimes there is no point in trying to reason with a crying child. If a parent cannot get their child to obey despite all their efforts, the parent may explode with anger and start yelling at the child. In fact, according to a study published in The Journal of Marriage and Family, 89% of parents yell at their children. But after venting their temper, parents may start to feel regretful and guilty again, regretting how rude they were to their children just now. For children, parents\’ roaring can also cause quite a psychological impact. Best-selling author and counselor Alyson Schafer says that if you frequently use yelling as your discipline method, your child\’s self-esteem and sense of security will be undermined. \”If you just yell occasionally, it won\’t affect your child that much,\” says counselor Jim Hutt, Ph.D. But trying to get children to behave in this way may be a bit fanciful. When a parent starts yelling, it is seen as very scary to the child, triggering their \”fight or flight\” response and causing them to abandon rational thinking. Dr. Hutt explains: \”When you yell at your child, he actually stops receiving and processing information, which is equivalent to closing the \’door\’ to you. If you want to reason with your child, tell him why he did what he did. No, you must not yell.\” In addition, if you yell at your children, your children will follow your example and express their emotions by yelling the next time they are upset. Dr. Hutt says, \”If you spank your children, they will spank others in the future. If you yell at your children, they will yell at others in the future. If you communicate with your children calmly, they will learn to communicate calmly with others.\” Of course. , no matter how patient parents are, sometimes their children will inevitably make them anxious and angry. If you accidentally yell at your child, the most important thing to do is to apologize immediately and admit that you shouldn\’t have done it. Dr. Hutt believes: \”Parents cannot be inconsistent with their words and deeds, and they must apologize when they make mistakes.\” If parents can know what kind of situation they can\’t stand the most, they will be able to better manage their behavior the next time they encounter the same situation. mood. For example, the following types of situations often make parents angry and their corresponding solutions: Show your authority Scenario simulation: Your daughter must want to eat fried chicken for breakfast, but you refuse. Your daughter asks you why you can\’t eat it, and you tell her it\’s not healthy. But she retorted, You ate fried chicken last week too. You feel embarrassed and unable to refute, and then the situation escalates into a shouting match. In this situation, your child is challenging your authority—doing something you don\’t approve of or questioning you, which can leave you feeling helpless. Sometimes you express yourself by yellingown authority and try to control the situation. The child also wants to gain the upper hand by yelling. In fact, yelling became a way for both of you to assert dominance. Solution: Never let an argument escalate into a yelling match. Don’t get hung up on “winning or losing” in an argument, but give up the confrontation with your child and work with your child to find a reasonable solution. For example, you can first express your attitude (\”We won\’t eat fried chicken for breakfast this morning\”), and then provide your child with some choices (\”But we have yogurt and burritos at home, do you want to eat them?\”). By giving your child a choice, you make her feel like she has some control over the situation. If this doesn\’t work, you can use humor to resolve the awkwardness (\”Professor Du is not visiting our house today, so we didn\’t prepare fried chicken\”). This can help your child relax, forget about their original obsession, and accept your point of view. . Rush scenario simulation: The biggest headache for many parents is getting their children up to go to school. Sometimes children just don\’t listen to you and ignore you on purpose. Sometimes you are already dressed and waiting at the door, but they are still playing hide and seek with you. Finally you couldn\’t bear it anymore and started yelling. In this case, you are in a hurry and don\’t have the energy to reason with your child, but the child just doesn\’t take your words seriously. You will feel ignored and out of control. How to fix it: Your child may not realize how serious the consequences of being late are. But repeating it over and over again is not the solution. Dr. Hutt suggested that it is best to tell the child once, then stop nagging, and let the child experience the consequences of not having a sense of time. You can say, \”We\’ll leave in 10 minutes. You\’d better start getting dressed right away.\” If the child ignores you, you can carry him in his pajamas into the car so that he will behave well next time. Simulation of a quarrel between children: You drive your two children to school in your car. The older one deliberately made the younger one angry. Then the two kids started fighting. At this time, your temper also rose and you started yelling at the two children. No matter who started the dispute, it can seem difficult to be a fair judge, especially when you\’re busy (like driving). How to solve the problem: If the children are already \”heated\”, yelling at them will often add fuel to the fire and will only escalate the problem. You can pull over first and tell them, \”If you don\’t make up, I won\’t drive and we can\’t go anywhere.\” Then you can pretend to look at your phone, send text messages, and wait for your child to calm down. This way, children learn that you don\’t take sides and that the only way to resolve a problem is to give up the argument. Scenario simulation of the child not understanding your words: The child is watching TV, and you want him to go back to his room immediately to do his homework, then clean the house, take a bath, and then go to bed. The child was watching TV with great interest. You gave him a long list of instructions, and the child was a little confused. The more you think about it, the angrier you become. You think your child is deliberately disobedient, ignoring you, and not taking you seriously, but in fact you just overestimate your child\’s understanding. If your language is complex and your instructions are not clear, your childIt\’s easy to get confused by you. Solution: Psychological counselor Dr. Linda Reddy believes that when giving instructions to children, the steps need to be stated clearly, and the words should be as clear and concise as possible. Actions that go beyond 3 steps (such as \”go up the stairs, put away the toys, brush your teeth, then change clothes\”) may not be easy for children to understand and remember. Also, try not to adopt a threatening or begging tone towards your child. You can do this: stare into your child\’s eyes, call his name gently, pause for a while, then give a 2-step instruction, and finally say: \”Right away!\” For example: \”Baby, go upstairs, and then brush your teeth. Right now!\” \”Next, you can wait 15-18 seconds to see what happens to the child. If the child follows the instructions, you can praise him immediately. If the child does not act, you can repeat it calmly. No matter what, in any case, only when children feel that their parents listen to and understand them, what you say will reach their ears, and they will treat others in the same way in the future.