When the boss and the second child are fighting, use this method to resolve the dispute, which is pleasant and does not hurt the brotherhood.

When a family has two children, one of the biggest headaches for mothers is that the eldest and the second child keep quarreling or fighting. The palms and backs of the hands are full of flesh, and any mother feels distressed if they are beaten, and it is inappropriate to criticize anyone. Although our two sisters are 7 years apart in age, they still quarrel and fight countless times every day. Sometimes I hear the younger one crying and the older one yelling. I look at the pool of dishes waiting to be washed, think about the basin full of dirty clothes, and look back to see The living room was a mess… I had to take deep breaths countless times before I could give up the idea of ​​leaving the house and go out for a while, and then I could resist the urge to yell at my two children. To mediate the disputes between them fairly and impartially, one needs to be calm, not shouting, and more importantly, a battle of wits and courage. That day Xiao Xi and Xiao Nuo had another battle of the century. As a result, her sister Xiao Nuo burst into tears and came running to complain: \”Mom, sister kicked me! Uh! Hit me! Uh!\” She was already hiccupping from crying. I can’t tell clearly. Xiao Xi stood by and glared angrily at her sister, holding a damaged pen in her hand. I turned off the fire on the stove, opened the sliding door of the kitchen and walked out. Seeing this situation, I was really overwhelmed and exhausted. I found a small stool and sat down, and said to myself in my heart: \”Don\’t be angry! Don\’t be angry! Don\’t be angry!\” Then I called the two sisters over: \”I am a judge now. Please tell me what happened. I\’m here to resolve the case and uphold justice!\” My younger sister was still hiccupping and couldn\’t express herself well, so my elder sister spoke first: \”She was watching TV very close by. I told her to step back but she didn\’t listen, so I pulled her, trying to pull her away. When we got to the sofa, she shook off my hand and I turned off the TV. Then she started crying and broke my pen.\” When the elder sister was talking, the younger sister had stopped crying and was listening to her attentively. She told her story, and wanted to interrupt several times to explain something. I raised my index finger towards her and said: \”Shh! It\’s not your turn to speak yet, please wait a moment.\” I pretended to be a judge and said to my sister calmly: \”It\’s over. Do you have anything else to say?\” My sister thought for a while and added: \”She broke my pen and accused me of kicking her. That\’s it.\” I turned to my sister: \”It\’s your turn now.\” My sister recalled with a serious face: \”I was watching TV very close, and my sister told me to step back. I wanted to go to the sofa by myself without her pulling me, so she turned off my TV. That was my fault. Cartoons that are easy to find (we use IPTV at home, and you have to press many buttons to find designated cartoons), ugh~~~\” She pursed her lips and was about to cry again. I quickly reminded her that I am a judge now, not a mother. She wiped her eyes quickly and continued: \”I dropped my sister\’s pen, and then she hit me 20 times and kicked me 20 times…\” My sister tried to interrupt to defend herself, and I also raised my index finger at her. : \”Shh! Now it\’s my sister\’s turn to talk.\” \”Where did she hit? Where did she kick?\” I asked my sister calmly. My sister stretched out her little hand to show me and said she slapped her palm. I then asked her sister what she used to hit and what she used to kick. Sister: \”Hit with your hands, kick with your hands!\” My sister resisted interrupting, pointed her finger at my sister, looked at me with an exaggerated expression, and mouthed \”Use your hands.\”Kick! I ignored my sister and asked her: \”How many times did she hit her with her hand?\” \”My sister whispered: \”Three times. \”I stopped the two sisters from arguing and quarreling, reminded them to only tell the facts, and asked them if they had anything to add. I told my sister that kicking is done with feet, and hitting is done with hands. Then I briefly recounted what happened and asked the sisters Is what I said correct? Is there anything that needs to be added? After they added some details piecemeal, they both agreed with what I recounted. By this time, the two sisters\’ emotions had completely calmed down, and even I participated in this \”game\” with great interest. Finally, when the \”judge\” decided the case, I first made the following \”judgment\” regarding my sister\’s behavior: 1) My sister reminded my sister to protect her eyes and stay away from the TV. This is worthy of praise. I Together with my sister, I gave her a thumbs up and said: You did the right thing! 2) My sister hit my sister on her little hand. This was definitely wrong, so my sister and I glared at her for 3 seconds. The two sisters heard the punishment I announced. After doing this, everyone laughed in unison, and then my sister and I stared at my sister very happily. I made the following judgment on my sister: my sister broke my sister\’s pen and must be stared at by my sister and me for 3 seconds; my sister insulted my sister and kicked her. The number of times I hit her was exaggerated, and she was stared at for another 3 seconds. When my sister and I glared at my sister for the second time, her face had changed and she looked like she was about to cry. In order to appease her In order to encourage her to learn to control her temper next time, my sister and I gave her thumbs up and said: Come on! This made her smile. Finally , I suggested that the three of us should cross hands and shake hands as a sign of peace. The two sisters shook hands happily for a long time. Before going to bed that night, my sister said to me: \”Mom, I really enjoyed the \’Judge Game\’ we played today. Let\’s continue playing tomorrow. \”From then on, when the two sisters had a quarrel or fight, they would immediately come to me to administer justice. I would always say with a serious face that I am the judge, and they would quickly quiet down and start preparing their statements. Sometimes, they would argue over who would speak first. It was a \”rock, paper, scissors\” experience. After a few days, the two sisters were able to abide by the rules very well. They would not interrupt each other when making statements, and would raise their hands to express their opinions. This incident made me very emotional: Raising children It is a battle of wits and courage, which is both labor-intensive and heart-breaking. Many times there are no clear rules that can be implemented. We need to be tolerant with love and resolve with patience. As the saying goes, it is difficult for an upright official to deal with household chores. The daily life between the second child is full of It was filled with laughter and trivial fights and quarrels. As parents, we can only focus on the big and let go of the small. As long as the general direction is good, it is impossible to get the small details right. Many times they are just muddled. Think carefully. Think about it, the \”Judge Game\” has many benefits: 1) It can exercise children\’s expression skills. In order for the \”Judge\” to judge that they are justified, the sisters must try to describe the incident in an organized manner, concisely and concisely, and focus on the key points. This After playing the game several times, the organization of my sister\’s statements has improved significantly. 2) Let the children focus on the event itself, rather than the emotion. By asking the children to recall and narrate the events, it canTheir emotions calm down quickly and they focus on the matter itself and the performance of themselves and the other party in the conflict, rather than clinging to anger or angry emotions. 3) Let children learn to put themselves in others’ perspective and straighten out the cause-and-effect relationships. Listening to the other party’s statement can help children learn to put themselves in others’ perspective, consider the problem from the other party’s perspective, understand the reasons for the other party’s behavior, and straighten out the cause-and-effect relationships. For example, one time, when my younger sister was about to take a nap, my elder sister lay on her bed and pretended to be asleep. My younger sister slapped her with her clothes more than ten times before she fought back angrily. Afterwards, my sister stated: \”I saw my sister was asleep, so I thought I could only wake her up…\” After hearing this, my sister couldn\’t help laughing and understood why her sister slapped her. 4) Let the children learn to wait quietly for the \”judge\” to make a statement, and the other party cannot interrupt. As a result, they learned to wait patiently, and they also learned to keep their own opinions in mind and not to be led away by the other party\’s ideas. 5) Let children learn to control their emotions because children are not facing \”mother\”, but \”judge\”. What they can do is not to act like a spoiled brat, but to seriously state what happened and their own opinions, so they Often able to control one\’s emotions quickly. 6) Mom’s emotions are not easily out of control. Pretending to be a “judge” allows me to jump out of the role of “mom” and keep a calm mind. I don’t criticize whether the words and deeds of the sisters are appropriate or whether they are friendly. This can maximize the Prevent my emotions from spiraling out of control. 7) It can quickly resolve children’s knots without hurting the feelings of siblings. Home is a place for talking about love and affection, not a place for reasoning. Therefore, it is not important how the \”judge\” rules in the end. What is important is that in this way, the children\’s attention can be quickly diverted and their conflicts and contradictions can be transferred to the game. After I finished the ruling that day, my sister asked to play the \”game\” again. After I refused, the two sisters hid in the room and discussed: How about we fight again, so that we can play the \”judge game\” again… … When playing the \”judge game\”, we must be calm, not bring too much personal emotion, and strive to play the role of judge well. The more we act like judges, the sooner our children will calm down. We should try our best to be impartial, \”enforce the law impartially\”, and provide appropriate rewards and punishments so that children can understand the basic right and wrong. At the same time, pay attention to observing and comforting the children\’s emotions, and do not criticize one of them. \”Judge Game\” was an idea that I came up with. It is not a carefully designed product, and there must be many shortcomings in it. I share it, not to say that it is worthy of everyone copying it, but just because it can serve as a source of inspiration. I hope everyone can have more \”insights\” to deal with the trivial details in life that are constantly being cut and sorted out.