Respecting children too much is a dereliction of duty on the part of parents

One afternoon last week, I went to pick up my children from kindergarten. When I went there, the gate of the kindergarten was not open yet, and the parents were waiting outside. I also joined the waiting army. Next to me, several parents stood chatting and overheard their conversation. A mother expressed her frustration. Her son went to bed too late at night and couldn\’t get up in the morning. He came to school bleary-eyed every day. Others asked: Why let him sleep so late? The child’s mother answered: My child watches cartoons every night. After finishing one episode, she says she wants to watch another one. She just watches one episode after another, so that she doesn’t go to bed until after 11 o’clock every night, and there is nothing she can do. The child’s mother said: It’s really frustrating. The other mothers and grandmothers couldn\’t give any good advice, but they just said that they should try to let him go to bed early in the future. The child\’s mother said: I also want him to go to bed early, but if he doesn\’t sleep, there is nothing I can do. I stood aside and was worried. The child didn\’t sleep. What did you do as a mother? The TV was turned off for him, so he went to bed early. However, I guess, even if she says this, the mother will have other reasons. What should I do if she doesn\’t let her child watch him cry? What should I do if he still doesn\’t sleep? what to do? Find a way to do it, it\’s not that it can\’t be done, it\’s just that the parents have never thought of doing it. In fact, I particularly understand this mother’s distress because I once encountered almost the same problem as hers. Last year, my daughter watched cartoons at night for a period of time. She watched them very late every day, and she was reluctant to get up for a long time in the morning. She reluctantly woke up. She lost her temper because she didn\’t get enough sleep. And before she watched it, I told her in advance every time, \”I can only watch two episodes today\” or \”I can only watch it at 8:30 today,\” and she agreed well. Every time when the allotted time comes, she will try her best to act coquettishly or act mischievously. In short, she will continue to watch. Her father doesn\’t want to see her cry, and I don\’t want to see her acting coquettishly. Plus, the two of us also want to be lazy and don\’t have to play with her. Every time we agree on what time we\’ll see, it becomes nonsense. Later, I discovered that this was not going to work. The child\’s eyes couldn\’t bear it, and he didn\’t get enough sleep. He didn\’t have the energy to go to school every morning. If you want your child to go to bed early, you must do what you say. At first, he told her to watch until eight o\’clock. After that, she would continue to watch. Try to reason with her first, but if she doesn\’t listen, take the computer away decisively. She will cry and fuss, but even so, she will not be allowed to continue watching. If she persists for a few days, she will understand that it is useless to cry when she says she sees what time she sees. When the time comes, I just need to remind her and she will turn it off on her own. Slowly, she will develop the habit of turning off the phone on time. This problem is solved. I reflected on myself that it was not the child\’s problem that my child didn\’t go to bed early, but my problem. I couldn\’t follow the rules I stated, and then I put the responsibility on the child. The child is so young, how can she do it if I don\’t help her persevere. Too many parents make the same mistake I did. A friend who is well-known for his calligraphy has been teaching several children at home in his spare time after retirement. For two classes a week, several other children can arrive on time and will not ask for leave easily. With only one child, it would be nice to come once a week, but this time, he was often late.He thought the child had good talents, so he went to talk to the child\’s parents. The child\’s father said that they didn\’t want to do this, but the child didn\’t like it very much. Sometimes the child said he didn\’t want to come, so they respected the child\’s opinion and wouldn\’t let him come. He thought it was a pity that the child did not learn, so he talked to the child again. The child said that it was not that he didn\’t like it, but practicing calligraphy delayed him from playing with the children, so he told his parents that he didn\’t like it so that he could play with his friends. His parents just didn\’t want to send him off. They thought it was too much trouble to send him off twice a week, so he didn\’t come often. Later, he talked to the children\’s parents again and said that if they really wanted their children to learn calligraphy well and not just to follow the trend, they should insist on sending their children twice a week, regardless of whether the children wanted to or not. After persisting in this way for more than a year, he said, the child has written very well now. If the child\’s parents had respected their child\’s opinions and come when they wanted to, but not if they didn\’t want to, I\’m afraid the child would have stopped learning by now. A classmate who was a teacher in primary school was very moved when talking about the class she taught. She said that when they first entered school, the children were all the same. As time went by, the differences gradually began to appear. These gaps are largely caused by parents. What particularly impressed her was that after a parent-teacher meeting for an exam, the next day, a parent sent her an analysis of their child\’s current learning situation, detailing their child\’s strengths and weaknesses and what parents should do to help their child. . This child has very good study habits and rarely causes anyone to worry about him. And some parents will always say: Our children are not very obedient, and their studies are not very good. We can\’t control them, so we leave everything to the teacher. Parents who say this don\’t mean that they can\’t control their children, but they don\’t care enough to do so and put the responsibility on their children. She said that the primary school stage is a stage for cultivating habits, and it especially requires parents\’ participation and persistence. If parents don\’t care about it at this time, it will be too late to take care of it when they get to middle school. Some parents say they respect their children since childhood and do not force them to do anything. In fact, they are derelict in their duties as parents and do not truly assume their own responsibilities. When the child actually has a problem, he puts the responsibility on the child, saying that the child is born like this, but it is actually his own incompetence. The reason why children need to have a guardian is because before the child reaches adulthood, he cannot make the decision on many things, and he should not make the decision. The duty of parents is to help him persevere when he can\’t persist, and to help him choose when he can\’t make the right choice, rather than blindly respecting the child\’s opinions. Of course children should be respected, but not unprincipled. If children can make correct judgments on everything, what else do parents need to do?