move! The baby cried when he got into trouble, but his parents…

A two-year-old baby accidentally broke a plate in the kitchen. He leaned against the cupboard, afraid of crying. At this time, the mother\’s concerned voice appeared in the background: \”What\’s wrong, honey, what happened? Oh, did you break the plate?\” The child was stunned for a moment and continued to cry. \”It\’s okay, baby, it\’s okay.\” Mom kept repeating these words gently. The father also stretched out his hands, held the child in his arms, gently stroked his back, and kissed his forehead… A magical scene happened: the moment he heard \”It\’s okay\” and felt the physical comfort, The child stopped crying and gradually returned to calm. This pair of parents had full empathy, connection, and respect throughout the whole process. What moved me even more was this sentence: \”Dear, it doesn\’t matter. You are not the first child to break a plate. Every child has broken a plate.\” The kids will break the dishes.\” What a relief. Please click here to enter a picture description Which child never made mistakes as a child? Unfortunately, not all parents can understand their children\’s minds. More often than not, they explode without thinking and push their children further away. At the end of last year, R came to my Positive Discipline System class. In one of the activities, we need to recall a mistake our parents made on us in our childhood, and then pretend that we are the parents and apologize to the injured child in our childhood. R said that when he was a child, he was too naughty. One day he turned on the stove and wanted to cook for his mother. The moment his hand touched the fire, she shrank back. She was also startled and almost got burned. At the most panicked moment, my mother came back and saw the stove turned on and her daughter covering her little hands with fear in her eyes. She immediately understood. \”Pa–\” A slap came, followed by a series of unbearable curses… R said that she couldn\’t remember the specific curses, or maybe she didn\’t want to remember them, so she selectively forgot them. But she clearly remembers how she felt at the time: \”I know I was wrong, but what makes me uncomfortable is that my mother didn\’t even think of asking, baby, are you hurt? She also didn\’t realize how scared and needy I was at that time. Her comfort.\” I pretended to be her mother and repaired the relationship step by step: admitting mistakes, making peace, and promising solutions… After hearing this, tears gradually welled up in the corners of R\’s eyes. I thought that this would more or less solve the problem. Some of her feelings. But after hearing this, R wiped his tears and shook his head subconsciously, \”Thank you, but unfortunately, my mother will never be able to say these words to me.\” When faced with children who have made mistakes, many parents\’ subconscious actions are: blame , get to the bottom of things, and force you to admit your mistakes. They will also have this catchphrase: Why are you so ignorant? Why don\’t you have a longer memory? I\’ve had enough of worrying about you! You want to piss me off! You never let me worry! If you make this mistake again, you won’t listen no matter what! This type of parents focuses on the past tense. What mistakes did their children make and how did they make it? What will you do next time… They want to use intimidation, preaching, threats, and punishment to make the children remember the lesson deeply and not do it again next time. Unfortunately, harsh words are poisonous. In the moment of fear, the child\’s feelings are not recognized. What he sees is a terrible mother who does not love him. Because he has made a mistake, he will still feel \”\”I am bad\”, which makes him afraid of making mistakes and not trying again; there are also some children who are resistant and respectful on the surface, but secretly go their own way, but in order not to be criticized, they choose to lie and cover up. It\’s so easy to lose a child, just keep scolding him every day… How can any parent not love their children? When a child makes a mistake, how do you deal with it? Is it really good to the child? It\’s very simple: Focus on your children, not on the mistake. While mother was serving the dishes, a pair of little sisters were fighting for a bowl at the dinner table. Bang! It accidentally fell to the ground and broke. \”Say! Who did it? ! How was it broken? ! \”Mom yelled, and the two sisters were trembling with fear, afraid of being beaten, \”Mom, her!\” \”Mom, it\’s not me, it\’s my sister!\” \”In another family, a completely different version played out: Bang! During the fight, the bowl fell to the ground and broke. \”Oh, honey, are you scared? Are you injured? Show it to mom quickly. \”The two sisters were hugged by their mother and melted in the warm love. \”Mom, I\’m fine. \”, \”It\’s all my fault, I didn\’t catch it. \”That\’s good. It scares me, honey. There are debris on the ground. What are we going to do?\” \”I\’ll clean it!\” \”, \”I\’m here to help too! \”A war turned into jade. When a child makes a mistake, instead of blaming too much and casting a gray shadow on the child\’s childhood, it is better to think about: How can we teach the child to have courage and responsibility when facing mistakes? That must be empathy and forgiveness first: Dear baby, I want you to know that making mistakes does not mean that you are a bad boy. You are still worthy of being loved. You will have the ability to find a remedy. If you need help, you will be there at any time. ,I am here.