Where is the line between respecting children and doting on them?  Worth pondering for every parent

A mother posted on WeChat Moments, \”It\’s so difficult to be a mother these days. I respect my children, but my husband and mother-in-law accuse me of doting. Can someone please tell me what kind of love is doting?\” In fact, who has not been a parent? Such confusion? If you are strict, you are afraid that your children will become timid and fearful of getting into trouble. I feel relaxed, but I worry about being naughty and lawless. In love, I am afraid that if I hold you too tightly, I will be suffocated. In the beginning, I was the one who was often accused of spoiling my children. I remember that when I was in my hometown, my son often took naps with his grandma. One day, I was reading a book in my room. Suddenly I heard my son crying in the room opposite. You know he usually doesn\’t cry so much, so I went over to take a look. My mother leaned against the door and ignored him, leaving him crying and shouting in the room. When she saw me coming, she said, \”Why don\’t you take care of your son.\” When she went in, she saw him crying there with his bare buttocks. It turned out that I wet the bed during my nap. Grandma didn\’t hit him, but when she was changing his pants, he said he didn\’t want to wear the green pants. At this time, grandma got angry and said that she had the nerve to be picky before she even got spanked for peeing in her pants. While cursing, he was roped in, and now he was kicked out by himself and kicked to the ground. Cried into tears. I knew that he was actually bed-wetting, and he was not feeling well. He was afraid of being criticized and wanted to divert our attention, but grandma connected all the things and told him that he lost control of his emotions. When I went to hug him, he tried to kick me away. I sat next to him at a distance and told him, \”It doesn\’t matter if you wet the bed. Dad used to wet the bed a lot when he was a child, and he was spanked by your mother-in-law once. But when I grew up, it became okay and I never wet the bed again.\” After listening to me telling the story, my son\’s mood eased a little. \”Come on, tell me, why don\’t you wear these pants?\” \”It hurts, it\’s uncomfortable to wear.\” I lifted up his clothes and took a look. It was true that the elastic band of the pants was too tight and there was a mark. It turns out it\’s too tight. It\’s okay. Dad will give you a new one. Then he stopped making noise. My mother criticized me when she saw me looking for clothes in the cupboard. \”I just know how to spoil him. I\’ll see how you can control him in the future.\” I didn\’t say anything. Because I know that children need understanding and comfort at this time. If this is also doting, then I am willing to love him like this. There is a very touching story on Zhihu: A little boy was fascinated by the story. The story said that someone contributed a tablecloth to the king. If it was dirty, he did not need to wash it. He just burned it in the fire and it became clean. It turned out that the tablecloth was clean. It\’s made of asbestos. The little boy couldn\’t believe that there was cloth that could not be burned. In order to demonstrate to him, the boy\’s father, despite his mother\’s objections, dismantled the electric heating cup at home, took out the asbestos from it, and then put it on the gas stove to burn it for him to see. Sure enough, the piece of asbestos did not burn, but turned white. From then on, the little boy learned the fact that asbestos has a high ignition point. Twenty years later, his father asked him on the phone why he couldn\’t log in to QQ, how to download movies, why the monitor didn\’t light up, and why the computer was getting slower and slower. Whenever he was too lazy to answer, he would think of the piece of asbestos lying quietly on the gas stove that weekend twenty years ago. What would happen if such a story happened to me? Most parents will say, \”You are too young. In the future, you willSay it again\” or directly say: \”You can\’t do this, don\’t ask.\” Parents\’ attitudes often affect their children and sometimes leave a mark on them for life. Children will slowly get used to their parents\’ indifference and create a gap. When one day their parents are in a good mood, I just wanted to get close to my child. But I found that my child has long been used to time without you. I also want to send you a message: \”Go and play, I have something to do.\” \”If we must find a boundary between respect and doting. I think it is almost impossible, but we can still find reference points. I think there are two reference points to consider: whether parents respect their children or whether they are a \”child\”. In addition, when the child loses his temper or makes demands, whether it is because of limited ability or deliberate anger. This is actually a test for parents. Respect that the child is still a child, and it does not mean that \”the child is young and doesn\’t understand anything. Let\’s talk about it later.\” Let it go. Instead, you can consider the needs of the children from the perspective of the children. And with this foundation of understanding, can you understand whether it is the limitation of the child\’s ability, or deliberate anger? We have seen too many children ruined by spoiling. Children either have indulgent and unruly love. Or parents are controlled by their children and lose their principles and direction. In fact, many times, the small demands made by children are not excessive, they are their inner desires! Last time I read I read an article by a Taiwanese mom and mentioned the story of a family going to the beach to play. On the way home, the child lost the shell and cried. Because it was getting late, the mother did not want to \”pamper\” the child and turned back. I want my children to accept that “life is full of helplessness. \”But the father promised to accompany the child back to pick up shells again. At this time, the child beamed with joy and happily picked up a bag full of shells. This experience shocked the mother\’s soul. Because the child always remembered this incident, I also shared this heart-warming story with my teachers and classmates. We all feel warm when we read the story, not to mention this little protagonist? It is a small gesture from the father, an understanding and considerate concession, which will keep the child warm throughout his life. Life is indeed Full of helplessness, not everything will go smoothly. But as the children grow up, why don’t parents give their children more such warmth? Sometimes children are really just children, give them one more chance. Sometimes, I really like the cute and silly Daddy Pig in Peppa Pig. In one book, they also went on a trip as a family, and Peppa lost her teddy doll three times. But her parents didn’t blame her, and they didn’t go. Replace children. For children, the love of parents will give them the greatest sense of security. On the way to raising children, please be more patient. And you must have a big enough brain to withstand the children’s weird questions and problems. Demand. I remember one time I was cooking hairtail for my son in the kitchen. He looked at me and asked me, are the teeth of hairtail sharp? I said they were very sharp. He asked me to give it to him. Pull out the small sharp points. Teeth really can\’t do it. But I had the idea to give him a hairtail with a big mouth. It would be even cooler! So I cut off all the pointed mouth and gave it to him to play with. Every time he eats crayfish, he will choose the largest one. paws to make toys. My wife often doesn’t understand these weird requests at first.. Later I whispered that it was even more excessive when I was a child. All boys are like this, it\’s normal. And sometimes, when my wife is tidying up, she will lose these special little toys of her son from time to time. He would cry and ask his mother to get him back. what to do? So we often see a family digging through garbage bags to find something. Even if he is not found in the end, his son\’s anger will be half gone. And the mother also learned to ask the little one if he still needs it before throwing something away. This is a small amount of respect. Look! It looks very doting. But these are all normal expressions and needs of children! There is no intention to control parents at all. On the contrary, the mother has grown up and learned to respect her children. We should not be too afraid, do it with heart, and love boldly.