Learn from your children – boundaries

There is a saying: It is mother and son who can depend on each other; it is you and I who can be independent. There is also a saying: We are you and I, we can be independent; we are husband and wife, we can depend on each other. It can be seen that this problem exists between husband and wife, between mother and child, between family members, even between friends, and between colleagues: Where is the boundary of getting along? Do both parties involved have the concept of boundaries? A person with a sense of boundaries is a measured person. Each of us comes into this world as an independent individual, and no one can live in the place of another. All opinions can only be suggestions. Only the neighbor who only smiles at you and says hello, but does not climb over the wall to \”guide\” your family\’s life, is a good neighbor. The baby was brought into this world by his mother. The baby knew it very early: the doctor made a cut on the mother\’s belly and took out the baby. Before, the baby hid in the mother\’s belly to feed, and then the baby held the mother to feed. But this cannot be the reason for the mother to control the baby. Besides, anyone who has taken care of a child knows that the baby is uncontrollable and has its own nature. The older the baby gets, the more thoughts there are. The little people are beginning to be dissatisfied with everything we have arranged for them. The baby’s mantra is: You said it cleverly, why not… At first, he can’t express it in words, only through actions. . Because he likes to watch cartoons and his grandfather likes to watch the news, he is always cautiously worried about his grandfather changing the channel. One time, he simply hid the TV remote control under the bed sheets. When asked, he nodded and asked him to take it out. He shook his head. Later, he agreed not to change the channel and just watch the children\’s channel. He immediately ran to take it out happily. Fortunately, he went to bed early and went to bed after watching it for a while. When he could express himself verbally, he slipped out: \”I want to watch cartoons, but you want to watch the meeting (News Broadcast). What\’s good to watch in the meeting? A group of old people sit there and talk.\” We answered him: \”But We have to watch the weather forecast, otherwise we don’t know whether it will rain tomorrow.” The little man thought about it and said, “Okay, I’ll show it to you after I finish watching this episode.” Then he kept his word, at 7:25 I handed back the remote control and went to read a book and go to sleep. He also sang while twisting his butt: The problem is solved like this… If you forcefully grab the remote control to change the channel, he will cry and become depressed. It is better for him to take the initiative to cooperate. One time I cried anxiously because of something that could not be solved. The baby wiped my tears and said: Mom, don\’t cry, baby is obedient. I hugged him and said: Mom is worried about other things, not crying because you are disobedient. You are very obedient. When you are young and ignorant, you will give your emotional buttons to the people around you. Once you feel left out, you will feel sad. Later I learned not to base my emotional and emotional needs blindly on the other person. If you are not so good, you just don’t love me. I have never said this, but frankly speaking, it has not crossed my mind. Now that I think about it, , it’s so childish and pitiful. Relatives and friends often encourage the baby: He should study hard and go to university well, and he should repay his mother! I would stop them and not say this to the children. My problems are my own problems, my life is my own life, and the child will also have his own life in the future. I can solve my difficulties by myself. I can’t let my child feel these pressures at such a young age. In the future, he can live a relaxed, self-reliant, confident, and happy life. I can’t dictate which university he must go to or how he can repay his mother. The baby is a particularly infatuated child. Every time someone gives him something delicious, he will stretch out his hand while eating: I\’ve eaten mine, where\’s my mother\’s? Once, his grandmother took him to a friend\’s house to play. The old lady gave him something to eat. Mom hasn\’t eaten yet. It made everyone so amused that some elderly people sighed: This child really knows how to love his mother. In the past, we were taught that if we pay, we will always get something. After being deceived for decades, I finally realized: in many things, there is no reward for giving, but as long as you give, there will be accumulation. The hard work of raising children is indescribable, and people who have never experienced it cannot understand it. However, only when both mother and child have a clear sense of boundaries can they gain greater happiness and joy. Because the role of force is mutual and spiritual satisfaction is two-way, distinguishing boundaries can help children cultivate the quality of accepting themselves and others, and appreciating themselves and others. This is much better than blindly wanting to control.