The child always asks: Mom, will you die? Finally I answered like this…

\”Mom, can you wait for me to die together?\” When my sister Xiaoxi was in kindergarten, one day she heard that a small animal died in a storybook, so she asked me: \”What is death?\” To be honest, this question is really real. It was difficult to answer, so I tried my best to explain to her in a way that she could understand and accept: \”To die is to lie there motionless, as if falling asleep, but never wake up again. I can’t eat, walk, or talk anymore.” Xiao Xi then asked me: “Then what?” I didn’t want to tell my child, “After that, there will be no more,” so I told her: When people die, they go to the sky to become stars. \”Go and be a star in the sky\” is a comfort to the children, making them feel that their loved ones have not completely disappeared, but are just accompanying them in a different way. Xiaoxi didn\’t seem to be bothered by this issue at that time, but for a long time, she repeatedly raised topics related to death, such as: \”Mom, will you die too?\” and \”When will you die?\” , \”Will you still love me when you become a star?\”, \”Will you stop caring about me after you die?\” Finally, Xiaoxi asked me: \”Mom, will you die before me?\” I answered her yes. , and she started crying! The mother always exists in the child\’s consciousness. She couldn\’t accept that one day, her mother would abandon her and go away, leaving her alone in this world. She couldn\’t imagine how she would face this strange world after losing her mother\’s company. I spent a lot of effort to appease Xiao Xi and assured her that I would try my best to die later and guarantee that I could stay with her for a long, long time. Xiaoxi asked me: \”How can I live longer?\” I thought about it and said: \”Go to bed early and get up early, exercise, and eat nutritious and healthy food.\” When I said these words, she and I were lying on the bed getting ready for a nap. After hearing what I said, Xiaoxi immediately asked me to get up and exercise, so I did a few sit-ups. Then she confirmed with me: \”Will you be able to live for a long time in this way?\” I say yes. She asked me again: \”Mom, can you wait for me to die together?\” I thought for a while and said, \”Okay, I\’ll wait for you.\” After hearing these words, Xiao Xi jumped up on the bed with excitement, raised her hands repeatedly, and kept cheering: \”Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!\” Children, like us, are not afraid of death itself, but of being killed. abandoned. When the mother dies, for the child, it is a sense of abandonment. \”Mom, are you about to die?\” A few years later, my sister Xiaonuo was also three or four years old. We talked about my grandmother during a casual chat. Xiaonuo asked me if I had a grandmother, and I said of course. She asked again: \”Where is your grandma?\” I told her that my grandma was dead. She asked curiously: \”What does dead mean?\” I said: \”Dead means that a person leaves him alone. Family and friends bid farewell to this world and will never come back.\” It was very similar to her sister\’s situation back then. Although Xiao Nuo only asked a few questions at the time, the matter did not stop there. In the following period, she asked several questions related to this. For example, one day she asked me: \”Mom, will you die in the future?\” I answered her calmly: \”Yes, everyone will die.\”She hugged my legs and sobbed: \”I don\’t want you to die! Mom doesn\’t want to die!\” I comforted her and said, \”Mom won\’t die so soon. It will take a long, long time. I have to wait for you to grow up and be bigger than me now.\” Mom will die when she grows up.\” In the eyes of the child, mom is an indomitable adult. There is a long distance between her and me. It will be a long time before she grows older than mom, so she is temporarily relieved. But she would still check with me from time to time: \”Mom, are you old?\” or \”Mom, are you dying?\” She needs me to tell her repeatedly: I am not old yet, and I am not dying so soon. Relieve. Misunderstandings in answering the question of \”death\” Almost every child will ask their parents questions about death when they grow up, such as: \”What does death mean?\”, \”Why do people die?\”, \”Will I die?\” \”, \”Will mom die?\” and so on. The difficulty of answering the topic of \”death\” can be compared with the difficulty of answering the topic of \”sex\”: both questions are very important, and neither can say too much, nor say too little, nor not say it or lie. However, in real life, some parents deceive their children. For example, when a child asks: \”Mom, will you die in the future?\” Some parents worry that telling the truth will affect their children\’s sense of security, so they use deception: \”Mom, don\’t you?\” If you will die, your mother will always be with you.\” This will give the child the illusion that death can be refused and avoided, resulting in the child being unable to calmly face the inevitable deaths in life, such as the death of vegetation, pets or relatives. passed away. He may be overly sad and even blame himself, thinking that the death of his pet or loved one was due to his own mistakes. Some parents often avoid talking about the topic of \”death\” when their children ask about it, either forcibly diverting their children\’s attention, or perfunctory: \”You will understand when you grow up.\” Some people even think it is unlucky for a child to ask such a question, so they scold the child. Although this can prevent parents from falling into unclear embarrassment, the child\’s problem is not solved, and he does not find the answer in his heart. Most children will become interested in the topic of \”death\” around the age of 4, and have direct or indirect experiences in life, such as plants or animals dying. If parents avoid the topic of death, they will suppress their children\’s natural life experiences and feelings. If children cannot receive correct guidance, they will easily have a wrong understanding of death, which will lead to negative emotions and far-reaching consequences. How to answer the question of \”death\”? When a child becomes interested in the question of \”death\”, we must give a \”just right\” answer based on the child\’s age, understanding and psychological acceptance. We should neither be perfunctory nor talk too much or be too specific. Master some methods and techniques. 1. Handling methods at different ages. Before the age of 3, children basically have no concept of \”death\”. He may think that death is the difference between \”here\” and \”not here\”. We can use games or short stories to give children a superficial understanding of \”death\”. Intimate physical contact is very important for children at this stage and will bring them a sense of security, soDon’t forget to touch and hug your child more. For children aged 3 to 6 years old and in kindergarten, their anxiety about death is short-lived and will occur again and again. Children at this stage begin to fear being abandoned. We need to provide children with continuous physical contact, repeated reassurances and gentle teachings. Parents also need to tell their children that death is a very dangerous and irreversible thing, and they must cultivate their children\’s safety awareness. For children aged 7-13, primary school students, when faced with issues about death, we should let them understand that death is a natural process from a scientific perspective. Use picture books and stories as opportunities: For young children, we can use picture books, fairy tales and other media to help them understand that death is a natural process. Qingming Festival: This is the best time to let children understand death. You can take them to visit the graves of their ancestors and tell them that this is the living person expressing their grief. You can also read relevant poems to your children, or talk about the different customs and habits of Qingming Festival in various places. Subtly, children can slowly understand the meaning of death. Pet death: Many people have pets at home, such as cats, dogs, goldfish, hamsters, rabbits or turtles, etc. The death of a pet may be the first time a child faces this problem. We must understand and accept the child\’s sadness, allow the child to vent it through crying, etc. We can also accompany the child to find some ways to dilute the sadness, such as burying the bodies of small animals together. The attitude of parents is crucial. Even adults will have worries, anxiety and fear about death. When children ask questions about death, our attitude in answering the questions is more important than the content of the answer. If we are calm, not nervous, panicked, or evasive, the child will also become calm, and he will understand that this is a natural process. On the contrary, if our attitude is evasive and even makes children feel our worries and fears, children will think that death is a terrible thing. Never describe heaven too beautifully. In order to reassure their children, some parents will tell their children that their dead pets or deceased relatives have gone to heaven. There is nothing wrong with saying this in itself, but some parents will describe heaven as a peaceful and blissful world. Little do they know that this is actually very dangerous. Young children may miss their deceased relatives or beloved pets and want to find them in a \”beautiful paradise\”. In fact, there is no standard answer on how to answer children\’s questions about death. As long as parents truly start from the child\’s perspective and take into account his inner feelings and acceptance ability, they can find an answer that suits their children.