Are you still telling your children, \”If you don\’t obey me, I won\’t let you go anymore\”? Never!

A few days ago, I read an article by a friend, \”I won\’t like you if you don\’t obey me\” – Are you still emotionally kidnapping your child? I thought to myself at the time, how could it be such a small case of \”dislike\”? My mother still They always say, \”If you don\’t obey me, I won\’t let you go.\” When I went home to visit my grave, a relative\’s son was playing in our house. He was too naughty and mischievous. Seeing that she couldn\’t control him anymore, my mother said, \”If you don\’t obey me, your parents will not want you anymore!\” Who would have thought that the child would become even more of a devil. I was very angry at the time, angry with my mother. Can a little mischief cause my parents not to have a child? Let’s not talk about whether it is logical or unreasonable. After all, children don’t care about logic. But that has to be hurtful. I have suffered from this sentence since I was a child. I remember when I was in the second grade of elementary school, I once made my mother angry. After scolding me, she left home. Haven\’t come back for an hour. Usually, whenever we disobey, my mother will scare us siblings, saying that she doesn’t want us anymore and that she will fly away. This fear shrouded my entire childhood like a dark cloud. I was so frightened that I borrowed a bicycle from my neighbor and looked for her everywhere, in factories, markets, and fields, and finally saw her from a distance in Tianji. I stood holding on to the bicycle, gasping for air, for about 10 minutes. After making sure that a peasant woman who was planting sweet potatoes with a hoe would not abandon her husband and son, I quietly turned around and went home. It was late autumn, and there was still a trace of orange-red afterglow in the sky after 5 o\’clock in the afternoon. The fog began to cover the sky. I rode my bicycle against the wind, and the ugly and wide polyester school uniform was blown into a bulging ball. My heart feels warm and quite cold at the same time. This may be one of the reasons why I have been away from home for many years. I often fall into the fear of losing, so that since I was a sensitive and worried child, I have always been insecure and dare not love deeply. I would rather stay away than dare to dig out my heart and lungs. Of course, I can\’t blame my mother entirely. Why don\’t I understand that back then, my parents were busy supporting the family, and they were lucky enough to have meat to eat and books to read. How could they have the time and energy to study child psychology? This kind of thing was called \” \”The leisure and awareness that comes from eating well\”, I am afraid that our generation has not yet been able to fully achieve it. A sister in the next room has also been troubled by this problem. Her son is 12 years old this year, but he still cannot sleep alone. After the child finally stopped wetting the bed at the age of 10, she and her husband decided to let the child try to sleep on his own to cultivate independence. However, two years later, seven days a week, my son would go to their room in the middle of the night to sleep with them, sometimes because of nightmares, sometimes because of insomnia. I suggested that she consult a psychiatrist with her children. She shook her head and said that they had seen a doctor a few years ago when they realized something was wrong. Later, the root cause was found, but the doctor said that the child already had psychological shadow, and it would take time to slowly develop trust and security in us. It turned out that when the child was 4 years old, on the way home, the child kept making a fuss. She and her husband angrily told him, \”If you don\’t obey, we won\’t want you anymore.\” After that, the two of them rode away on their motorcycles. Although he just hid at the corner of the previous street, the child thought that his parents really didn\’t want him anymore, so he cried heartbreakingly. In order to let the childHaving learned their lesson, they waited another 5 minutes before returning to their child. You are so cruel! I couldn\’t help but exclaimed. In fact, I really wanted to slap them in the face to wake them up! The 4-year-old child, abandoned by his parents, collapsed and cried helplessly. Even if it is a strange child, we will feel extremely distressed when we see it. How could the biological parents bear to hide in the dark for 5 minutes? ! I have met this sister\’s son several times. He has fair and tender skin and handsome features. He is very shy when meeting strangers and is not sociable. I heard that he usually does not want to share toys or play with classmates, so Not a single close friend. After listening to this sister\’s words, I didn\’t wonder why such a good-looking little boy didn\’t even have friends. Saying the words \”I don\’t want you anymore\” is enough to pierce the heart of a 4-year-old child. He can only watch his parents fly away, leaving him on a deserted road. Tears and crying are of no avail. Even his parents, who he can rely on the most, can no longer rely on him. Where does he get the sense of security and self-confidence? Not to mention the ability to withstand stress. I believe that my neighbor sister and the others are definitely not the only parents who treat their children in this way. Most of us advocate quick solutions to problems. When the child cries, just stuff a lollipop into it to stop crying. If the noise continues, give him a The IPAD will be quiet, act wild in public, say harsh words and slap the ears, and the ears will be clear… This can indeed quickly solve an urgent need, but it treats the symptoms rather than the root cause. We don\’t understand why the child cries? Why the noise? Why act wild? We thought it would be solved if we stopped crying and became quiet, but we are getting further and further away from our children. We did not squat down and ask them why, we did not listen to their ideas, we did not try to communicate with them in a peaceful manner, and we did not try to use equality. gesture to resolve it together with them. Why is it that when our children are still babies, even if they cry in the middle of the night, we will stay up all night without any complaints. As he grows older and his thoughts and emotions become more intense, what if he loses the patience of a first-time parent? Is it to blame that we live in this impetuous world? In fact, in the final analysis, we are too lazy and think that there are shortcuts to everything, including the growth of our children. Who knows that haste makes waste. From the babbling of children to the wise and wise people we are today, we have also come through constant exploration. We have also made countless idiots and made countless mistakes, both reasonable and unreasonable. We can understand our past selves, but why can’t we understand our children’s present? Nowadays, in kindergartens and primary schools, teachers assign homework, many of which are parent-child homework, so that parents can calm down and complete one thing with their children. In this process, communicate with the children, get along with the children, and build a bond of mutual trust with the children. Most children are sensitive, and their parents\’ every smile and every move affects their hearts. I have always believed that the process of raising a child is not only a process of embracing one\’s childhood self, but also a process of making peace with one\’s parents. When we were children, our parents were our world. As we grow older, our children are our world. although, the sentence \”If you don\’t obey me, I won\’t let you go\” is sometimes just an unintentional mistake, but in fact it also reflects the \”lazy\” and \”cheating\” behavior of most parents today. Do you still remember that Tian Liang \”won\” a lot of criticism after the first season of \”Where Are We Going, Dad\” premiered? Many netizens accused him of always standing up and scolding Sendie when she was crying, saying that he would \”take care of her\”, but he would never squat down to look at Sendie at eye level and communicate with the child on an equal footing. Tian Liang made a profound self-examination in later episodes of the show. Later we saw that Tian Liang was indeed a little more patient and attentive. Since big stars who are so busy that they even sleep by the minute can do it, we can do it too. The key is that you must really realize that \”I won\’t let you go if you don\’t obey me anymore\” is a sharp sword that hurts the relationship between you and your child. Not a shortcut. Although not all good native families can definitely raise successful children, a good native family can definitely raise healthy and happy children. I believe that as a parent, the healthy growth of your children is a great comfort. In this case, create a good psychological growth environment for your children, be more patient and attentive.